Tuesday afternoon things

 * I had somewhat of a reaction to the vaccine - was okay until about 3:30 pm Saturday, and then started to feel tired, and achy, and cold. I think I ran a fever for a bit. I went to bed for a little while and felt better around dinner time so I made some toast and had a yogurt. I was mostly okay but tired Sunday.

I'm still tired today and do feel slightly like the aftereffects of a virus.

*It's also possible I feel like I do because I started on my "self evaluation" for the fall and also my three-year post tenure review packet (every year we have to do a "what I did last year" and a "what I'm going to do next year," every three years those of us with tenure have to do a big review of the previous three years). And I hate it. And it bums me out every time, because I feel like I never do enough, and it's never good enough (though, objectively, I've not lost my job yet). But also a lot of the stuff I do day to day that's valuable to me, and I presume to the students, is "invisible" on these things - there's no line for "treating the students with kindness" or "helping people solve minor computer problems" and so there's both that sense of "the stuff I'm really good at doesn't get recorded" which can then flip over in my mind into "the stuff I'm really good at doesn't *matter*" and I know it's what we'd call in church a "world vs. Kingdom" problem - in that what the world seems to value (ESPECIALLY now, ESPECIALLY in the US, where having a ton of money but maybe not much sense gets you heard, and being a bully lets you get ahead in a way being a kind person does not) but it's still hard. It's hard to remember that there are valuable things that no one ever "sees," but that they still count. 

And I think of this thing that I saw on a tumblr once, and I hunted it down again:

 It's from a book by Suzanne Rivecca called "Ugly, Bitter, and True." I've never read it but that thing resonates.

 I think that's also why I'm less likely to do things like try to design knitting patterns, partly because of not wanting to sink time into something that might be unsuccessful, but also, yes, the "it has to make up for the fact that it's me."

And that's also probably why I don't play piano for anyone buy myself; the fact that I can almost never play even a simple piece like that Clementi Sonatina in C that every beginning student learns without a mistake in it.  

* I need to get on the chicken for my niece's birthday, I don't know whether to get everything out and start tonight or put it off for another day or so. I admit I'm getting a little bit burnt out on chickens but it's such a perfect thing for her I should still do it. 

* I'm still working on the soil samples. I have three left but couldn't do any more than the two I did today - I stayed home a bit after lunch to practice piano, and I admit to hear what the "big announcement" was (it was dumber than advertised, but at least it wasn't some new horror)

* I watched part of "Ralph Breaks the Internet" again last night. I like it better than the first time I saw it, but I still think "Wreck-it Ralph" is better, partly because it feels more timeless - a lot of the internet stuff in the newer movie has really aged fast in a way the video game stuff did not. (I am also embarrassed to admit that I didn't get the joke being made in the title until last night - I don't think about "breaks the internet" in the Kardashian sense rather than that literal "it got unplugged" sense, but yeah, that's the bit - he briefly breaks the internet with viral videos, as he's trying to earn money to repair Vanellope's game.)

The Princesses bit is moderately cute, though the "We can't understand her, she's from the other studio" (Pixar) bit with Merida speaking in an incomprehensible brogue wasn't all that funny to me for some reason.