"it's not fair"

The last discussion article in Policy and Law was this one

The thing that stuck out to me? For one, the researcher went in expecting people wanted compensation for loss of land-use due to species protection, but it turned out people either equally wanted - or wanted MORE - to have a say in future legislation, or to have their efforts recognized

(Olive refers to these as "Distributive justice," "Procedural justice," and "recognition-as-justice")

These are interesting concepts and it strikes me very much that they apply more broadly. Yes, it would be nice to be paid more, or to get a COLA on a regular basis, or any of those things. But more than that I would like for shared-governance to have more teeth (and have some of the stuff faculty are asked/told to do that is over and above our regular work shot down, instead of us being asked to accept the extra work) but ESPECIALLY "recognition."

I would very much like to feel like people SEE the stuff I am doing. (Olive refers to a landowner who talks about having been given a plaque *30 years before* recognizing his efforts at land preservation).

I think that is a very human thing, and I also think it's something that super gets lost in the shuffle of modern work. And yet....so much of the stuff, it does feel like lip service. (I have complained about how many "wellness programs" at work put the onus for "stress reduction" on the employee - basically, telling them "be less stressed" while the program has no authority (or perhaps, no responsibility) to work to reduce the factors that might be stressful. I have talked before about James 2:16: "If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?" and yes, that's not just true in a religious context.)


But yes. I do feel kind of worn right now, and I have to quickly enter these last few grades, and go eat, and put my plants on the waterers and turn down the thermostat and do all the other things necessary before I leave for....I don't even know what. Part of the stress about this coming week is all the unknowns. I have literally never gone to a memorial service for a parent of mine before. I have not dealt with some of the people who will be there for five years or more. I don't know what will happen if a couple people CAN'T get hotel rooms this close to Thanksgiving....but I also know no one will notice me bravely smiling as I am slowly crushed by the figurative pillar I am trying to caryatid. 


And I also admit I feel a little bit like no one noticed that I was there in class EVERY DARN DAY this semester, maybe some days with a bit more grimness in my face than is ideal. BUT I WAS THERE. I did what I had to do. Even though I didn't want to. And I know some people go "but you were ONLY doing what you had to do, you shouldn't be praised for that" but given what's been going on in my head and my heart....well, I want them to deal with what I've been dealing with and then see how they feel.


But yeah. I suppose I could award myself a "gold star" but it feels kind of empty when you're the one doing it. 


I don't know. But the stuff in that article struck me.