Week is over

 Why does every week now feel like it's a month long? I suppose the world is just more chaotic now. 

And there were small tastes of chaos in my own world - the husband of a good friend of my mom's wound up in hospital with an abdominal obstruction; apparently he's going to be okay now but had to have surgery (and it was only his dentist-child who told him he needed to go to the hospital). 

And a school district near me has been shut down for two days because of "threats." Apparently they caught the kids making the threats and they would have amounted to nothing, but that's not cool - it's scary, and it disrupts education (and kids having to stay at home, if they're in single parent homes or one where both parents work, I'm not sure how that's dealt with on short notice)

And finally today, we had an "unwanted guest" in the building. Apparently not *really* a threat, but someone who's not supposed to be here and is apparently known to the campus police (I don't know if he was the one harassing some of the women students in the past) and we've now been told we need to call the police if he shows up again. I saw him; I was talking to my department chair and a grad student who were sitting out in the hall where he was. I am bad at picking up on signals and didn't realize they were out there *watching* him and when I walked out to my car the secretary followed me and told me, and said that if my chair had coughed loudly she was to call the cops. (I later found out via e-mail that he left willingly when the campus police showed up). But now we're supposed to call it in and we're supposed to keep all the rooms locked when we're not in them and that makes more work for us and also, if you're carrying a lot of stuff between rooms? I guess you either get a cart, or make more trips and have to fuss with the door every time.

Life on hard mode. It's been on hard mode really since 2020. 

***

So I needed to get out of town. I had wanted to go to Albertson's for better groceries than I can get locally (more choice, and some brands like the Icelandic style yogurt (less sugar, and I like it better) that nowhere in town sells. 

And honestly? I wanted a lunch out and a trip to the yarn shop. So I got that

I also went to Michael's. Didn't buy much but I saw this and said "that's the silliest thing I've seen in a while"

 And then I laughed and said "I bet that would fit my big Discord plushie I got yesterday" and so I bought it (it was cheap, and I had a money-off coupon, and I figured if it didn't fit I could wear it once or twice myself as a gag).

 

but it does fit. And it amuses me. And you have to take amusement where you can find it now

 I went to the yarn shop partly because it's one place I feel welcomed when I go there (you need that some times). But I also wanted to see if they had a suitable yarn for Again around the Sun from the new Knitty (I sponsor them on Patreon, so I get slightly early access). 

I had remembered they had a worsted-weight color gradient yarn that I thought might work. I did not remember it was *the very yarn the pattern called for* so I got it (but in a different color - this one is called Prismatic Kaleidoscope)

The green yarn is a dk in "Zombie Green," dyed by the original owner (now semi retired). I have a Tin Can Knits knit-purl patterned hat I want it for. 

I've also been working on the Syyslaulu shawl, and I looked the name up and to my delight it means "Autumn Song" in Finnish, and actually references a song based on a Tove Jansson (the Mooomintrolls author). It's not at a photogenic stage right now (it's still the all-garter-stitch part). I'm also working (at home) on the chicken but it's going slowly.

Here's hoping next week is calmer.
 

this sparks joy

 A week or more ago, I spent some "silly money" -I bought an expensive thing I didn't strictly need, which maybe isn't prudent in a time of rising food prices and the possibility of high inflation coming.

 

but it was something I had wanted since I heard it was being made, and anyway....sometimes things that make you happy are good.

 

It's a gigantic (like, 30" tall) plushie of Discord from My Little Pony - officially licensed and all (no fakies!) made by Symbiote Studios. I admit I was leery of ordering having been burned by ANOTHER site selling plushies earlier this year, where I had to do a chargeback on my card after they charged it, never sent the thing, and did not respond to multiple e-mails and FB contacts with them.

But Symbiote is solid, it looks like - acknowledged my order right away, a couple days later said it had shipped. It got hung up a couple days in Dallas, but that's USPS' fault, not Symbiote's

Well, it finally came today, as I was grading exams. I took a break to get up and grab the package off my porch (I was at home)

At first I wondered if if was smaller than I was told because the bag was fairly small, but when I opened it, he was all pretzeled up in there:

 He expands to be BIG. He's made out of minky - not the plushest I've seen, but certainly nice quality - and he has wires inside for posing/to hold him upright. (He's still pretty noodly though)

 He is very cuddly because he's basically a big noodle as I said, and is fairly softly stuffed (also, I look at this photo of me and cringe a bit, I look like my dad in the face more and more every day , it seems. It might be partly the angle making my face look fatter than it actually is)

 And yes, he is nice to hug

 

I had thought while he was still in transit "maybe I should knit a little sweater for him" but it might be hard to make one with sleeves big enough for his lion paw and eagle claw without it being too large (and it would have to be a cardigan, a pullover wouldn't go over his head.

Or maybe I just knit him a scarf as winter gets closer. I think he'd look good in a scarf.

He's also fun to pose - he's big enough he can sit at my piano:

He's large enough that he can sit on the bench and still reach the keys!
 

future project thinking

 Of course, when I have a project with a deadline, and lots of other unfinished stuff, I find myself thinking about new things I want to start. I have a couple sweaters on the needles already, and some socks, and the mitts, and the Syyslaullu shawl. 

But I think about Greenstone, and the big bulky-weight cardigan (the yarn for which was one of my last ever JoAnn's purchases, though I didn't know it at the time), and a couple other things

I had ordered some yarn from a UP dyer (Powers! I know where that is) on Etsy. One of the colors I got was called Hexagonaria, which is the genus name of the fossil coral that makes up Petosky stones. I've always liked those (I even have a pendant that is cut from one) and when I got it, it occurred to me that a hexagon-pattern sock might be nice. I wasn't sure I wanted to do something heavily cabled or like a re-do of the Snicket socks (lots of traveling stitches, and they came out TIGHT). 

But I found a pattern with a simple "small" cable on it, reminiscent of a vest from Knitty I made years ago (Sarah Castor's Honeycomb Vest)

it's called Honeycomb Socks, and is by Studio North. So it maybe even fits with the UP North yarns...

 Also one of my Bluesky friends who knits - I think it was Heather, aka Kitty Furniture, referred to another Knitty pattern, "Wavedock," which is a half-round shawl that takes about 500 yards of yarn (so: a generous single big skein, or 2-3 smaller ones). And I thought "maybe sometime I make that) and hunted about in my stash for yarn* and found a couple balls of a light fingering bordering on lace that I have 600 some yards of, and it's in dark jewel tones. I bought it for a small shawl years ago but never found a pattern I liked. 

I remembered it, and found it

 Yeah, that'll work. That'll work well

I should take everything that I find a pattern for, and put it together in a bag (ideally a clear one because I am very much "out of sight, out of mind" now) and store them somewhere accessible so when I am ready to start something new I can "shop" my "self made up" kits.... 

(*I suspect given tariffs and no more de minimus and everything else, a lot of us with stashes of supplies will be digging in them, and heck, I may even be opening my boxes and sharing with friends who knit or crochet)

And I realized that Syysaula would work as an invigilating project: I'm still on the long "increase every rightside row and knit all in garter stitch" long triangle part (I should wind off the second ball). It won't take a lot of concentration, it's not having to begin something new (I won't have much time tomorrow, and probably won't post an entry because of a full day of teaching and also evening meetings), and it will get some progress on a project that's already going.

I did finish the first section of the chicken's tail tonight and cast on for the second. I need to motor on this a little this weekend so that I can have it done in time to send to my niece before early October when her birthday is. 

out of sorts

 I started the chicken for my niece this weekend. Was motoring away on the tail section and then realized I'd made a mistake, and I couldn't easily how to get back to a spot I could pick back up from, so I ripped the whole thing out and restarted.

 So this is all the further I am:

 I also need to figure out something simple and portable (A simple hat, maybe, as a potential gift) for later this week when I have to give two exams. Nothing I have going on is either simple enough or small enough to be easy to carry (the chicken takes too much attention)

***

I'm trying to the coverage of That Book (you know the one, the birthday book for that guy that That Guy allegedly contributed to). I honestly can't believe how gross some men are, and I'd prefer not to know how fully gross, to keep the illusion that there are some good men still out there (even if probably every one remotely close to my age is partnered up already.)

Just everything feels upsetting and ugly right now.

***

Part of it is being peopled out. Thursday was AAUW, and it was stressful as the original host was awol (I hope she's okay, but I think I'd have heard if it was something bad, I suspect the likely explanation is she forgot, and got invited to the tailgate on campus, and went, and that's why she wasn't home). So there was a lot of shuffling around (another woman was able to host on short notice). 

Then Saturday was a get-together/housewarming party at a colleague's.. It was fine, but it lasted really long - I left after three hours and I was the first one to leave (and I hope that wasn't too unsociable or awkward, but most of the people there were talking college football, which I'm not into and couldn't contribute, and I was tired, and I felt a little uncomfortable, and I didn't want to talk any more)

Tonight was CWF. It was okay at first but the meeting ran kind of long, and I was supposed to do a devotional at the end and I thought I'd picked out a really good one about the restoration of Notre Dame, but at that point everyone was distracted from having had to change plans for a meal we're serving after a choir concert and then one of the women started complaining that the day care that uses our building had blocked one of the storage closets with their stuff, and it needed to be moved so she could get things in there, and then someone else went and looked and they were both unhappy about it (but the problem is? there's nowhere else to store those). And by the time I got to reading what I had everyone was tired and distracted and I felt talked over.

I should be used to it, but.

And Wednesday is Board meeting, so that's more people. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better... 

leaving this here

 for my use when I update the NEPA stuff next week for environmental policy

 

changes to CEQ and NEPA 

changes to OSHA 

 Deregulation, in the EPA's own words

 whole Wikipedia article on what has happened at NOAA 

I also gotta admit, updating some of the stuff about agency/department heads, it really hurt to take Deb Haaland's name out, and sub in Doug Burgum's. 

 

it's been a hard week even if it started with a "vacation" day (which I spent working) and this is not cheerful stuff to read late Friday afternoon. 

a dumb "want"

 Today was kind of a rough day: allergies bad, four classes (one a two hour lab), wrote two exams after all that (so got home LATE), hurting (I hope I didn't injure my knee again, it's been bothering me). Bailed on piano practice because of no time and that makes me sad. 

Thinking about a fad. The Labubu dolls (? or is it animals? mascots? I'm not sure what to call them).

When I first saw them, I immediately thought of the trendy rich girls I went to grade school with and how they'd get all the fad things and then mock and exclude those who didn't have it (which would have included me; we didn't have the money for fads, my parents thought they were foolish, and I had almost no spending money. And I remember the slight displeasure when I spent some of my saved-up allowance on Smurfs; I guess I was supposed to spend it on something more "mature" like a book....)

And so, initially, I kind of got the ick off them. It also doesn't seem to help when you see people (mostly young white women, but not exclusively women) in stores being obnoxious and loud and rude and they have a couple dangling from their purse.

But then. I see them on the doll blogs. And I admit there is something slightly endearing about them. I look at the faces and I think "here is a creature that doesn't give one single damn what everyone thinks of her*" 

(*yes, I see them as female)

And it's that - it's almost like Little My in the Moomin books (which are very popular in their Japanese translation). That almost callousness out the outside (though I think inside, My DOES care, at least about some of the other creatures she shares her life with).

But I like that "not giving a damn." I mean, yes, it can be malignant - like the person who is rude and in everyone's face and disturbs people's peace. But there's another kind of it: being confident, and knowing your own worth, and being able to walk past people excluding you or mocking you with your head held high knowing they don't matter. And that there are people who DO, and they are the ones who care about you and wouldn't treat you like that. 

But that's something I've struggled with my whole life, and I suspect I always will to some extent. I am less that way than I once was, but I do, I admit, at times, still feel that lonely 12 year old eating in a dim corner of the lunchroom because no one wants her at their table, or who feels like everyone is laughing at her. And it would be nice to have some kind of little companion to remind you to keep grinning and keep a sardonic look in your eyes, and just keep going....

Oh no, I am not buying one. Labubus are EXPENSIVE (and surely will become more, given their status as an imported good). I could get a couple Squishamals (like the mothmen I posted the other days) for less than the price of one Labubu. 

But still....as I said there's something endearing about a creature that doesn't listen to the "haters"

(Maybe I see if there's an affordable Little My plushie. Or I already have a mini-Stitch, from Lilo and Stitch, who in his own way is similar...) 

Tuesday afternoon things

 * I had somewhat of a reaction to the vaccine - was okay until about 3:30 pm Saturday, and then started to feel tired, and achy, and cold. I think I ran a fever for a bit. I went to bed for a little while and felt better around dinner time so I made some toast and had a yogurt. I was mostly okay but tired Sunday.

I'm still tired today and do feel slightly like the aftereffects of a virus.

*It's also possible I feel like I do because I started on my "self evaluation" for the fall and also my three-year post tenure review packet (every year we have to do a "what I did last year" and a "what I'm going to do next year," every three years those of us with tenure have to do a big review of the previous three years). And I hate it. And it bums me out every time, because I feel like I never do enough, and it's never good enough (though, objectively, I've not lost my job yet). But also a lot of the stuff I do day to day that's valuable to me, and I presume to the students, is "invisible" on these things - there's no line for "treating the students with kindness" or "helping people solve minor computer problems" and so there's both that sense of "the stuff I'm really good at doesn't get recorded" which can then flip over in my mind into "the stuff I'm really good at doesn't *matter*" and I know it's what we'd call in church a "world vs. Kingdom" problem - in that what the world seems to value (ESPECIALLY now, ESPECIALLY in the US, where having a ton of money but maybe not much sense gets you heard, and being a bully lets you get ahead in a way being a kind person does not) but it's still hard. It's hard to remember that there are valuable things that no one ever "sees," but that they still count. 

And I think of this thing that I saw on a tumblr once, and I hunted it down again:

 It's from a book by Suzanne Rivecca called "Ugly, Bitter, and True." I've never read it but that thing resonates.

 I think that's also why I'm less likely to do things like try to design knitting patterns, partly because of not wanting to sink time into something that might be unsuccessful, but also, yes, the "it has to make up for the fact that it's me."

And that's also probably why I don't play piano for anyone buy myself; the fact that I can almost never play even a simple piece like that Clementi Sonatina in C that every beginning student learns without a mistake in it.  

* I need to get on the chicken for my niece's birthday, I don't know whether to get everything out and start tonight or put it off for another day or so. I admit I'm getting a little bit burnt out on chickens but it's such a perfect thing for her I should still do it. 

* I'm still working on the soil samples. I have three left but couldn't do any more than the two I did today - I stayed home a bit after lunch to practice piano, and I admit to hear what the "big announcement" was (it was dumber than advertised, but at least it wasn't some new horror)

* I watched part of "Ralph Breaks the Internet" again last night. I like it better than the first time I saw it, but I still think "Wreck-it Ralph" is better, partly because it feels more timeless - a lot of the internet stuff in the newer movie has really aged fast in a way the video game stuff did not. (I am also embarrassed to admit that I didn't get the joke being made in the title until last night - I don't think about "breaks the internet" in the Kardashian sense rather than that literal "it got unplugged" sense, but yeah, that's the bit - he briefly breaks the internet with viral videos, as he's trying to earn money to repair Vanellope's game.)

The Princesses bit is moderately cute, though the "We can't understand her, she's from the other studio" (Pixar) bit with Merida speaking in an incomprehensible brogue wasn't all that funny to me for some reason. 

 

and Labor Day

 

it's silly but that's what I think of first with Labor Day - Homestar Runner and his silly song.

It's funny, when I was a kid, Labor Day was never a big day. Part of it may have been my family wasn't exactly a union family - my dad was an academic and wasn't in one (though I think when he worked in a foundry when he was in college, he might have been).

 It was also never really explained in school like, for example, Veteran's Day was. It might be the town where I grew up (which would have been far more "management" than "labor"), or it might have been that Labor Day doesn't have a clear historical hook like "we are remembering the end of World War I, when the Armistice was signed" or "we go and decorate soldier's graves to remember their sacrifice" (for Memorial Day, which also used to sometimes be called Decoration Day). 

But something that popped into my mind this morning when people on Bluesky were talking about trade unions - when I was a kid, some of my clothes (I especially remember Lee jeans had it) had an extra tag in them indicating they were made using union labor.

 I think it was this union, in fact:

I remember seeing either that ad, or the slightly later one that was very like it (using the same song).

And I got to wondering: "huh, I haven't seen that in YEARS"

As it turns out, none of the "big three" (Levi's, Lee, or Wrangler) still makes jeans in the US. Or at least not the kind an ordinary person could afford. (I think Wrangler, which ironically was the brand I got horrible teasing from the stuck up kids at school for wearing, was the last to move production overseas). 

There's actually not much clothing made in the US any more! And certainly not jeans that would be affordable for fieldwork (there are some very high end "fancy denim" ones, but the ones I saw were aimed at men, and if I got men's jeans to fit my hips, they'd be way too big in the waist and too long).

There's relatively little woman's clothing on the "we're a union shop" websites I checked, and it was mostly t-shirts and hoodies. (I do know M Mac is made in the US, so even if they're not union, at least there are SOME worker protections (still)). And Thunderpants, which I have quite a number of, are made in the Pacific Northwest, and they boast of trying to pay a good wage...

But not much IS made here any more, and it would be a challenge to put together even a small wardrobe of US made stuff. (And despite all the talk of "tariffs to bring manufacturing back," I rather doubt that will happen). 

But maybe I'm the last generation that will remember "having looked for the union label" in their clothes - even if I didn't understand its significance then
 

working on mitts

 it's taking a while. But then, it's been a long week and I've had some late days over at work.

I'm almost done with the thumb-gusset part, and that needle's worth of stitches is getting very tight to do. I think I have four more increases to do (about six rounds) and then I can put those on a holder.

Like many "random variegated" yarns the mitts look slightly different but I think the difference in the intensity of colors is a trick of the light there. (Though I will say with some yarns of another brand I had that happen - I had a skein of MadelineTosh where the speckle pattern was much denser on the outside of the ball I wound than when you got deeper in to it. This yarn is a Dream in Color, and I've never noticed that issue with it).

These feel tight to knit because it's a dk weight knit on size 1s, so it's a tight gauge (you usually knit a fingering weight yarn, which is roughly half this thickness, on 1s). But it does make a nice, dense fabric, good for a cold-weather accessory.

***

When I ran home at lunch one of the (I presume) last hatches of the year of luna moths was out

 

I get these fairly often; one of the food plants for the caterpillars is pecan leaves, and I have a pecan tree. (I sometimes see the caterpillars that fall out of the tree. I don't think all of them are doomed; I think they often drop down to pupate).

***

Went and got my pneumococcal vaccine today (my doctor recommended I do it, probably because of my asthma). So far I'm not having bad after effects other than a slightly sore arm, but in my experience, if I'm going to get chills and fatigue they come the next day, so we'll see. I did take a dose of acetaminophen because I was developing the hint of a headache; hopefully that will also help the sore arm. 

The shot-nurse (I assume the people giving the shots have some nurse training? Or maybe the shot technician) said that he expected they'd have updated covid vaccines in a week or two. What he wasn't sure of was if my insurance would be willing to pay (I do have a couple of the conditions they listed though as "The FDA recommends). I hope he wasn't either being overly hopeful or was misinformed; it seems there's a LOT of chaos about these vaccines because of, ahem, Certain People in government who don't have biological or medical training, but seem to think they know better than the people who are experts. 

I hope I can get an updated covid vaccine; it seems to me this operates on the model of the flu and getting an annual booster to cover the new mutant strains is wise. (especially if you're older or have certain health concerns). 

Also I am around a lot of people (students) who don't always take the best care of their health, and some of whom live in crowded dorms, or have small children in school, or work at a place in close quarters with lots of other people, and I would like to do what I can to reduce my risk.  

A little lighter

It's been a bit of a rough week. I don't mean just the turmoil in the CDC (which worries me for future vaccines) and the horrific school shooting, but also a good friend of mine who is in her 70s fell and broke a hip. She had surgery Tuesday but I didn't hear she was okay until Wednesday evening - she's already up doing PT, and is apparently going to get to go home soon, by virtue of having a good, supportive husband, two grown daughters who can help her, and a single-story house that she and her husband live in.  But it did worry me a bit for a while. There are also ongoing IT issues (right now: only one printer is usable by faculty on my floor, and it's almost out of toner. I pulled the cartridge out and shook it today and I think we can squeeze out a few more pages, but...)

Also I scheduled my pneumococcal vaccine for Friday. I was going to do COVID (I am very nervous that they'll be yanked from the market by Mr. Didn't Actually Major In Biology But Now Heads An Agency Where Having Done So Would Be Valuable) but the place I normally get vaccines is dissembling on whether they have it, and if it's a new formulation. I might ask when I go in.... but it's better for me to take one vaccine at a time, as I get chills and sometimes hives from the immune system ramp-up, and I like to have a lighter reaction than what multiple shots would give 

So something a little lighter. I was thinking the other day, "What is the plural of Mothman?" Mothmen seems logical, but then if "Mothman" is a single word and it's not "man" being modified by "moth," the correct plural might be Mothmans. And then I thought of "Batsman" (a cricketing term) and laughed to myself and thought "maybe it's Mothsman" except the plural of batsman turns out to be batsmen

 But I admit I like the idea of "mothsman" as the plural, even if it's probably not correct.

Anyway. I have three plushie Mothsman now - the original "tiny size" "baby Mothman" I bought a few years back as a Halloween decoration. This came from Squishable, which is an excellent source of stuffed animals (I have pretty much only mail ordered, but they do have some stores in bigger cities, and you can very occasionally find them in some shops, like Books-a-Million)

So I get e-mails from Squishable, and I admit more than once it's tempted me into buying one.

Earlier this year, they did "alter egos" (Variant forms") of Mothman, but in a mini size. One of them was "Professor Mothman," which was both funny and cute, and of course, as a professor, I wanted one. So I bought one.

 You can't see it but the outside of his wings are argyle, they match the little embroidered on "breast pocket" he has inside them. And he has a tie and saddle shoes. Recently the name "Dr. Harlan J. Mothman" popped into my mind, so that's his name now. (Harlan sounds like a Southern-professor sort of name)

And then a few weeks ago, on a trip to Books-a-Million, I found their "exclusive" (to that chain) purple Mothman and decided to get it

 so now I have Mothsman:

So: Dr. Harlan J. Mothman, Hyacinth (what I am calling purple Mothman; Hyacinth HAS occasionally been used as a male name; there were a couple male Saints Hyacinth, apparently), and then "Baby Mothman," which is what I always called the original one.

Baby Mothman and Hyacinth have funny, birdlike feet that kind of crack me up, I can imagine them walking and the feet making "plap plap" noises on the floor. 

Hyacinth is nice to hug because he's bigger and round; I keep him on my bed (with many other stuffies, to be honest) and Professor Harlan and Baby Mothman live on my sofa. 

I don't know. I know it's silly and immature but these days you take comfort where you can get it...
 

And Tuesday evening

 I don't know why but this week has felt super long already, and it's only Tuesday. I spent Monday afternoon doing teaching prep for the rest of the week (did so not feel up to working on research, and my allergies were already bad). And then today I did more prep, and in the afternoon went through a few samples. I'm down to a dozen (the last site) now, but really, three in a day is all I can do.

Also, I have to decide whether to push Friday afternoon to do more, or to see if I can make plans to get either the pneumococcal vaccine or a covid booster (if they'll let me have one, if my insurance will pay - there's a scary rumor that RFK jr. and his fellow vaccine-opponents may try to get it pulled from the market, and that could be bad. A booster probably won't be updated for the new variant but at least it might help my immunity a little?) I don't want to get both at once; I often have strong reactions (chills, fever, aches) and want to do one at a time. 
I am trusting flu shots will be readily available this fall and get one later. But I hate how the chaos, and how the fact that people have been installed in high places who don't seem to have our best interests at heart, mean I have to do all this calculating and trying to figure out "what is the most urgent thing to prioritize?"

I'm back to working on the mitts; I'm working on the body of the second mitt and am about midway on making the thumb gusset, so I'll get these done soon. Maybe I focus on these for a couple more days and get the satisfaction of finishing something for me. 

I do want to dig out all my partially done projects and gradually finish them, and I'm thinking again about some fingering weight yarn I bought back in 2020 - early on in the pandemic, when I thought I could just sit at home and knit, and a fingering weight cardigan would be a good choice. But I was too upset and distracted to do anything that complicated, and I put the yarn and pattern away. I think I know where it is....though maybe I start Greenstone first, when I'm ready to start another sweater.

(I joked to a friend who doesn't knit that "buying yarn, and planning projects, are two additional hobbies, quite separate from actually knitting. And that's true. And I think the planning step is my favorite. Though as I noted, I'm also suckered in by the "backstory" of some projects - "this is a sweater I made to be rugged for hiking" for example, and I go "I like to hike! maybe if I knit this I will find time to hike, and maybe even a companion to go with me!" of course it doesn't work that way but maybe sometimes a little....I don't know, it's not quite lying to yourself, but a little fantasy, is maybe a good thing.)

I'm currently reading on SPQR. It's interesting, and yet, I admit there are some eerie parallels with the stage of The American Experiment we're in. (Then again: human nature is always human nature, and there are power hungry types in all times and all places). I'll get back to The Enchanted Greenhouse eventually, and even "All Clear" eventually (but I'm still sad at the Big Event I just hit in it), but for now, maybe a little nonfiction is the best choice.  

Trip to Farmersville

 The drive down wasn't great. I got on the road and got just out of town and my "check tire pressure" light came on. So I sighed, dragged out my little compressor, and offered up a prayer that it wasn't a nail in the tire (a colleague reported a flat on his truck; the roofers on our building were NOT careful about policing the nails and screws they left behind). But all the tires were low; it had just been too long since I checked them. Anyway, that was fine for the rest of the trip. But, I didn't know about construction on 69 and it was horrible - they are tearing up segments of the road just outside of Bells (IIRC) and it's on a flagger system, and you have to sit and wait FOREVER. And once I got past it, I wondered: what happens after the guys are done working for the day, there's no "temporary stoplight" like they sometimes put up, and it's not a stretch of road where you can see the end from the other end. So I decided I'd have to find an alternate route home.

Then I decided to rely on satnav, instead of using the route I had planned out first. Satnav never met a interstate or four-lane that it didn't like, so it tracked me what was a LONGER way so I had to drive on 121, rather than staying on 160, which would have been logical.

But I finally got there.

Farmersville is SMALL. In a way, it reminds me of Whitesboro - there's nothing at all as you drive on the road in, and then suddenly: old brick buildings and a brick street

 That's the view from Main Street, looking down towards McKinney Street

Yarns and You (which abbreviates itself YAY) is on Main:

It's a surprisingly large shop (The white signboard on the yellowish store is the storefront). They say there are no public restrooms but if you are there for a class, or are buying stuff, you can use them (The shop owner, when I asked, said that was try to reduce people coming in and either "showrooming" or just coming through to use the restroom. Once again, people who are a little selfish ruin it for others)

It's BIG as yarn shops go. At least three times the size of the one in Denison

 

They have, I think, every color of Berroco Vintage (A standard, worsted-weight you'd use for sweaters) and some other Berroco yarns, and lots of sock yarn...they have a website that lists many of them by brand.

They had the kit I wanted:

 That's for the Cuyahoga National Park hat - the teal represents the river, the dark one with orange is the foliage of the autumn trees, the brown is tree trunks, and the tan is the background

They also had the short size 3 circular needle I wanted.

Oh, I bought some other things:

 This is an Oklahoma based hand-dyer (A Chick that Knits) that I've bought from on Etsy but it's nice to see her yarn in a shop. This one is called "Tropical Flowers"

And even though I rarely wear these colors, I really like this color combination - it's sockweight yarn and I bought 880 yards of it; I want to make a small, simple shawl (maybe one of the Woolenberry patterns) with it. 

The colorway is called "cornsnake," which kind of delights me

 I didn't buy this big candle (I don't need any more) but it made me chuckle a little:

After checking out, I asked the owner if she could recommend a lunch place. She said if I liked sushi (not really) she'd recommend a place in Prosper (but I really didn't feel like driving to another town anyway) but then she recommended Over Yonder, a short walk from where I had parked - they do all house-made foods, soup and salad and sandwiches and she recommended a sandwich she likes, pulled beef (I think she said brisket, but it's not as dry as much of the brisket I've had) with caramelized pickled onions, horseradish sauce, and cheddar cheese melted on it

 

Oranges were one choice of sides. The only other ones I remember were chips (which I didn't think I wanted) and carrot raisin salad (allergic to carrots). But the oranges were VERY good with it, because they were sweet and juicy and contrasted well with the rich meat and cheese. 

The second yarn shop felt more like a distributor's, with bags and bags of stuff and I couldn't tell if you could buy less than a bag full or not, and I wasn't in the market for a sweater's worth of yarn. It was also a lot dimmer and a lot more crowded with stuff, and at that point I was tired and didn't feel as much like digging. 

I did go to a soap shop that was there (no bookstore, sadly) and bought a couple bars of soap (one called Zen, that has a nice sort of citrusy scent). The owner also pointed out her new line of tallow based soaps (they put tallow in EVERYTHING now) but I just quietly said I preferred the coconut oil (which was the soaps she had in nice scents).

And then home. Where 160 became 69, another road (11) branched off that went up to Sherman, so I took that and got back to the Albertson's that way.

 

It was worth the trip for Yarns and You, and the lunch was good; I will probably go back at some point in the future.  

Tomorrow's the day

 Yeah, I'm planning on going. It's going to be hot, but at least not "heat advisory" hot. I got gas in the car and I have some cash in my purse, though for yarn shops, I tend to pay with credit card because I usually go over any "budget" I might set.

 I have both the "long" circular sized 3 and 4, and the "short" one in 4, so I will just have to look if they have the short 3s. And if they have the Cuyahoga Valley hat kit from that book, I'm getting it. 

And if anything else catches my fancy. Though in a lot of cases - and really what I have to learn - is that sometimes going somewhere *for the going* is what's important, not showing the trip had "purpose" by obtaining things. 

Oh, like I said, if I see the couple things I am looking for I will get them, and if I see something else that appeals I will. But mostly I just need to get out of town and see a new place. I keep talking about, and thinking, how I "need to move away" when I retire because this town is so small, but on the other hand, if there are a bunch of decent places within a not-too-long drive (provided my vision stays good and the other things I need to drive safely stay good) wouldn't be an issue.

I *might* bring a project with me - I pulled out the "Alive" mitts and restarted the second mitt - the owner has on her website that she invites people to sit and knit, and I don't know? Maybe I consider it? 

I do probably need to stop at Albertson's on the way home, though, so I shouldn't stay *all* day.

My plan now is to go to the bigger store, probably also the second store, get lunch there, and if there's another place I see that seems interesting I might visit them too. 

But yeah. I need to work in occasional breaks where I do something *really* different for me, not just another "well maybe I'll go look at the yarn at Michael's even though they probably won't have anything new in" or "go to a grocery store a little different from the ones in town"

And admit, and this is horrible, but I am slightly apprehensive (!) about it. Because I've had enough bad surprises in the past few years that I admit I'm primed for disappointment - I'll get down there and for some reason the shop will be closed, or it won't be as nice as I hope, or something. And maybe I've had this for a while, and it's kept me from doing some new things, because weathering the disappointment feels to me worse than maybe the benefit of things being good?

Anyway, I hope the shop is good. And I hope it - like Quixotic Fibers - manages somehow to hang on through the tariff mess (Prices will go up at least 15% I assume, at least for UK yarns) and I'm hoping that in some future time trade will become freer again. I really hope that this didn't do what COVID tried to do - kill off small businesses (and for different reasons, restaurants). Because for singletons like me it's very hard to make your own fun all alone, and again, I'm seeing more ads suggesting nuclear families just kind of lock down at home....which means people like me are left out in the cold, the spare giraffe waiting for the Ark.... 

Week's almost over

 I'm tired, and I kind of hurt. (I think it's partly stress, partly the motion of having to sort through the bags of soil, and sitting kind of shrimped up on the chair to do that, and also it's been very hot). And I've been on my feet a lot - this week I wore things with pockets so I put my phone (on silent) in my pocket, since most of the rooms no longer have working clocks (! there are still not a lot of things back as they should be) and I find without doing anything "extra" over my usual workout and teaching and the usual to-and-from the car I do, I'm going over 5000 steps a day (I know they say 7000 is ideal, but that can be challenging to get when you have a job that keeps you at a desk or lab bench at times)

I do think I'm going to go to Farmersville Saturday. Apparently there is actually a SECOND (smaller, but still) yarn shop there, and there are several restaurants, so my plan is go down, shop for yarn, get lunch, and if there's somewhere else (like a bookstore) go there, too. Yes, I don't need more yarn. BUT: Yarns and You (the shop I looked up first) advertises yarn packs for the "knit the National Parks" hats - that's a book I have but never made anything from yet. The hats ARE colorwork, which is not my favorite technique to do (it's fiddly, and you have to be careful not to knit too tightly) BUT they have a Cuyahoga Valley hat kit listed on the website, and that's one I might want enough to make - it's a less complex pattern than some (fall trees and I think a trail) and also, given my happy childhood memories of there and still having a sense of a strong tie there, it might be enough to get me to do it. So if they have one in stock, I might buy it.

I also need to check my circular needles and if I don't have threes or fours of the right length (I think: 29" and 16"), I might look for those, I kind of fell in love with Greenstone from the new Knitty and ordered the yarn for it (Well, I got the same green, but went with an almost-camel-colored heather for the stripes, because I like brown better than dark grey). Yes it will take forever to knit and I'll probably get distracted by some new shiny sweater before I start it (I still have the Moon Moth one and the cabled vest, but neither of those are at "invigilating carry along" points). So it might become my invigilating sweater. 

And yes, I recognize that my desire for the sweater is at least in part informed by its photo and backstory: a young woman in a fallish forest, and talk about going to Michigan to visit Isle Royale, and the fantasy for me of "being out in the woods in fall and having this sweater" was what tipped the "I want one" switch for me. 

I do that a lot with projects. I want the life the model is modeling, and somehow deep in my brain it makes me think "if you knit that thing, maybe you will get that life" although intellectually I know that's unlikely, emotion can be a powerful sway for me. 

I have been knitting some on the cabled vest this evening but it moves slowly - even in worsted weight it takes a lot of stitches to go around a largish adult body. 

It's FINALLY supposed to cool down this coming week (and cool down a LOT in fact) and it seems nice to be able to hole up and knit when it's not 92 degrees out at 9 pm... 

Wednesday evening things

 *Chicken has been delivered. I think my colleague liked it.

* I may put aside "All Clear" again for a bit. Something happened, a big plot twist, that I thought was not possible to happen to a time traveler, and it made me sad. I mean, it's possible there was actually a save-point that happened, but it still made me sad.

war is hell. It's hard reading about the Blitz now, harder than maybe it was some years ago, because I'm too good at imagining us in something similar now.

I don't know whether to work towards finishing The Enchanted Greenhouse, or, I spotted my copy of SPQR on the shelf the other day and might pull that out and restart it. 

Oddly enough, when I'm sad and stressed by the world, non-fiction, particularly ancient or prehistoric history helps. Perhaps it's the distance; perhaps it's the idea that people have persisted through many terrible things. And maybe we'll persist now, even though I fear what remains of my life will be worse in a number of ways than what came before.  

* watching a NOVA about the restoration of Notre-Dame and a couple lead coffins found in the floor (along with a broken up elaborate Choir Screen that had apparently been demolished in an earlier renovation). One of an unknown man. It's pretty interesting. 

I would love to see more details and reports on things like the reconstruction and renovation. Like, periodically devote a news story to people doing some thing good, rebuilding a thing, fixing things, creating, preserving, instead of all the destruction and cruelty. It might encourage people to do more good in the world if they hear of others doing it? 

* I pulled out the English School Slipover (the yellow cabled vest) and am working on it. Still several inches before dividing for the front and back.

* Work is just tiring, given that the building isn't totally done and they're doing rewiring for the internet and sometimes things are just messed up in the classrooms, and some of the new incoming students are being very demanding about things (I had someone today who insisted my class was general biology, because he thought that was the room for it. No, it isn't! And he actually argued with me when I told him what class it was until my chair - who had come in to help with the computer - basically told him to leave)

* I think I AM going to drive to Farmersville on Saturday to go to the yarn shop there. I'm badly spooked about the coming tariffs and loss of the de minimus exception, and I'm fearful we're going to lose many small businesses, and those that remain will have to raise prices enough that they might not last much longer. I mean, I don't need to "stock up" on yarn, I have a LOT including some fingering weight for a sweater from Knitty that will take forever to knit up, but getting out and getting to have experiences that interest me may not be possible a year from now (or so my anxiety says) and .... I just want to have fun now while I still can.

*they've been promising us rain and cooler weather for two weeks and keep pushing it off later and later, so now I just assume either (a) weather prediction is broken because of firing and budget cuts at NOAA, or (b) they're lying to us for some reason. I do want it to be cooler. It was a heat index of 111 yesterday and while it was not quite as hot today, it was still hot and humid.

* Lots of things are making me sad. I had to turn off the national news; they were showing testimony from people who lost daughters in that flood in Texas; they still haven't found all the bodies. And I just sat there, shaking my head and crying a little. (It's possible it hits particularly because my niece is the same age as some of those girls). But also, it seems there's so much callousness in our culture now and while I actively fight against becoming so myself, it does feel very lonely and isolating and I'm reminded of how I don't totally fit in anywhere. 

*Life just feels like it's become more isolating since 2020. I don't know if that's my reaction/trauma from the pandemic or if it's actually true, but it feels like I'm worse at making genuine connections with people, and more and more I find myself wondering if I should move away when I retire, and try to find somewhere where I fit in better - like a place that has an artist's colony or something. Though I suspect I might be priced out of places like that. 

It's really hard to find community, and I think it's harder when you don't have a partner or kids.   

Finished the chicken

 It was a big push last night to even get the underbelly knitted, and I don't know if knitting hard and fast on a hot day after I'd been on my feet and exposed to multiple allergens and chemicals (outgassing from the new flooring) I'm sensitive to, but I had awful intercostal cramping in the middle of the night last night, and a near asthma attack.

But tonight I got the chicken sewn up, the eyes in, the stuffing in, and the comb and wattle made and attached. I made a little tag using some statements cribbed from the pattern to "explain" what she's for.

I bought a gift bag and white tissue yesterday to carry her over in.

So, here she is:

 I am less satisfied with it than I might be but I'm telling myself it's okay. It's not the neatest sewing job I've ever done, attaching that underbelly, and unfortunately the only stuffing I can get now (what Michael's sells), is a lot lumpier than what I used to get at JoAnn's. (Maybe I look into mail ordering? But then I won't know what's good or not until I buy some)

Here's a front view. I had to really hunt in my sewing stuff to find the eyes; I knew I had yellowish eyes in the right size but couldn't find them at first.

And a three-quarters view:

 

And here she is with her tag, it basically says "life is hard and we all need a chicken to hug" and credits the original designer of a similar pattern (which apparently was originally made as a "heart surgery recovery pillow" (coughing is hard when you have sutures in your chest). I thought it helped explain it, though I think she'll understand:

 So I get a little break now before I have to start the next one (for my niece's birthday). It's not a HARD pattern but all the garter rows and wraps and turns can get tedious, and you have to keep good track of what row you're on in places.

 

It was a heat index of 111 today and it's still awfully hot and humid, yes, even in my house with the a/c going. I am so ready for the heat to be gone. 

Year 26 begins

 

My new lunch kit; unfortunately the new steel water bottle is too big and heavy for the bottle sleeve on the side

 

And as is traditional, the music for today:

 

brains are difficult

 It's been very hot here, and even with airconditioning, I've not been sleeping well (it may be more the humidity than the heat). 

Last night I turned my alarm off after realizing it was nearly midnight and I'd not slept yet that I could notice, I've been trying to force myself back into an earlier get-up time for when classes start back up. But last night for some reason I couldn't relax; maybe it was all the concerns about the classrooms that came up yesterday. 

So I figured, well, I can sleep in a bit and then do my workout in the afternoon.

And as sometimes happens, when I sleep a tiny bit later in the morning (I got up around 6:30), I have unpleasant dreams before getting up. 

Last night, my brain did one to me. In the dream, my dad had died (he actually did some six years ago). The circumstances of it were slightly different; I was not up there nor was I in my own home, but I was in a place that was not my real-world home but was more like the house I grew up in. I guess it was also close to Christmas, because I remember there being a tree in the house (except it was one of those flatleaf cedars, rather than the type of Christmas tree a person would normally have)

The other memorable thing was one of my cousins and his wife were there; they had just had a baby girl. And as I was standing there, trying to make sense of what had happened, they quoted to me the "when one family member dies, another one is born" (this was a "thing" in my mom's family; for years when one of the older members died it seemed that one of the younger members had a baby; I think I was born very shortly after my mom's dad died. Except the cousin in question was from the other side of the family). They were discussing what to name her and I remember being irritated partly because I was in mourning, and partly because they wanted to give her my name and that seemed somehow inappropriate to me. 

The weird thing was for several minutes after I woke up, I was left feeling that my father had, in fact, died very recently, rather than six years before. And I still felt vaguely and unfairly irritated at my cousins. It took a while for the feeling to go away.

It seems suboptimal that sometimes dreams generate feelings that are totally fake, you know they are, but you're still feeling them.

I also think that I was probably processing my aunt's death (the cousin in question was one of her sons). I had sort of pushed it aside because (a) I knew she had been ill for a long time, and in a way, it's a blessing for someone with dementia to pass, while her family is sad the burden of worrying about her is gone and (b) I was busy enough and as she wasn't an "immediate" relative I kind of stuffed it down.

And maybe "stuffing it down" sometimes isn't so great.

Hopefully, I sleep better tonight 

What a day...

 Yesterday was a long day (meetings from 9 until noon, and again from one until three) where I had to sit in an uncomfortable theater chair. My knee was really griping when I got up today but I forced myself through the workout (which probably helped a little)

It's also wickedly hot and humid here, dewpoints in the mid 70s, which is the point where I start panting and wheezing like I'm in really poor shape (but I can manage the workout in my house so that must not be it). 

Today I started off finishing up my class pages, and then there was another mass meeting where the faculty heard a lot of the same stuff we heard yesterday. Some of it is not great news (the state never wants to financially support us much, but they sure want to make us document EVERYTHING and they would really like to tell us to do a lot more things that might violate academic freedom). There was a free lunch (burgers and hot dogs, and I remember last year eating a hot dog made my ankles swell the next day so I just took a burger, and asked for an extra spoon of the baked beans, which were actually probably the best part of the meal).

I did win a door prize, a "spirit basket" with campus branded stuff. Some of it was good (I really needed a new folding umbrella, and the little stress-squeezy in the shape of our mascot animal was kind of cute and might wind up living in my office) and some is stuff I might never use.......some of it I might just put out on the "free" table we have and see if the students will take it. There was also a collared shirt, I will have to check the size - if by some chance it's a small (a friend suggested it might have been unsold merch), my mom might want it and wear it. I'm not sure I would, I'm not a huge fan of being a walking billboard. The free t-shirt we all got was fine, I can use that for pajamas. 

From there, things went downhill; after our faculty meeting our new chair asked us to go around the supposedly-renovated part of the building because there was some equipment that the workers had to move (too large and heavy for us to) and they.....forgot to put signs on it indicating where to put it back, so there were like five fridges lined up in the hall and we were asked to find which one belonged in our prep room (I was able to find mine based on the unusual "freezer compartment" door - it's an OLD fridge). 

And then I thought: maybe a good idea to try logging in in the classrooms, to be sure everything's hooked up. 

First room: was able to log in and link to the smartboard. But the styli for the smartboard were missing. Oh, I can still write on it with my finger, but doing that makes my writing even WORSE and I can see doing it for long would hurt my shoulder. I warned the chair; he ran around and checked the other rooms. No styli. So either they were tucked away somewhere, or someone just walked off with them (or threw them away, thinking them unimportant). He said he'd call IT and try to get us new ones.

Second room: AC is not working. No internet connectivity on the computer even though it "talks" to the projector. So I will have to save all my stuff to a thumbdrive (luckily I have one) instead of pulling off the LMS where I put it. The no AC is more of a problem; hopefully Physical Plant can get it working. 

 Also the back row has a bunch of stuff stored on it that was pulled from the last two rooms being renovated. Fortunately that class is small enough I don't need the back row. (And actually - that means no, what we would joke about it if it were in church, as "back-row Baptists" Yes, we say that, even though it's a Disciples of Christ church...)

Third room: again no connectivity. And no styli. Later, my department chair noted we could log into the wifi; it seemed to be working even if the wired connection did not. BUT I know well enough how the wifi drops unpredictably and sometimes it's slower, so I'll just have to remember to take my thumb drive with me. (I will admit, by the time I got back to my office, I was upset and flustered enough that the note I wrote to myself to remind myself Monday was not kind: "Hey, stupid, don't forget the flash drive")

Oh and then, lab room: 

the table I, as an instructor, use, was perched up on one of the side benches. There were several pieces of equipment stacked on other benches. And there were about a dozen large boxes of cable just piled up in the front of the room, blocking access to the chalkboard (this room doesn't have a computer; I don't need one in there). And the prep room was even worse - stuff all over, a ladder blocking things. So okay FINE my first week's lab, I'll have them meet in the lecture room, it's not a wet lab, and I can do the second week's lab there too if it comes to that. But I was extremely unhappy and I let my chair know I needed all that stuff out of the way by the third week of classes. Which I think is a reasonable request, given that we:

a. pushed extra hard before our Christmas break, including me not doing a couple fun things I might have done, to move all the stuff out of the labs so they could "start in January"

b. they then did not start until March

c. we all put up with being in different buildings spring semester, some of which had departments that felt like they really didn't want us there and one building that had non-functional drinking fountains so I had to remember to bring my reusable bottle FULL (and one day, I had to spend TWO BUCKS AND FIFTY CENTS for a plastic bottle of water when I forgot it, and it was early allergy season, so I was coughing)

d. those of us in during the summer had to put up with noise some days, including drilling of concrete near us. This was the supposed internet-upgrade that was done as an apparently last-minute thing. Apparently the workers also left some people's offices a mess, and mine might still get hit if they need to do more work there

e. someone shut down the faculty printer, apparently reconnecting it to a temporary line, and it was only after something would not print that I found that out, so I had to wait for it to re-initialize.  

 

So yeah, it was an upsetting day. I did wind up indulging in a couple slices (the rest is in the fridge) of the pizza margherita (fresh mozzarella, tomato, basil - one of my favorite types of pizza) from the newish pizza place near campus. I got a salad, too, for a little "healthy" food. But I really hope tomorrow is better. I plan to work on research and give a hard stare (a la Paddington) to anyone who comes and wants me to "inspect" rooms given that I took about an hour this afternoon doing it. 

Also, I had been doubting this morning while getting ready to go in if maybe knitting that Emotional Support Chicken was Too Much and Too Weird but after my colleague (the one I was giving it to) and I got to talking before the meeting and I found out just how unpleasant her overload is (and that she had two kids who wound up going to the hospital in the same week this summer - one had a blood sugar issue (T1D) and the other broke an arm - I think maybe it's warranted, and if it helps, that's good. 

Tuesday evening things

 *Working on the second half of the chicken body; I would like to have this done to give to my colleague on the first day of classes but that may not happen.

* Tomorrow is the full day of meetings. I'm telling myself it'll be okay but I really don't like these, and in this day and age I also admit I think in the back of my mind how *all* the university's faculty will be gathered in one place and if someone wanted to do an awful thing....well.... (the CDC shooting, even though miraculously it sounds like the only people killed were a first responder and the shooter himself, is a terrifying thing and it DOES sound politically motivated, and a lot of us in the sciences and higher ed now probably have a bit of a target on our backs)

* I've been pushing on the research stuff but I only have 10 of the thirty-six samples sorted so far. I might be able to do one or two Thursday; I have no meetings until 11. And Friday, I only have the mammogram appointment at 1. It would be nice to get them at least half done but I am doubtful that will happen. I may just have to plan staying late some afternoons/into the evening once classes start.

*It's also just been a sad and stressful week, with news from the larger world (I skimmed a story on how mistreated some National Parks are being under the new regime, and I fear they won't exist in a few years, or they will be privately owned, and charge Disney level prices. And maybe my thought of "I can volunteer at Chickasaw in retirement" won't happen, but not because my knee won't allow it, but because it'll be a spa/casino for paying guests.). And the CDC shooting. And the shooting in Austin. And thinking about my mom's comment about my uncle not dealing well with the loss of his wife. And I saw a linked story from a pet rescue about a tomcat who needed medical help and he had lost an eye, probably in a fight. And it's all very much and I feel like I'm kind of emotionally raw right now.

*Another thing eating at me is AIs and LLMs. Both from the side of being a professor: I realized that the "article discussion and critique" write up I have students in one class do will be a real temptation for someone to use an AI to write their paper for them, so I may have to change the rules and say "okay, now I will call on you during the discussion period and have a question for you concerning the paper, be prepared to answer it or forfeit points" I wish the dang things had never been invented.

* But also, as a person whose main "skill" was "having knowledge that she can pull up out of her brain," what AM I if there's no longer any value in knowing stuff? I mean, yes, being an educated person with a wide range of knowledge has been devalued for a while, but now it seems worse, like "nothing you can do is something a computer can't do" and......there's nothing special about me any more. Maybe there never was. It does feel like some of the so-called techbros are trying to do things to eliminate the value of much of humanity and I don't like it.

* I remembered this piece today while I was working; and this evening I looked it up again:

 I think some of my distress is I really haven't gotten out much at all this year. This summer, nearly every day was working on research or teaching stuff. And literally a lot of days it was me working in my lab all morning, running home for lunch, then going back and working until maybe 4. And I didn't get OUT other than that one museum trip and a couple shopping trips, and the trip to Fort Washita, when it was really too hot to enjoy it. And once classes start there will be no time. And I think I am losing my sense of wonder and joy in the world and just feeling like a drone. 

* Maybe things will feel happier once classes start and I'm not working on the same thing six hours a day every day, and when other people are around. 

* I also want the chicken to be done so I can work a little on some of the unfinished projects FOR ME before I have to begin the one for my niece's birthday in October. I dug out some books I'd not looked at in a while and found a couple patterns I would like to make, but I MUST finish some of the things I have in progress yet. 

little more progress

 I got the current simple socks up past the gusset decreases. Now the colors look more "totally '80s" to me than "Easter egg," maybe I should have made the socks bigger and scrunchier with looser cuffs

 I also started the shortrowing on the chicken (this is the one I am giving to a colleague with multiple grad students and a hellish overload, so she's stressed and needs an emotional support chicken). You can see the diagonal on the right side; once I finish that side I go over to the other side and repeat it there. Then there's a different set of short rows to shape the "breast." It's a pretty clever pattern but I may be tired of it by the time I get the one I'm making for my niece's birthday done.

 I sent off a sympathy card to my uncle (and said "And family" because I know at least one of their grown kids came in). It's a little trickier to know what to write when someone isn't a person of faith (of any kind; I can look up what someone of a faith different to mine would consider good). I went with "my deepest condolences" which isn't much, but it's something. I figured it was better to write the quick thing and get the card in the mail instead of having it sitting on my desk at home for a week or two while I tried to think of what to write. 

I spoke to my mom last night and she just said "he's taking it pretty hard," which maybe isn't surprising (given knowing people in my family). I hope having his kids around will help. I know he has plans to move closer to one of them now.  

I had a bad pain day today. I don't know if it was the weather (hot and humid, and we're supposed to get rain tonight but not yet), or that I hadn't done my PT stretches in a few days (I did them this evening even though I'd rather spend that half-hour knitting), or if it's just stress and sadness over a lot of things. Or maybe even allergies; I sorted through three more (of the 36) samples today, and while I wear an N95 mask while doing it, I think I'm still getting exposure to mold spores. 

Anyway, I HURT today, and it was kind of miserable. I took a tylenol with dinner (I do that only rarely) and like I said, I did the stretches, which seemed to help. If it were less than 95 degrees out I'd consider a heating pad, but I think that would just make me crankier given how hot it is. 

At least I managed to get my "reserved parking" sticker today - we have free access to parking in many lots, a few lots are "reserved for permitted faculty" and you can buy a faculty permit (if you are faculty) for $50 for a full year, which is cheap enough. And one of the lots is the one next to my building, meaning I have guaranteed close parking (the front lot is the reserved lot; there are a few unreserved spaces in the back lot but students can use those too, and while I could get one coming in at or before 8 am, I couldn't run home for lunch on days I don't have an afternoon class and get a spot there when I came back. So the reserved spot is worth it to me)

 Wednesday is our day of all-meetings, Thursday is departmental meeting, Friday I have my annual mammogram in the afternoon so the rest of the week is going to be busy 

and another loss

 My mom just called me. One of my aunts, the wife of my dad's middle brother, just passed away.

 

She had had dementia (probably Alzheimer's) and I didn't know it, but she recently had a stroke, too, and she died last night. 

I think of what my friend Wanda said, about how when someone you knew when you were younger dies, that you are not just mourning the person, but in a way, mourning the experiences you had when they were around, and it brings home that those times can never happen again.

I admit we had at times a difficult relationship; she could be kind of picky and I admit at times she rubbed me the wrong way. But me being me, I kept my mouth shut and usually just went avoidant. 

But still. I remember her at my brother's wedding, and I remember her laugh, and I remember the family reunions. 

And knowing my family is a bit smaller now is hard.  

I'm in here trying to work on my research but also running into a few logistical (mainly: lack of space for things) issues and now it's a little harder to do it. 

Little more chicken

 I got the second part of the tail done, and hooked them together (there's a crocheted ridge that hooks the two halves together. And I picked up all the stitches for the body and did the stripe of darker yarn on the back. 

I have a few more rows of the main color before I start shortrowing to shape the body 

It was incredibly hot today but I did get out to Albertson's. 

And also Katy Depot, again. Here is another shot of the chandeliers. It still amazes me that this was once a train station.

 

And yes, I bought yarn. A hand dyed yarn with sequins, for a hat. 

 

I also ran to Michael's; I had a voucher and as it turned out the thing I wanted - that I had looked at on a previous trip and considered but not bought - was 30% off. I got the last one.

 

It's a Halloween decoration, of a cat head. They had other "spookier" cats with orange eyes but I preferred this one.

 

And...okay, this is maybe a little out of character for my generally trying-to-be-family-friendly blog, but they had these letters hanging up, and someone before me had come through and....adjusted.....the letters in one of the ways you typically see done....

 

("Here's your sign"? Heh.)

 

I also got my groceries, so I can now avoid going out most of next week