Tuesday evening things

 *Working on the second half of the chicken body; I would like to have this done to give to my colleague on the first day of classes but that may not happen.

* Tomorrow is the full day of meetings. I'm telling myself it'll be okay but I really don't like these, and in this day and age I also admit I think in the back of my mind how *all* the university's faculty will be gathered in one place and if someone wanted to do an awful thing....well.... (the CDC shooting, even though miraculously it sounds like the only people killed were a first responder and the shooter himself, is a terrifying thing and it DOES sound politically motivated, and a lot of us in the sciences and higher ed now probably have a bit of a target on our backs)

* I've been pushing on the research stuff but I only have 10 of the thirty-six samples sorted so far. I might be able to do one or two Thursday; I have no meetings until 11. And Friday, I only have the mammogram appointment at 1. It would be nice to get them at least half done but I am doubtful that will happen. I may just have to plan staying late some afternoons/into the evening once classes start.

*It's also just been a sad and stressful week, with news from the larger world (I skimmed a story on how mistreated some National Parks are being under the new regime, and I fear they won't exist in a few years, or they will be privately owned, and charge Disney level prices. And maybe my thought of "I can volunteer at Chickasaw in retirement" won't happen, but not because my knee won't allow it, but because it'll be a spa/casino for paying guests.). And the CDC shooting. And the shooting in Austin. And thinking about my mom's comment about my uncle not dealing well with the loss of his wife. And I saw a linked story from a pet rescue about a tomcat who needed medical help and he had lost an eye, probably in a fight. And it's all very much and I feel like I'm kind of emotionally raw right now.

*Another thing eating at me is AIs and LLMs. Both from the side of being a professor: I realized that the "article discussion and critique" write up I have students in one class do will be a real temptation for someone to use an AI to write their paper for them, so I may have to change the rules and say "okay, now I will call on you during the discussion period and have a question for you concerning the paper, be prepared to answer it or forfeit points" I wish the dang things had never been invented.

* But also, as a person whose main "skill" was "having knowledge that she can pull up out of her brain," what AM I if there's no longer any value in knowing stuff? I mean, yes, being an educated person with a wide range of knowledge has been devalued for a while, but now it seems worse, like "nothing you can do is something a computer can't do" and......there's nothing special about me any more. Maybe there never was. It does feel like some of the so-called techbros are trying to do things to eliminate the value of much of humanity and I don't like it.

* I remembered this piece today while I was working; and this evening I looked it up again:

 I think some of my distress is I really haven't gotten out much at all this year. This summer, nearly every day was working on research or teaching stuff. And literally a lot of days it was me working in my lab all morning, running home for lunch, then going back and working until maybe 4. And I didn't get OUT other than that one museum trip and a couple shopping trips, and the trip to Fort Washita, when it was really too hot to enjoy it. And once classes start there will be no time. And I think I am losing my sense of wonder and joy in the world and just feeling like a drone. 

* Maybe things will feel happier once classes start and I'm not working on the same thing six hours a day every day, and when other people are around. 

* I also want the chicken to be done so I can work a little on some of the unfinished projects FOR ME before I have to begin the one for my niece's birthday in October. I dug out some books I'd not looked at in a while and found a couple patterns I would like to make, but I MUST finish some of the things I have in progress yet.