Not at work

Updates (if you care) at the very end...

Am hoping the first domino on the eventual process of having hot water again will drop this morning.

I just called the electrician. He told me to call him around 7:30 am, I called at 7:35. Had to leave a message. I am hoping this means the Wednesday morning Bible study he referred to being in just ran long and he will call me back soon but....if he doesn't, I'm going to plug a radio into the socket to be sure it works, then call the plumber, and tell him that there's a socket, it works, but the electrician never came out.

I just...I kind of took a shower last night by heating water in the stockpot and carrying it to the tub but it wasn't fun.

I have anxiety now and my stomach is kind of upset. I hate the phone, I hate having to call people and ask them to do stuff for me, even if they are going to get paid to do it. I hate to feel like I'm bugging people. I hate the nagging worry about how a, b, c, d, and e all have to happen perfectly and in the right order in order for me to get what I need.

Once again I marvel at the salespeople who cold-call people - most of whom are more resistant to being phoned up than a workman who wants to earn money - every day of their lives. They must be very different people from me because dealing with the phone when it's someone I don't know well kind of makes me want to throw up.

***

I dunno. Back in one of those cycles where everything feels chaotic. Many teachers aren't back to work yet and I'm wondering how many cancellations there will be for the Children's Play. I'm wondering how soon before some bright light in the legislature decides to cut higher ed appropriations again so that that money can be funneled to K-12. Some deranged person shot up the YouTube headquarters. The leader of this country is talking about how he'd like to see Amazon broken up, and the trade war with China is grinding to life. There are all kinds of weird rumors, weird things happening out there. I don't like chaos and it seems like the chaos agents have taken over.

I tell myself that objectively things are better than they once were, but it's hard, emotionally, to feel that, it feels like a lot of things are either falling apart or are just barely held together with duct tape and baling wire. And maybe the world always was thus, but until a few years ago it didn't feel that way.

(I think the budget cuts and furlough days and other stuff - the mass retirements, for example - of 2016 broke me more deeply than I realized and I'm still suffering after effects of it, like for example worrying that if I don't get a bunch of research done this summer I will get dinged on my next post-tenure review, and that will somehow be used to shoehorn me out and make them replace me with an adjunct and while I know that would never happen at the departmental level....enough weird and bad stuff has happened at higher levels to make me worry)

***
It's been a hard and bad semester. Right now the biggest logistic thing is that a stomach virus is burning its way through my classes, leading to lots of absences, which means me rescheduling exams (Which is DOUBLY HARD when you are trying to have workmen in) and other things. One guy showed up to my class sick and had to leave when he had to vomit and now I'm worried that the oogy stomach I have isn't just anxiety, that I caught what he's got and I'll be sick for the Science Fair and I cannot bail on that because I'm judging two things so I'll just have to do the equivalent of slapping some mud on it and soldiering on.

I've also had a lot of students in sports where their practice/game schedules are terrible and they have to miss a lot of things and this is where I get really frustrated with college athletics because leaving at noon on Monday to go to a game when you have labs scheduled that day.....

And I have several people who have missed random days because they either had work opportunities "too good to pass up" or their boss essentially told them "come in today or you're fired" and again, this is what is nudging me towards throwing up my hands and going FINE. WE PUT ALL OF UNIVERSITY ONLINE NOW SO STUDENTS CAN WORK AND THEN STUDY CLASS MATERIAL AT 2 AM and I just don't know. Everything is broken. This isn't the life I signed up for.

I like teaching but wow is it frustrating dealing with ten different conflicting schedules and people missing and having to make stuff up and I worry that the "she figures it's okay for people to skip for work" will lead to a future of "we only have to attend class if we really feel like it" and maybe....maybe I AM wasting my life and nothing I am doing has any good effect and oh man why was I even BORN and where did I make such a wrong choice and what else should I have done with my life?

I dunno. I really need some reassurance. I really need for this electrician to call. I really need just to be able to take a hot shower.

At least with living alone I don't have to hide in the shower to cry, because the sound of water covers up the sound of my crying. But I still really want to have hot water again.

**

Updated:

The first domino has fallen but that is a GOOD thing. The electrician called back, apologetic (apparently part of my message dropped out) but he was at the house by 8:30 and checked everything out.

He said, "I don't know why the plumber said I had to come, you have a perfectly good outlet here, and anyway, I couldn't put a new one in closer until the tankless heater is installed." He did check the existing outlet for me and said it tested good, and that the heater can plug into that until I can get him out (if I even want to, he seemed not to think it necessary) to install an outlet closer to it. He told me to get a 20 amp, three-prong, 6' appliance-grade extension cord just in case the one from the unit won't stretch. He also assured me that they draw VERY little power so the extension cord is a safe workaround.

HE DIDN'T CHARGE ME FOR THE HOUSE CALL.

I was gobsmacked when he said that - but, he noted, "We didn't really DO anything, and anyway, you're a college professor." (Apparently he has been following what goes on with education in this state.

Then again - that's a way to get me to call him again when I need something that he WILL get paid for, goodwill is sometimes a very good investment. (And yes. I probably will call him for putting in a new outlet. And, I still have a thought towards - if I ever save up the money - getting the part of the house that was NOT recently rewired, rewired, and have more GFCI plugs in the kitchen, for example. And maybe, if it could be done? Even an external plug so I could have outdoor Christmas lights).

He was a nice man. I'd say "grandfatherly," except I think he was a good bit younger than my dad. He talked to me a little bit about my teaching and asked about my piano and if I played. His assistant was much quieter but seemed like a decent person, too.

(I also wonder if the not-charging-me was part of his faith and ethics: he had mentioned a Wednesday morning Bible study class, and while some people who put a Jesus fish on their business cards don't really seem to take it to heart, others do....)

So I called the plumber. Had to wait for the office manager to call me back. They are ordering the new unit, he was on board with the temporary fix of the extension cord. I asked for an 8 am Monday appoint he told me "It WILL happen even if I have to drive out on Friday and pick up the new unit myself" (they have to special order these but I was told they could have it within 48 hours).

So I am hopeful. Barring some horrible thing, Monday evening I will have hot water again.

Of course, between now and then I need to muck out the guest room more so they can go up in the attic if needed, but at least much of the rest of the house is clean because I spent this morning stress-cleaning while waiting for it to be time to call the electrician and then waiting on him to call back. My kitchen is cleaner than it's been in months and this morning I cleaned up the living room and the dining room and the hallway and even did some stuff in the bath. (There's still a mound of spilled loose powder on the vanity, and the tub isn't that clean, but I can do that some other time)


But yeah. I feel MUCH better now than when I woke up.