a dumb "want"

 Today was kind of a rough day: allergies bad, four classes (one a two hour lab), wrote two exams after all that (so got home LATE), hurting (I hope I didn't injure my knee again, it's been bothering me). Bailed on piano practice because of no time and that makes me sad. 

Thinking about a fad. The Labubu dolls (? or is it animals? mascots? I'm not sure what to call them).

When I first saw them, I immediately thought of the trendy rich girls I went to grade school with and how they'd get all the fad things and then mock and exclude those who didn't have it (which would have included me; we didn't have the money for fads, my parents thought they were foolish, and I had almost no spending money. And I remember the slight displeasure when I spent some of my saved-up allowance on Smurfs; I guess I was supposed to spend it on something more "mature" like a book....)

And so, initially, I kind of got the ick off them. It also doesn't seem to help when you see people (mostly young white women, but not exclusively women) in stores being obnoxious and loud and rude and they have a couple dangling from their purse.

But then. I see them on the doll blogs. And I admit there is something slightly endearing about them. I look at the faces and I think "here is a creature that doesn't give one single damn what everyone thinks of her*" 

(*yes, I see them as female)

And it's that - it's almost like Little My in the Moomin books (which are very popular in their Japanese translation). That almost callousness out the outside (though I think inside, My DOES care, at least about some of the other creatures she shares her life with).

But I like that "not giving a damn." I mean, yes, it can be malignant - like the person who is rude and in everyone's face and disturbs people's peace. But there's another kind of it: being confident, and knowing your own worth, and being able to walk past people excluding you or mocking you with your head held high knowing they don't matter. And that there are people who DO, and they are the ones who care about you and wouldn't treat you like that. 

But that's something I've struggled with my whole life, and I suspect I always will to some extent. I am less that way than I once was, but I do, I admit, at times, still feel that lonely 12 year old eating in a dim corner of the lunchroom because no one wants her at their table, or who feels like everyone is laughing at her. And it would be nice to have some kind of little companion to remind you to keep grinning and keep a sardonic look in your eyes, and just keep going....

Oh no, I am not buying one. Labubus are EXPENSIVE (and surely will become more, given their status as an imported good). I could get a couple Squishamals (like the mothmen I posted the other days) for less than the price of one Labubu. 

But still....as I said there's something endearing about a creature that doesn't listen to the "haters"

(Maybe I see if there's an affordable Little My plushie. Or I already have a mini-Stitch, from Lilo and Stitch, who in his own way is similar...)