all the feels

 I hadn't received the printed journal (it's either somewhere in limbo, or maybe POAS isn't doing them any longer), but I found out today my most recent publication is out. (As far as I know, this is an "open source" or whatever you call it journal, so you should be able to click the .pdf button and down  load the paper to read without charge). 

I say "all the feels" because skimming through it just now I realized this was the one that kind of straddled a couple anni horribiles for me - 2019, when my father passed away (I think the first sampling was right before that, and then the later 2019 samplings were after I returned to Oklahoma) and then 2020 - there are no spring 2020 data because we were not permitted on campus because of the pandemic, and I couldn't collect and process soils without access to the lab. 

But in summer 2020, I went back and completed the project. Summer 2021 was spent writing it up and submitting it. And now it's out. I guess in a way I can say I managed to persist through some very adverse situations but the truth is at that point I was still really afraid of "negative post-tenure reviews" and one thing that the pandemic's broken for me? I don't care nearly so much any more. In fact, a couple times, I've said recently about more minor things*, "What are they gonna do, FIRE me?" when I realize that three of the four classes I currently teach - and the new-to-me one this spring, in addition - are classes that no one else could cover easily given their expertise.

I mean, still: I kind of crave the headpat of "you did a good job" but if it comes down to my general mental health and being able to rest from time to time, the self-care is going to win out

(*nothing actually immoral or illegal, things like skipping meetings that are "required" for the whole faculty yet do not have attendance taken)

But still, it's nice to have this paper out. I printed out a copy and posted it on the corkboard that a couple of us use as a "brag board" for papers or grants notifications.