Trying to write up notes for first day of stats. I want to have extensive notes for all my classes, at least for the first week, even for the things I've taught 20 times. Because I suspect that I'm going to be rattled and unhappy and having the notes will help me not to forget things. Also, if I keep up (at least with the stats notes, since I have not Powerpoints for that class) I could post them on BlackBoard just in case the video technology fails me.
But yeah, it's tiring and time consuming. I will probably teach better for having done it but I have a feeling this is not going to be a very good semester teaching-wise any way.
* I slept badly last night because I was upset about....well, everything. I also spent too much time playing stupid games on my phone; I downloaded a few and while many of them seem to want to run you up to an impossible level where you go "okay" and pay the $2 or whatever for a cheat code to beat it, I'm stubborn and cheap enough I won't, so I wind up doing the same level 80 times when I really should just be knitting instead, because that will relax me more and I'll have something to show for the effort. But somehow the games seem easier when you're tired.
* Something I was thinking about driving in today: one casualty of the pandemic for me, sadly, is "loving my neighbor." I find it hard to love people who go to crowded places and hang around unmasked, or who are unpleasant to store clerks who ask them to mask, or who mock people who wear a mask (it happened to a friend of mine - someone harassed her at a store until she hauled off and said "I am the caretaker for my 90 year old mother, I know this disease is real because my brother had it, so leave me alone" and she walked off).
and I know, I know: not loving your neighbor is a sin, and all of this is maybe a test to see how we can do this, continue to love our neighbors even when they act in ways some of us find profoundly unlovable? I don't know.
it makes me sad though because I miss people, I miss simple friendly human contact. But then I hear of stuff like that happening and I'm not sure I WANT human contact. Though I also think I'll die if I have to go very many more months like this. I can tell it's taken a toll on my mental health; I cry a lot more easily now and I get angry a lot more easily now and I am less patient with myself.
I also know some people say "despair is a sin" and I can kind of see that but it's been very hard for me through a lot of this NOT to despair. Part of it is it's the usual summer doldrums - it's too hot to get out, even to hiking trails, even really to mow the lawn, it's not rained in a long time, there's no change in the weather and it feels a lot like Groundhog Day right now (the movie, I mean). Like we're trapped in an endless loop. And every late-summer kind of feels like this for me, but this year it's worse because I'm staying home so strictly.
I don't know. I don't know how to repair the broken things in my life and my personality. Maybe an end to the pandemic will allow that. Right now it just feels like being stuck in a bad place and not being able to get out.
* I've been spending too much money, but then again, other than groceries, I'm not doing in-person shopping. I recently ordered some yarn from Herrschnerr's for some knitted and crocheted toys I recently got patterns for (and they take the super chunky type of yarn I don't keep on hand).
I also broke down and pre-ordered another stuffed horse; this one from Lunar Shine - her name is Apogee and she is slowly making her way (along with all her clones) across the Pacific. I'd been watching the page for a while because she was eternally in pre-order but I guess they are actually on the way now so I decided to risk ordering. Anyway, I've ordered from LunarShine in the before-times (that's where my two batponies came from) and the quality was good and they seem reputable enough. Apogee is from a comic I've never read but I don't care - new pone, and I can also imbue her with whatever personality I want, if I've never read the comic. She is a yellow Pegasus and yellow ponies are my favorites.
Yes, yes, I know. But it's one of the very few things that makes me happy right now.
I also ordered some reprints of "classic" children's books ("The Diamond in the Window," which I just barely remember but want to re-read, and Miss Suzy, which I may have even had a copy of once upon a time as a kid). I don't know. Right now I want fall to come, I want to be able to curl up in my bed with my blankets and a stack of fun books and maybe even spend some chilly Saturday with the blinds up and the windows even open (maybe) and read. I also have my Asterix books which are good relaxation reading.
* I would feel happier if we had some substantially cooler weather. I mean highs down in the lower 70s, not this "oh it's a nice little cool down, the high tomorrow will be 92" business that we get here.
* First faculty meeting of the new year is tomorrow, and it's going to be in person, masked and distanced. I hope it's not long, but those kinds of meetings often are.
* Board meeting is tonight or frankly I'd just go home and go to bed (except I'm also supposed to call my mom tonight). Probably I should just close down all the electronics as early as possible this evening and go to bed early and read Asterix until I feel like going to sleep.
* I am on the second to last repeat of the big cabled blanket so it seems most reasonable to work on that in hopes of having it done soon, even if it's too hot for a heavy acrylic blanket right now. Then maybe I move back on to the vest. I need to get back to doing more knitting again: I am happier when I do it and Lord knows I have enough yarn to work through. But somehow in recent months it's been harder - partly I hang out too much on social media, maybe because I have so little human contact otherwise? I don't know.
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