Friday, October 06, 2017

I am done

I am feeling a bit less anxious, and have plans (If I ever get home today) to wash some sheets and put fresh sheets on my bed, in the hopes of sleeping better tonight. But I'm still tired and sad and this bad old world is just too much....

Had two more people dump on me via e-mail. One, because I wasn't in my office for the exact half-hour window they thought I should have been (it was the lunch hour, and I didn't have office hours). The other is blaming me for something that is not my fault.

I dunno. I guess this was "dump on Erica" week. (Even beyond all the horrors of the outside world, there was enough unpleasantness in my little circle to suit me.) I don't like being dumped on, and I have few people (outside of the readers of this blog, and I am heartily sorry for doing this to you) to dump on.

I do wish I had some kind of nearby significant other who could, after weeks like this, tell me that I'm a "poor baby" (with a LITTLE irony, because I think it calls for that) and maybe fix a decent dinner for me since I don't really have the energy to do so for myself....also to kick me in the butt a little when I either get too Eeyore about things, or to remind me not to faff on the internet and then complain about not getting work done.

And yeah. Nearly 4 pm on a Friday and I'm still here:

I'm trying to help rewrite a paper on which I am a co-author. This needs to be done by Monday but I am SO uninspired to do it. I also found out today that the "Land Use" presentation I thought I had prepared....doesn't exist. I have the notes for it but I guess I never actually made up the lecture. So I'm going off-script (off syllabus order) and doing RCRA and CERCLA before that, and will scramble next week to put together "Land Use" and do that after. I don't know.

And my house is an ungodly mess, and I have a mound of laundry nearly as tall as I am....

I'm just tired. And I feel once again like I've been plugging away for....what? For more aggrieved e-mails from people? More work? More laundry?

The house at which my meeting last night was is SO much nicer than my house. Bigger, more open, nicer newer furniture. I mean, I kinda like some of my furniture but compared to the real grown-ups in town, my house is not very presentable at all. (Which is okay, I guess, because these days it's also too messy to let people in to).

I'm not as "together" as a real grown-up, but I'm not as happy as the people who seem like "just overgrown children," and it often feels like I am doing things wrong.

I got my flu shot this afternoon and either the pharmacist hit me in the wrong place (hit a small nerve) or this is just a worse shot because I can feel a little ache going down the side of my arm now.

And yeah: I don't think I have ANY time to go to Sherman for groceries this week so it's another week of catch as catch can from what the local places might have. (And next week I can't, either: setting up research.)

Ugh. And my Doki Doki box didn't come today, just bills and junk mail.

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