Bad Friday evening

Maybe the Universe is telling me to give up knitting, that it will just ruin everything I try

 

First, that shawl that I found that had many holes in it after I rewashed it (I still have not thrown it away but DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE to try to fix in any way, I should just pitch it)

 

Now, tonight - turns out the Leading Men Fiber Arts yarn I had for Storm either dry-rotted (it's fracturing into bits) or something somehow got to it and damaged it a lot while it was stored IN A CLOSED CANVAS BAG WITH A ZIPPER

Here is the shawl before I killed it

 Here's the hole I found which expanded as I tried to fix it

 I tried to unravel the shawl in the thought of restarting. But that's a BAD idea because with how my luck goes? I'd hit an end during one of the dropped-stitch sections and there's NO WAY to secure that. If I DO restart the shawl - and I might not, maybe I'm done with shawls forever because it seems they don't last, maybe I'm done with KNITTING forever and I just landfill all the yarn I have on the grounds that giving it away would be a bad idea because I'd be giving people bad yarn - but if I do it will be from a new yarn that I wind off RIGHT BEFORE I START and try not to let it sit forever in a bag in case it was critters that ate it. 

 

But I'm upset and angry and sad and feeling very much a failure at everything right now.

 

MAYBE I have enough remnants of that yarn for mitts, I don't know. I don't have enough to redo a shawlette and I"m angry enough I might just throw it out

 I desperately need to feel good and competent at something

 

maybe I have to only ever use acrylic yarn forever because of this idiotic climate that kills natural fibers. I don't know if carpet beetles got it or if it just dry rotted; now I'm scared that the other shawls I have stored away in bug proof bags will have rotted to nothing. 

Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. You spend your life doing stuff but wind up with NOTHING to show.

 

I hate everything, I'm going to bed.