Maybe, a message?

A couple different places online this week - ITFF, a tumblr, and I think somewhere else? A blog that wouldn't have reblogged from the tumblr in question - I saw Mary Oliver's poem, "Wild Geese":

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -- over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

And I admit, yes, I tend too much to read meaning into things that are possibly just random, but...yeah. I admit with one of the times I saw it, I read the lines "You do not have to be good/You do not have to walk on your knees/For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting" and I just started crying.

Because yeah. That's been a lot of my late summer/fall: Me screaming at the universe "Why? What did I do that this all is happening to me? Tell me, and I will repent of whatever sin it is, I will make amends, I just want the bad things to stop!"

I suppose the real answer is what I told someone else, who lost a loved relative and then that very same day was in a (minor in terms of injuries, but it messed up their car) car accident: Sometimes it seems like all the suck hits you at the same time.

At least as of now, the Parade of Suck seems to have lessened up considerably. Work is still hard, I make too many mistakes, I don't have enough energy, but at least things aren't actively awful in the way they were in mid-September.

I have to write my Sunday School lesson and then the rest of the day is devoted to antiquing and also picking up a few other things I need. I should put up my wreath this weekend and do the last few bits of decorating. At least I wrote next week's exam yesterday so that's off my plate.