Hitting a wall

I am having to take deep breaths and remind myself that this leak has been ongoing (apparently) for a couple months, and I just paid for the water wasted, and if the plumber can't get out to fix it before I leave for Illinois, I can just either continue to pay, or I can see if I can figure out how to turn off the water at the meter and turn it back on when I return.

(I am NOT asking the city again. Primarily because I will return on a Saturday when they won't be available to turn it back on, but also because they have a record of getting snippy about things and I could see my request of "please turn off my water Monday afternoon" being "heard" as "turn it off right now")

But yeah. I can tell I am anxious and operating on even less....I don't even know what the right word is....than normal. I didn't sleep well last night because I kept thinking of "when do I get the plumber out, and what do I do if he says he can't fix it" and it kept me awake.

They have not called yet. They have my cell phone number, they know I am available until 11 am. I hope they call or just go out and fix it and then call me.

But I really can't take much more. So many stupid little things have happened on top of the big awful things and it sends my sense of guilt into overdrive so I wind up screaming at God or the universe or whatever "Just TELL me what I did wrong that I'm being punished for and I'll FIX it, I can't deal with much more of this"