Well, they're supposed to call me back about an appointment for this afternoon. Which doesn't bode too well; in the past, I waited long long time for afternoon appointments that didn't show up.

Perhaps the "But I won't have heat" part of it will motivate them.

And OF COURSE all of this stuff happens right at the time when I am feeling (hormonally induced) like I would like to crawl out of my skin. I didn't sleep well last night, haven't slept well several nights. Vivid, borderline-unpleasant dreams. (The makers of "Rozeram," with their cutesy Abe-Lincoln-and-big-muskrat-playing-chess ads, don't ever mention about the dreams you have where you have 20 minutes to gather up your life in a rucksack and evacuate the city, or where you are trying to deal with someone who is offended and angered by EVERYTHING you say. Those kind of dreams, I would not miss so much.)

So I don't know. I do have the Mega Boots socks with me, maybe I should mostly-close my office door and knit a few rows to try to calm down.

I am still seeing the mental picture of my co-leader's van lying there on its side, with all the windows broken out and the bumper off, and that doesn't help. Even though I know they are safe. I am too good at going to the "what if" place.

I am hoping that this weekend will be better. I am hoping that I will be able to calm down sufficiently to enjoy a rare weekend off. I know, some people would suggest medication but I don't want to go on anti-anxiety meds all the time - because of side effects, because I react weirdly to lots of meds, and because, well, 90% of the time I wouldn't need them. But for those couple of days every couple of months when I have this...it's hellish and is almost enough to make me consider the possibility. But not quite.

(Yes, I have cut out caffeine and cut way back on sugar and tried to stick to mainly whole grains, fruits, and veggies. My stomach is also slightly upset and I think that contributes to the general feeling of malaise. I can't tell if my stomach is upset BECAUSE I'm anxious or if the upsetness of my stomach is contributing to making me feel more anxious.)