Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Tuesday morning things

* It is known that Tuesdays are ninja Mondays - they strike when you do not expect them. (I am hoping for an uneventful Tuesday)

* The weather though is worrisome. We are predicted to get freezing rain starting around 3 pm. I am still debating coming back to campus after lunch. I DO need to go to Mart of Wal (and yes, if I do not return, please avenge my death) for a couple of things and I am afraid everyone will be in full panic mode, even though this adverse event may last for a day and a half. (No, I cannot wait until after it is over because of my long work hours; it is probably preferable to go at 1 pm today than 3:30 or 4 pm any other day)

I've scrubbed the car work for today; that will be for Friday afternoon now.

* Did a couple more rounds of Great Horn-Rimmed last night. It moves slowly but there is something satisfying in working on it. No, I don't think I'll do lots more colorwork things (though I do have the yarn for that one vest from Folk Vests and will probably tackle that at some point, if the various greeblies that have infested my house over the years haven't munched up the yarn - then again, it is stored away in a closed container)

* The lower half of my body (hips, knees, ankles, mostly) is sore. I am HOPING this is from having been cold yesterday and not a sign that I'm getting sick. (Norovirus is making the rounds again. I had it maybe 12 years ago so I am guessing my immunity has worn off. I do not want to have it again.)

I also can tell my hips are unhappy from the 8 hours or so in the car Saturday. I guess if I ever do long-distance driving anywhere in the future, I will have to plan stops (finding a safe place, for one thing) and get out of the car and walk around for 15 minutes every couple hours.

It's also possible the auditorium seats were not the best. I know I felt slightly fat-shamed by them - I JUST fit. And I don't think my hips are UNUSUALLY wide (like, 43" diameter, I wear a standard size 16 jeans, sometimes even a 14 in more loosely cut things). I guess the auditorium was build years back when people were smaller? (And I was wondering what a truly large person would do - you'd have to sit on the very edge of the seat, I guess.

* Trying not to feel slightly sad and resentful that I haven't received a card in the latest round of the online card swap I do. I know I don't really participate for that, I do it to be able to send out cards, but....yeah. (And I also know: people have been sick, some people have busy lives, and the like). But it would be nice to get one and I have decided not to sign up again until I get one from this round. (You can sign up again as soon as you send out YOUR card, and the card I sent for this round arrived at its destination like a week ago).

And also feeling a little sad about my approaching birthday. For several reasons - it's a busy month and it will technically be NEXT month (if then) before I can get out for my traditional do-something-fun Saturday birthday-delayed celebration. (The Saturday before is entirely taken up - 7 am to 6 pm - with the Science Olympiad. And the week before will probably be "writing the exams for the Science Olympiad" or "getting ahead on work stuff so you can give a whole day to the Science Olympiad")

My mom asked me what I wanted as a gift and I can't think of anything I want to ask them for. I thought maybe one of those "copper" nonstick pans (they have one, I used it over Christmas break and liked it) but I don't know. That's not a "fun" gift. Maybe that's a secret of adulthood: you're really an adult when you stop wanting "fun" gifts, I don't know.

And I don't really NEED another frypan, so....I don't know. I already have a slow cooker, too.

It's also hard doing birthdays and junk when you're alone. If you're coupled. ideally your partner will AT LEAST get you a card; if you have kids, especially kids like I was when I was a kid, you will get a lopsided homemade cake (and a kitchen to clean up afterwards). But when you're going it solo....yeah, no.

It's kind of like a lot of holidays (including another big one this month....): societal pressure says you're supposed to have fun and be with people and do lots of big celebration, and in fact there are jokes about what a "loser" you must be if you celebrate your birthday alone and I don't know. Part of me says I shouldn't care because there is no one nearby me who would want to go to a yarn shop and a quilt shop with me on my birthday. But another part of me was always that kid on the outside looking in, and terrified of appearing a "loser" (even if she kind of suspected she was), that the whole thing does hurt a little.

I don't even KNOW what I'd want, to be honest. Not a big surprise party, definitely not one of those stupid uncomfortable "over the hill" parties (even though I will be 49). But sometimes I do wish my life was a little less.....different from what is "typical."

I think that's also part of my malaise about summer: the societal template is so much "this is the best time of your life, this is when you have fun. Beaches! Parties! Romances! Skimpy clothes!" and almost none of that is me, and I don't know how to fit my life into the "summer" model. (Again: probably a legacy of a kid who was desperate to fit in and didn't know how, and lacked the fortitude to be open and OK about not fitting in.)

1 comment:

Roger Owen Green said...

I'm sure solo birthdays are tough. I have had a hearts (card game) party every year, except one, for close to a decade.