And book dissatisfaction

I thought I'd start in with something new last night; hit a slightly-more-violent section of "Trojan Gold" and didn't want that, and "The Furthest Station" (with its "ghosts" and kidnapping plot) was making me sad. So I thought I'd try some non-fiction.

First I picked up one of the Clara Parkes books on having a life in yarn, but then I realized - no, I got annoyed with her last time I tried to read, because all of the "problems" she described seemed so minor, and her life seemed so fun and nice compared to mine, and right now I'm in one of those stupid eddies* of being envious of other people's lives.


(*Yes, I know: stupid and wrong and sinful, because I'm not being grateful for the good things I do have. But this past six weeks has been pretty awful and I am right now seeing a lot of other people's "problems" and thinking "Wow, those are nice 'problems' to have")

And then I saw one on The Greatest Equations or something similar, and flipped it open, and thought "nah" because I was tired.

And I picked up one - I forget the title but it was someone who had written a book review a week for a couple years - but looking at the introduction, I realized it was another "So I met THIS cool famous person and I went to this cool place" book, and I just couldn't with that then, seeing how small my life has shrunk recently.

And there was another one that I remembered I had started LAST time I was up to visit my parents in May, and nope, couldn't.

In the end, I went back to "The Furthest Station" (and yeah, it looks like the person they're looking for is dead, and everything is death and destruction everywhere and there are no happy endings, I guess) but man I wish I had had something nicer to read. I need to be better prepared tonight and find something good before it's like 9 pm.

I could go back to "The Three Musketeers," which I never finished, but I'd have to backtrack in it to pick up the thread of the story, and also right now I am extra stupid and my reading comprehension is bad, and also, there's just a lot of random and callous death in that book, and I don't want to read about people dying right now.

Maybe I switch for a while to looking at either books of quilt patterns, or knitting-stitch directories, before bed, and just plan future projects instead?

***

Several of my students have already begged off the discussion class today either sick or "sick" (I can't always tell but I give the benefit of the doubt). A few more and I could just cancel and go back home....

I have someone who has to make up an exam but they've not got back to me about when. I kind of hate how everything in my life feels unsettled (I've also had people ask for extensions on stuff, which means that I can't call the grading "done"). I need something settled and solid, not all this dang quicksand that seems to surround me.

I might do my weekly grocery shopping after lunch today; it's supposed to rain like crazy Friday and Saturday and I'm also still "off" the idea of driving very far for anything. I just wish we had nicer choices in town than what we do have. I'm still largely without much of an appetite or motivation to cook. I made bean burgers the other day and that is about the limit of what I feel like doing. I'm telling myself maybe if I can figure out either a carry out or a quick meal from the grocery store I want, I just do that this evening for dinner. Not ready for pizza again yet, not in the mood for barbecue so that eliminates most of the carry out food possibilities. (Even though I've relaxed my salt restrictions of late, Asian food, at least how it's prepared here, is still too salty for me, or I'd just get a lo mein.)