Monday, February 04, 2019

Two minor resentments

Though one is maybe more of a "huh":

1. I realized today that the way I am viewed by one subset of students has gone from "incompetent" (presumably: because female, teaching a class of largely men) in 2015 (the terrible class with the rude gigglers and note-passers) to "hypercompetent" (this year's class, two people expected I had the lab assignment they missed getting THAT I PUT UP ON BLACKBOARD THANK YOU VERY MUCH) and also that I could just handle everything in the minor chaos that is that class' lab.

And I wonder if this isn't the horns of a dilemma that a lot of women in science face: either we're seen as incompetent* and it's like people wonder how we got our jobs, or we're expected to be everyone's "mom friend" and take care of everything.

(*And yes, this may be my perception coloring things, but I'm not the only woman on this campus who has complained of this)

And while in some situations I'm happy to be the "mom friend" and all, and it is maybe a *little* flattering to feel like people recognize you know what you're doing....well, it gets freaking exhausting when eight different people are asking you something all at once, and two of them you KNOW don't know what's going on (by virtue of not having had the lab assignment before that very minute) and...yeah.

But I would like for once to have a happy medium and neither be talked down to/dismissed or expected to handle every darn be seen as, maybe just above-average competent? That would be nice.

(Doesn't help that I'm weirdly tired today. I don't know if it's allergies - I sneezed about fifteen times this morning despite the claim on Accuweather that allergens are "low", or whether I really didn't sleep well last night - I get too wound up over ANY medical thing, even just a blood draw, or if I have sugar-detoxed my body to the point where the sugar in your standard apple fritter is too much for me now...)

2. Another Individual, who had absented themselves from our shared lab space last summer when I was left to wrestle with the whole "super-secure chemical cabinet" thing ALL BY MYSELF and I had e-mailed this person and just said "I am moving all the chemicals from our shared cupboards into this, I am putting them in in alphabetical order, the acids will be in the acid cabinet" came in to lab this afternoon while I was helping students and complained that one of the chemicals was "missing" and "where is it" and all of that and they pretty much said "who hid my chemical?" and I was like "OSHA" and showed them the cabinet and reminded them that last summer I had been the only one around to do the reorganization of them, and it had all fallen on me.

And yes, I got to hear them complain about how Inconvenient it was. Tell it to the OSHA, man.

But yeah. I am crashing hard when I get home tonight. I am making a pizza (from-a-mix crust, canned sauce, cheese, so minimal work). And then I am going to sit and crochet those crazy squares (for the Color Bar Blanket) until it's time to go to bed. I hope I am not so tired tomorrow.

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