This and that

* Tomorrow I head off to the Shreveport area (I've more or less figured out my route and despite having something like a map function on my new phone, I am printing off maps, because that is how I am.

I'm going to see my friend Laura. We had this set up earlier in the summer but she had a family emergency and had to cancel, but honestly? Sometimes things work out the "right" way. I very much need a weekend away right now, and doing something different with a friend. I'm not sure what all we will be doing (I'll leave some of the stuff up to her discretion as she knows the area, and also, it's going to be very hot) but two things planned are:

- a trip to her local yarn store (I am *always* up for a yarn store, quilt shop, antique store, or bookstore trip)

- me attempting to hypnotize a chicken  (using the method here, which I may print out and bring with me) one of her friendlier chickens (she suggested one she calls Lucille) because after reading about that somewhere I've wanted to try it.

- I also plan on just lying down on the floor when I get there and letting her cats crawl all over me. I need some cat time.

* I finally remembered to call my friend Mike back - he had called the Friday evening when everything happened, and he must've called while I was on the phone (so those numbers don't show up as missed calls - I don't have call waiting) but he left a message I didn't get until I got back. I kept telling myself I needed to call and thank him (it was a nice message) but I kept forgetting (that bad short-term memory thing again) but finally yesterday afternoon I remembered.

I'm guessing he also called our minister, because then Andy called me and said "A little bird told me you were back in town...' and I think that has to be Mike. He was just checking on me to be sure I was OK (I said yes, mostly, but I had some bad days) and if I needed anything (not really at that moment). I mentioned my Louisiana trip and he highly endorsed doing something like that right now, so I figure if a man of the cloth, who knows human nature and has had some training in counseling says it's good, then it must be a good thing to do.

* Today was the "State of the University" address and one more reason I like our current university president: he keeps these things very short. He says what needs to be said, and not more. (He does not seem to be a man in love with the sound of his own voice, or if he is, he's aware that other people are not).

The downside of it was that after that was the 'free faculty lunch' and this year it was food-trucks. Which were parked outside. In the 103 degree heat. The one I had the ticket for (we had a choice) had a v. short line, but even that was bad, because it was in the direct sun. I was all "I'm a field biologist, I can hack this" but after a couple minutes standing there I found I was getting lightheaded. So first I took a knee. Then, I realized, nope, I better sit full down.

About 20 seconds after that two things happened - all the people ahead of me (four or five) encouraged me to go to the head of the line, and two of the campus police came jogging over to check on me. I got my food and one of the cops ran and got me a bottle of water, and the other one walked back with me into the building (where the chairs and tables were) to see I got there safely. Which is reassuring.

I know as an older, professional, white, woman I don't check any of the boxes that would likely make any cop falsely suspicious but I will say I've always had very positive dealings with our campus PD, ranging from talking with the cop when our building was having break-ins, to the person who came after I got rear-ended in the university van, to today. (Also one time when I got a parking ticket, but the car and car tag listed on the ticket I was mailed were not my car, and the car was described as being somewhere I never go, and I called the PD to ask for clarification, and the cop looked me up on his computer and said "Oh, that is not you, I can see that, I'll take it off")

*I *think* it was just the heat, and being in full sun (I was better, later, waiting for dessert - a shave ice - in the shade. And in my experience, I need to stay out of direct sunlight when it's really hot). Maybe a little bit of still being a bit...overwhelmed by recent events. I don't know if stresses like grief can make a person physiologically weaker, but it stands to reason that it could. (It was also VERY humid today and I have a history of being done-in easily by high humidity).

* One of my two new colleagues (the one I was on the hiring committee for; he is the new tenure-track person) walked back to my car with me and I drove him the rest of the way back up here. I also managed to print out some stuff he needed - they don't have his printer drivers installed yet. So at least I was able to do a small kindness for someone to balance out the help I received earlier.

And I feel a certain...obligation isn't quite the right word here, but....I remember when I was a scared new prof, a couple of my more-mature colleagues (two of whom are still here) helped me out a lot, and so I feel like I can maybe repay the favor with these guys, at least for one of them this is the first "solo" professoring (as opposed to working under someone else's direction)

* So anyway. I should probably head for home, think about getting packed up a little (and also hang out for a while somewhere cooler, it's about 80 degrees F in here) and do some more piano practice and maybe rest up a little after my near-fainting experience this afternoon.


Edited to add: New t-shirt, this was ordered early last month and came while I was out of town, but I think perhaps it suits even more now than before:

It has a line drawing of a tardigrade on it and it says "Tardigrade tough." Because tardigrades, like The Goonies, never say "die" and they can withstand all kinds of amazingly harsh conditions. And yeah - I have needed to be very "tough" in that sense these past few weeks. Though I also think of something someone I follow on twitter retweeted, from Father Ryan Hildebrand, and I've been thinking about it a lot these days:

"You think you can handle things if you "toughen up"? Why? Tough meat is terrible. Tough bread is practically worthless. Tough vegetables are bitter. You don't need to be a total softie, but you may be better off if you'd soften up a little."

And yes: a person doesn't have to be tough in that sense, but you can still be STRONG. And I think I prefer to think of "I have to be strong here" rather than "I have to be tough here" because a lot of the "tough" teachers I had in school/college were either very inflexible even in cases where maybe a little flexibility was called for or were cruel/rude to some of the students. And I think you can be strong and deal with hard things but also keep your humanity and kindness  - and in some cases, remaining kind in the face of difficulty requires a greater strength than being mean or rude does.

I know I have had to be strong - probably the time that sticks out most in my mind was when my mom and I went to the funeral home, and they asked her a question about something, and it was just one question too many for her in that moment, and I could see that, and I decided it was on me to take a deep breath and make the decision that was one decision too many for her, and I did it. And it didn't break me. Or if it did, that break got mended fairly quickly (I think also of the Japanese practice of Kintsugi, where broken pottery is mended by using a lacquer containing gold to seal where the cracks were, and somehow, I love that in a metaphorical sense,  that maybe the parts of you that get a little damaged by life can, in some way, be transformed into something beautiful and that is a strong and essential part of you as you go on in life...