Sunday evening melancholy

Hugging Sugarplum (who is excellent for this sort of thing) because I just got off the phone with my mom over MORE paperwork stuff.

Oh, my mom and I get along fine, it's not THAT, it's just, having it shoved in my face once again, the finality of the whole thing. And on top of that reminder, also just the feeling that I've taken on a second job I neither want nor am equipped for, but that must be done. It's just a lot. I have to call Vanguard some time this week and get a very small amount of money that was in an IRA he had with them transferred into my account with them somehow (my brother already did his half, I guess). It's just a lot, and I know it sounds ungrateful of me, and I am sure I will be glad of those bits and pieces of money, especially when I finally do retire, but....it's just a lot now and I would rather have no money and my dad back.

I'm also all broken out. I don't know if it's late-summer heat and humidity, or stress, or if I ate something that did it to me, or what. I'm going to try a mudpack in a bit to see if it helps any.

It's just... a lot.

I also ordered a new birdfeeder to be sent to my mom off of Amazon. My brother's dog went apescat on the original one (I think he must have smelled squirrel on it; he has a strong prey drive) and he destroyed the birdfeeder. At first my mom tried to put me off when I offered, saying she'd get out to Farm and Fleet "at some point" to replace it ("But I didn't plan on going out this soon...") but eventually said, yeah, go ahead and order it. (She offered to send me a check but I told her not to worry about it; it was literally $13).

I mean, yes: probably my brother should have at least offered to make the replacement but he tends not to....think....in situations like that. Whatever. It was nice to be able to do that for my mom and it made me feel a little less melancholy about all the paperwork stuff.

(And, self: All the important information and numbers you had to take down are in the little Sailor Moon notebook you have, just in case you forget where you have it)

I had ANOTHER dream last night about me being somewhere I didn't want to be, and calling my mom to come get me and, yeah, my subconscious is apparently as literal-minded as the rest of me is. I'm sure it's: I don't want to be "here" (in the sense of dealing with my dad's death), my mom is the person seemingly most equipped to try to make things "more right" but of course in the real world I can't call her to come get me (or even get myself up there). There's work to be done and stuff I have to do here and I have to suck it up and be the grown-up that I am but yeah.

It's too late to put "The Goonies" in (because I'd want to watch it all the way through, and I need to go to bed in about an hour) but I have Zootopia going (it's on one of the Disney channels) and while I'm not actively watching it, it's a more pleasant background thing than the news would be - or silence would be. (Confession: I put the television on often merely for background noise, so I can feel less alone in the house, and don't hear the various concerning creaks and snaps an old house makes).

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I had forgotten, I have Title VII training tomorrow; we all have to do this every year. So my afternoon's already spoken for, sigh. (And I have to remember to get the AAUW year books in for printing too). There's just a lot to remember, a lot of silly little things to do, and it makes me tired.

More-fun things, though:

- I did get the quilt top I finished back in May out to the quilt shop. They said it should be done in November or early December. (They also expressed their condolences when I mentioned it had been an eventful summer and why I hadn't been in). It will be nice to have this one done; it is a BIG quilt and will be good for the winter because it will fully cover the bed.

- I pulled out the "Hey Girl" sweater this afternoon and restarted it. It took me a bit to figure out where I was and how to pick back up (there is a simple texture pattern, and also the regular raglan increases to work in). Fortunately I kept good notes on it; I guess that's just what you have to do, in case you get interrupted and have to go off for a couple weeks and leave it.

- I ordered more sets of letters (From JoAnn's, so the same font) for my signboard; when they get here I will have enough Es to do the Ecclesiastes quotation I had wanted to do. And I ordered some compartmented boxes to store the letters in so I can easily find what I want when I wish to change out the sign. (I moved the Irish Blessing that I had up just inside my front door, and the signboard hangs in its place now, so it is the thing I see as soon as I come home, and right before I leave, so I plan on  doing a "thought for the week" sort of thing on it.)

- I cleared out the remaining issues of "Cooking Light" (which I never used) and disposed of them, so now all my cookbooks are fairly neatly arranged on the shelves I have for them. I also found a birdhouse that I never used (I cannot remember if it was a housewarming gift back in 2001, or if it was a gift from a student at one point....) and six nice fancy postcards of plants/flowers (reproductions of paintings/drawings from botanical books, not photos) my mom brought back for me when they went to London in 2004....that I put in frames and never got up on the walls and even though I have stuff on ALL THE WALLS now, I still have a space they could go, and I think I'll run out tomorrow and pick up some more smallish picture hangers (I was almost out of them, and was out of nails) and put them up; I feel the need to do so now. (My dad went with her on that trip; it may have been the last big trip they got to take together before his arthritis got so bad)

I really need to get back to proper cooking. I made picadillo today; I would like to make either baked lentils or Boston baked beans (the new Cook's Illustrated paperback I bought has a recipe that looks good) later this week. Maybe I cut the baked beans recipe in half; as I remember in the past it made an impossibly large amount for someone like me to eat up.

- In a few weeks a friend and I feed the college-kid ministry at church; I'm going to suggest loaded baked potatoes because I could run down there early and pop a lot of potatoes in the ovens (we have four ovens at church) and we could have bacon and cheese and chives and sour cream and I don't know what else to go on them, and maybe fruit salad and some kind of dessert. Most people like baked potatoes and it's simple if someone is vegetarian; they can just leave the bacon off. (And if they're vegan....well, we could have margarine and the chives, at least). And leftovers are easily dealt with.

- I started "Trojan Gold" (an Elizabeth Peters mystery/suspense novel) and wow, is it fun. It's JUST unrealistic enough to be diverting (though as yet, no one has been killed....). (And if anyone is, I hope it's not her boss Schmidt, who I have become extremely fond of in the first few chapters).