Friday, March 09, 2018

a little request

If you're the praying (or even good-thought-sending) kind, could I (and the rest of the "church family" here) get some around 2 pm CST? That's the memorial service and based on how I feel tonight it's going to be monumentally hard.

I've dragged my feet on doing the cookies. The most complex ones (jam bars) are done, I just have to motivate myself to do a batch of brownies.

I have the added apprehension that all of the family that will be there (that we will be serving lunch to) are people I have never met in my life, and that does and another layer of concern. ("Will I say the right things? Will I remember people's names if I have to address them by name?")

I felt very, very anxious around 8 am today - it took most of the morning for it to wear off (that happens to me once in a very great while -  I feel as if I could crawl out of my skin and it's kind of unpleasant. If I'm at home I get into bed and wind up very tightly in a sheet or blanket and that helps, but I couldn't do anything in my office.  It wore off around noon and I was kind of exhausted the rest of the afternoon (I suppose it is an adrenaline thing, maybe - the sensation of anything like that is blunted on the beta-blocker, and when I checked my heart rate a couple times it was absolutely normal, but I felt very anxious).

It's rare, and I can't predict when it happens, so the thought of getting an rx and trying to dial in the dosage and all that is unappealing - I'd rather just white-knuckle this when it happens every 8 months or so. (And in this case I'm pretty sure it's situational)

But anyway. Knowing my "friends who live in my computer" are pulling for me will help.

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