and still waiting

 They didn't totally finish the painting last night; there's a tiny bit of trim on the back and also all the masking paper needs removal, some of which I could not reach

they're still not here. Normally they're here by 8:30, and okay, I get maybe grabbing an extra hour of sleep if you know you have a shorter day, but I did text the big boss who claims they're on their way. (I also wonder if there's an accident on the highway they're stuck behind; those are common given all the construction). 

I'm also fretting about the indoor work; I asked the big boss but he didn't say anything about that. Either he was busy with another client or maybe he's putting me off? But the contract states the indoor work will be done and it's not been altered so I think I can stand pat on my remaining money until all the work is done. 

It's just....I've been coping with all my kitchen stuff in boxes I have to dig through in the dining room when I need something, and I'm worrying about "what if they're not done when classes have to start again" and I guess this week I take a jaunt out somewhere to get a copy of the front door key made (I already ordered a lock-box to hold keys just in case - because I KNOW I cannot trust to find one for sale in this town)

I'm picking away at doing more cleaning in the sewing room as a displacement activity so I don't sit here and fret about why I have't seen any car or truck pull up yet, but it's not really working. 

I kind of want to scream. And also, my current advice to people thinking about doing home reno? Don't. 

I guess I probably waited too late in the summer to do this. I've already forced myself to accept I won't get a day to go up to Chickasaw; I'll be lucky if the work is done before the first week of classes is done at this point. 

I hate this though. I can see why couples split up over this kind of thing. And I"m trying to bear it alone, like I have to bear everything. People tell me it will be worth it when it's done but right now I feel doubt about that.

What I really hate? That I am going to probably have to stop being nice and polite about this to get the work I am contracted to have done, done. I am not good at being not-nice and not-polite; I have basically two modes, one is "near-doormat" (which is my usual default) and my other is "shrew" and I don't have anything in between - I am not good at being forceful but calm because I remain pretty passive until I absolutely hit the point of meltdown, and then I just get angry and either start to cry or yell a little bit. I don't want to do either of those things, but....I'm on a schedule here, my life has been disrupted for a long time, I'm tired, and I just want some satisfaction