Friday, October 06, 2017

Friday morning ugh

I don't know what's up with me, whether it's some neurotransmitter gate stuck on "open" (or "closed"), or unpredictable perimenopause hormones, or allergies causing weird symptoms, or what, but I'm super-anxious this morning.

I do not like feeling this way. I know it does not last and I can tough it out, but I do not like feeling this way.

Part of it may have been having several meetings yesterday. One of which features a person who tends to rub me the wrong way a bit partly because of the tone of voice they always use, and partly because of their eternal unwillingness to admit they were mistaken or even back down on the mistaken thing they are voicing. And then late last night (Well, "late" for me - not quite 9 pm), I had to drive home from the last meeting of the day. And yesterday was both the local high school and the university's homecoming parades, and while I thought I was safe (because I was well north of Main Street, where they took place), I did not bank on them ending, and all the spectators returning home at the same time I was trying to return home. So I met up with tired/over-excited/impatient/maybe overserved?/just plain bad drivers, with the added difficulty level that it was after dark, and I do not see that well in the dark to begin with. LOTS of people with high-beams who don't understand the courtesy of switching to low-beams when you meet an oncoming driver. So I was jangled when I got home.

I tried to calm down to sleep but it took a while. And I had bad dreams all night long - dreams about losing loved ones, dreams where I was in some kind of danger, dreams where I was facing a scary medical procedure. After nights like that I feel like I haven't slept at all.

I got up and exercised; didn't seem to help. After working out I even got back into bed for about 10 minutes. And I didn't want to get back out - lying down eased the feeling of uneasiness, somehow (which is why I wonder if it's not partly asthma/allergies) and especially wrapping up in the sheet helped. Part of my brain was going "I don't want to get back up" but the more dutiful part was going, "You can't take a sick day and anyway you have things to do" and that part eventually won out. But I would like to be wrapped up tightly in something. (I am wearing a shawl over my dress; I feel a little cold, too, which also makes me wonder if it's either allergies or hormones doing this).

But yeah. The "want to crawl out of my skin" feeling is not good. No, I don't have any anti-anxiety medications; this thing never lasts long enough for me to be troubled to go to the doctor and especially fight with the dosage-dialing-in process that it takes (and the maybe-not-being-able-to-drive-until-the-right-dosage-is-found, and the dealing-with-potential-side-effects). Usually exercise helps, it just didn't today.

It's just, I have a lot to do today and feeling like this makes it harder.

1 comment:

anita said...

I think a lot of it may be just free-floating anxiety/stress caused by all the bad news lately. I've had some sort of low-grade stomach bug-thing for the past couple of weeks—not quite nausea, nothing sets well, I just feel lousy, and there's the horrible fatigue episodes caused by my heart meds. Finally saw the doctor yesterday, only to be told, "I have no idea what's wrong with you. We'll run some labs . . . "

This is just Not A Good Time. I'm sympathetic, but I don't know what to do either. If I could, I'd just hole up in the house and read and knit . . . but I have to go help Mom clean out their refrigerator today. It needs it desperately and she's too distracted lately to do it.