Again, I'm invisible

 Had to do some business at the bank (for a group I'm part of). One person forgot to show up, and they live 20 minutes away, so we rescheduled for tomorrow

So I went to Pruett's.

One big unsettling thing that threw me off my game: the milk case was entirely empty. Just, cleared out. I assumed it was the cooler had broken but I looked around for where they might have moved the milk to but there was none in any of the other coolers (they have those "special deal" coolers in the middle of some aisles, they could have put it there. So I asked someone and she told me to find someone stocking shelves, they could tell me. But the shelf stockers were not to be found.

Okay, fine. So I guess I ration my milk until after Christmas then.

So then I went and looked at the meat. The prepackaged steaks, couldn't see any that looked good, so I thought, fine, I'll get one out of the case. But first, there was a couple arguing in front of the case (and no workers around) and I waited well back of them (OF COURSE they were unmasked). When they left I stepped up - still no workers (and no bell). Finally someone came out, and I asked for help. She yelled back into the space behind and said "someone will be right with you"

When the man finally came out, ANOTHER MAN stepped up from the side of the case and said, before I could even open my mouth, "I need a pork shoulder" even though I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE

And of course the guy ducked back into the back room to get it.

And at that point, I was DONE. I was already upset about the milk - everything seems so precarious right now, so scarce, so hard to get - and I wasn't going to wait for another ten minutes. So angrily I walked away, figuring fine, I'll eat canned salmon or beans for Christmas dinner. Another worker saw me and asked what I needed and I literally started to cry.

It did not help that the tannoy was playing "I'll be Home for Christmas" in that moment.

Anyway. He got me my steak, and yes, I thanked him and apologized and said I was just upset over not having been able to travel this year, and I grabbed a few other things (doubtless I forgot something but whatever). At the checkout I mentioned the missing milk and the checker said "Oh, I think you have to ask for that, do you want me to see if I can go get some" but as there were about a dozen people behind me in line - and I'd also rather DIE than have to go through the machinations of asking for the very specific kind I want - I said no, I'd come back tomorrow.

SO MUCH FOR 'SHOP ONLY ONCE A WEEK TO LIMIT YOUR RISK OF COVID"

There are three other places in town that sell milk - Wal-mart, but I won't go in there now (and their pick up slots are full until after Christmas), Braum's (who adds something - I think it's powdered dry milk - to their skim milk which makes it taste cooked*), and Green Spray, which only carries the brand I buy in Whole and 2% varieties and I really prefer skim

Anyway, I have to go out tomorrow to the bank again, so maybe I try Pruett's again? But that meat-counter thing weighs heavy on me. I know it should not, junk like that happens every day to every body but when you're alone as much as I am now, every negative interaction weighs harder and is harder to forget - not that they ever were easy for me to forget, as someone who replays every conversation in her head. 

(*Other option would be to get 1%, which is acceptable. Though at this point it might be hard to fit a gallon container, instead of the two half-gallon sizes I more commonly buy, in the fridge)