And trying again

This is the continuation of the earlier post, because I started having problems with Blogger defaulting to italics that then became non-removable.

Anyway: I think part of the upset is that it's been an upsetting week, topped by the fact that there's a lot of pollen (and mold) in the air: I am terrifically hived up (one foot swelled last night from the hives. Putting hydrocortisone on it helped, but still)

Anyway.

I teach only one class today, and for a change, I don't have to come back OR work after lunch. So my plan is to clean up my horrible house (it has gotten bad, and I've done things like knock over stacks of books and not bother to pick them up because I'm tired/frustrated/angry at the world. And yes, I have stacks of books on my bedroom floor. I have too many books but meh, not in the mood to get rid of any right now). Part of it is I suspect some of my distress is traceable to the house being a mess (I worry when it is, I worry: what if I am suddenly taken ill and someone has to come over to help me. Or I worry: what if someone says they're just running over for a minute to see me?)

(And also: the house I live in belonged to, for a short while, Steve's mother, and I think it's not out of the realm of possibilities that if his brother lived here while she owned it, he might want to pop in just to see what the place looks like now. Well, the house will be clean, but I'm not putting away my My Little Pony collection on the vague chance someone might want to see the house. I'm starting to get to the point of going "people can just deal with my eccentricities" rather than trying to hide them. But still: I don't want there to be dust on the floor or mail scattered around.)

Anyway. Cleaning house will make me feel better - getting some of the junk out, getting stuff put away, getting the floors dust-mopped, washing the tub, washing the tiled floors. Maybe even dust-mopping (now that I have a proper dry mop) the walls and ceiling to get rid of any dust. And doing the pile of laundry that is getting to be close to my height. (I don't know how that happens. I do laundry every week, and yes, I do wear a lot of clothes, but it's still shocking how much accumulates)

And then, tomorrow: tomorrow is Whitesboro. I know for sure I need to find a worsted-weight green that is not-unlike the green of a TV test pattern (link is for any younguns who may never have seen one) and also white so I can go back to working on the "test pattern blanket" (All the medium-blue and magenta squares are done; I still have red, yellow, green, gray, dark blue, most of the cyan, white, and black to do.) If worse comes to worse, I can default to the JoAnn fabrics for the worsted weight yarn: I know Quixotic Fibers mostly specializes in sock-weight, but they do carry SOME worsted. (I will have to make a note of yardage required so I neither buy way too much nor too little)

I also just think I'm going to buy sock yarn that appeals to me. Yes, I have a lot already, but also: the price of yarn is going up and perhaps this summer I do a 'stash blowout' where I try to use up (or trade, or give away) some of the stuff in my stash. And anyway: for me, buying yarn feels like a promise to myself (even if it's one I all too often break): that I will take the time to make something from it. (And usually, eventually, I do: the Augusta Cardigan I am working on now as an invigilating project is yarn I bought maybe as much as 8 years ago).

(It's also possible there's some magical thinking going on: the idea of "I will live long enough to use up my stash" though I suspect I surpassed that possibility - and I come from pretty long-lived stock, at least among the non-smokers - a while back)

And there's a quilt shop in Whitesboro. I mmmmmight not buy much, having lots of prints ahead (and having a couple projects in mind) but I could at least get a big piece of some kind of solid color for sashing. And I could look for patterns. And I might need more hand-quilting needles; I need to get back to working on "Knickerbocker Glory" but I bent the needle I was using...

But yeah, I need a day out. I need a day to just go and have fun, to try to forget all the sad things I've dealt with for a little while.

(I really think - and I said this through tears Sunday morning, making announcements: "Steve would want us to be happy." I don't think he'd want people to be prolongedly mournful, but rather to go out, have fun, be happy, be kind to other people, hug people, enjoy life, help others, all of that....)

Just being out of town helps - I think the 9th of February was the last day I got out of town.

Sunday after church is going to be relaxation. Maybe knit on the cardigan, maybe knit on the owl sweater, maybe make afghan squares, maybe try to finish a bit more of the birb quilt - whatever I feel like.  Next week is a marginally easier week because it's mid-level assessment, so no Wednesday morning classes (though I am doing a lab in the afternoon) and no intro lab (some of their labs meet Wednesday and it's not good to get off schedule between two days). AND no evening meetings. So my hopes are: clean house, evening relaxation time, maybe I make some good progress on stuff. I told the young woman at Lulu and Hazel's that "Soon I hope to have another top to bring in for you to quilt" and she seemed excited for that, so that's something I want to make happen. (It will be the "birb" quilt.)