Saturday, March 10, 2018

"so that happened"

I went down to church shortly after 11 am. (Lunch started at noon, but there were preparatory things to be done - someone had already set the tables and everything yesterday but there was the cooking and putting things into serving bowls. And also arranging things on trays for the reception afterward)

I think the busy-ness helped for me. I cried at a couple points during the service, but it was not more than a couple quickly blotted tears, so I did okay. (Knowing my friends were pulling for me helped)

I really only knew him for about 3 years - it seemed longer but apparently he did move back here in 2014 when he retired from working in Dallas (yes, he retired in his mid-50s; I guess he was pretty good in business)

The place was packed. Every pew full, chairs lined up in the aisles.

Lots of things, oh lots of things. I'll only share a few here.

1. Probably the only memorial service I will ever go to that had both the Ave Maria and show tunes as music.

2. The thing that "got" me was that they had hung his choir robe on a hanger and had it hanging up on a stand over in one corner of the church. Seeing that empty robe, knowing all the times I hugged him while he was wearing it was hard.

3. During the lunch, a woman who obviously knew me (I don't remember her name, certainly I don't know her well) was going around handing out little rainbow bracelets with "One Love" stamped on them - apparently this was something his family decided he would have wanted (or, maybe he did have plans in place). And she said to me, "Oh, he talked about how he hugged you every week and you were special to him." Though now that I've sat through the service, I think EVERYONE was special to him in some way. (Maybe the hug thing meant something to him because I really was NOT a hugger before he went to work on me - and yes, he was never pushy about it but somehow persuaded me to start doing it).

4. He had survived a bout of lymphoma some years back which is why I wonder if maybe he did have some plans in place. And at any rate: the service was, from what I know of him, just what he would have wanted: big and a little outrageous in places and with people from all the walks of life he was a part of speaking.

5. He knew lots of people. Some people I would never have guessed he would have had a connection with.

6. Several people commented on how sometimes his humor could be a little...I don't know the best word for it? Tart, maybe, as the most polite one. (Though he probably wouldn't have flinched at "catty"). The minister remarked that he could "tell you off, but you would laugh at the same time." Funny, he never used that on me. I am now wondering if maybe he realized I am kind of sensitive and that I wouldn't react well to it, and would maybe even be hurt. ("Nononononono, we can't prank Fluttershy, I mean, she's so sensitive. It'll hurt her feelings, even our most harmless prank.")

In fact, even though he apparently teased some people about their lack of fashion sense, he never said anything to me about it, even though I know more often than not I wind up a little frumpy, because, well, I just have a frumpy body type and sometimes I go for comfort rather than style. I do remember once or twice his commenting that a particular color looked good on me, or, when I started wearing bright lipstick more regularly, that it lit up my whole face. (Maybe he realized that positive reinforcement worked more with me)

7. The ONE time he did get me was at the Christmas party, when, in the persona of Santa Claus, he sidled up to me and asked me if I'd been a "naughty girl" and it caught me SO off guard that I blushed furiously, which make everyone laugh, which made me blush even harder. In the moments after it I was slightly irritated with him (I hate being the center of attention like that) but now....well, it's just kind of a funny memory and I forgave him for it a long time ago.

8. I was probably one of the more staid people he was friends with. Maybe, maybe I'm more okay with being a little staid now. Maybe it's just how I am and I shouldn't worry about changing it.  

The reception was still going on when I left, and I bet it goes on for a while longer, but I was just tired and peopled-out and I have a little bit of a I just begged off staying any later (hopefully there will be people who can stay to clean up)

I will say I have a sense of closure now and being able to go to the memorial service (and feed people before and after) makes a difference.

Anyway, yeah. I'm still unhappy that he's gone. I've accepted it but I'm still unhappy about it. 


I came home to find my March Doki Doki crate waiting for me, which was something I needed, so one of my plans for this evening is to open it.

Other plans include making chili out of the beef I bought last week (it's shrinkwrapped so has a long "good" date). 

And then I am going to try to go to bed early, because it's the stupid time change, and I know I will be stupid tired tomorrow even with extra sleep. 

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