So you know

My father passed away while I was en route to Illinois. It's sad and hard but he had less than 24 hours of being really bad and in real misery. Apparently that happens some times; it was probably congestive heart failure that just crashed very fast.


the hospice nurse told me that when I told him I loved him over the phone, that not only did he hear and understand, he made an effort to say "I love you" back. I didn't hear it but I was pretty upset at that point and i'm choosing to believe the nurse.

This morning, my mom and I go to the funeral home to start making arrangements.

It's all so surreal. I keep expecting to hear him call from the other room.

One other thing: I had a quick, hard lesson on "how to make yourself only cry on the inside." When I got off the train, I noticed my mom had taken his wedding band and was wearing it on a chain around her neck. And that KILLED me because that was how I knew he was really gone. (I am glad it gives her comfort, though)

I will be back in maybe a week or ten days. THere is a lot to do here.