Well, stuff has a way of taking turns, I guess.
Yesterday, after I posted, I decided I should find and print out Chrismon patterns. I found them, made a file (one of the church groups that does them helpfully posts .jpegs of the outlines of the patterns).
My computer shut itself down TWICE during the printing. (I think it was where the powercord/transformer box thing was - it was probably pulling the plug out of the back. And my computer is so old, it doesn't hold a charge on its battery any more - so instant shut-down.
So I was concerned about that. I actually said, driving to my lesson (afraid I was going to be late): I bet I'll come home and find my computer on fire now. (I did not.)
And then, piano lesson went badly. It seems my memory for pieces is full, or is failing, or something. I totally screwed up on the Kirnberger Bourre. (I would argue the teacher slightly jinxed me by saying a couple weeks ago, "One more week and we should be done with this," which put the pressure on me...she suggested I give up on it but I hate that, I want to be able to play it WELL.) And of course, that raises all my learning-as-an-adult anxieties: what if I have reached the absolute limit of my ability to play? What if I'm never going to get better than this? What if, in fact, like Algernon or Charly, I start going DOWNHILL and reach the point where even the beginner pieces are too much for me?
(I know, I know: it's probably that I'm stressed and have been fighting a borderline migraine for three days, but it's hard not to worry that I've hit a wall in terms of being able to play)
And then I had an evening meeting. While not a stressful meeting, still, an hour out of your evening is an hour out of your evening.
And then I got home to fix dinner. Went to get a glass of milk. Pulled the carton out and realized there was insufficient milk to both have a glass last night and have it on cereal this morning.
And then I realized: I meant to go to the store after the meeting. (I was already in pajamas and had put my car away). And I realized that unless I go at 5 pm (the WORST POSSIBLE TIME OF ALL TIMES) today, I won't have a chance to get milk until Thursday. (And then, I got in here and thought I had a meeting tomorrow afternoon but I see it's the 29th...I was thinking TOMORROW was the 29th. That's because every day feels about a week long). And I still have to figure out how to make the printed paper Chrismons into templates that the kids can use - the ideal thing would be to trace them onto quilting-template plastic and cut them out, but I don't have time for that. At this point I think I'm going to go to Print Shop and see how heavy a cardstock they can photocopy them on to, and cut those out. (I suppose I could have asked someone to do it FOR me last night - it was the Education Committee - but I know everyone there is busy too, and wasn't going to say anything unless someone said, "You look stressed, is there anything I can do for you?")
So I wound up the day sitting on my kitchen floor crying because I didn't have milk, I didn't have time to go GET milk, and this is so not the life I signed up for. And yes, I know, there are a lot of people who are working 3 jobs and crap and can't afford milk, or can't find the time to go get it either, but their problems were not my problems right at that moment. And really, the milk was just symbolic.
So I'm kind of shaky and teary and overtired this morning. And really really wishing, once again, that there were grocery delivery in my town. Or that I had someone nearby that I felt comfortable asking to go get me some dang milk. (I suppose I could just go to the Green Spray, even though they don't sell the kind of milk I usually buy)
But, I'll just truck out at 5 pm and get it, and wind up getting angry at people, because people are SO badly behaved at grocery stores these days. Or I'll brew up some dang tea and try putting tea on my cereal tomorrow. (I am also out of orange juice now).
Driving in this morning, thinking of the list of things I need to do (which I really need to get to now), I thought of something my dad used to say: "Setting 'em up and knocking 'em down" when he had a lot of things to get done.
Only, I said it out loud to myself as "Knockin' 'em up, and setting 'em down." Because I'm so tired and I cannot brain because I have the dumb. (I would find that malapropism really funny if I weren't so stressed, especially considering the slang usage of "knock up" in some quarters).
5 comments:
Ugh. What an awful day.
It seems like this has been a particularly nasty fall.
Does Print Shop have an online submission that you could use? When I have stuff printed now, I tend to send them the file online, which cuts out one trip.
You might also see if they can print onto a heavy transparency film or some other plastic; that might be more durable than card. Also, could you have the kids cut them out? That would be one less thing for you to do.
And you haven't hit a wall. It's just that you've got so much going on right now that it's hard to concentrate and let your full skills show. Maybe would taking a break from it to play something else and then coming back to it when it's less fraught help?
I hope things get better soon.
Also, Amazon sells 'aseptic milk,' those juiceboxes with shelf stable milk, as well as the quart boxes of parmalat. I keep meaning to get some of those for the emergency kit/when we get back from traveling; might it make sense to have one as an emergency reserve?
A la Lydia, I was thinking of mentioning you could keep powdered milk on hand.
But, it's not about the milk. It's about stress and being over committed and needing a break and not getting one. Can you look ahead to the end of the term and start planning some nice treats for yourself? I know that the thought of a few days off at Thanksgiving is the only reason I'm holding on right now!
I'll echo Lydia and suggest heavy transparentcy film for your Chrismons. They would be more durable than cardstock I think. The other idea I have is if you're having them printed anyway, why not have them printed on the appropriate paper so the kids just have to cut them out rather than trace around something and then cut them.
Re the milk issue, a small box of powdered milk would be a good pantry staple to have on hand for just such "emergencies." Do they still have canned milk, like Carnation or Pet Milk? If so, a can of that in the pantry might be a good idea. One last thought, does your school have a student union or cafeteria where you could buy a small carton (or two) of milk? If so, that would save you making a stop at the grocery.
As I get older I find that my memory is very much affected by how much sleep I get. When I don't get enough, I run around making stupid mistakes and my "recall" time for words on the tip of my tongue gets much longer. If I do get enough sleep the problems go away.
(I'm particularly noticing this because I'm still getting used to a rather demanding new job which is All Details All The Time ;)
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