Saturday, July 15, 2017

Proving to myself

Taking a webcam photo even though I'm not at my best (hivey eye, little make up on):

Yeah, no, I'm not invisible after all.

But I feel it. Decided to to to Mart of Wal this morning, seeing as I didn't have enough need for groceries to justify a trip to Sherman.

First up: apparently there's a fun-run today; my street was blocked off (at 7 am!) already so I had to detour. (Curse the detours in this town. You can't JUST get anywhere right now, between the construction and streets being set aside for other things).

And then, as I was leaving the Mart of Wal: a woman, standing, with her FULL CART RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EXIT DOOR while she chatted with other people. One person with just a bag squeezed past her but I had got a couple half-gallons of milk and didn't feel like wrestling the four slightly-teary plastic bags out to the car without benefit of cart - at the very worst, my cartons of milk would fall out and burst on the pavement. Well, she didn't see me, didn't move.

I said, "Excuse me." In a fairly normal conversational voice.

She kept talking. I KNOW she wasn't Deaf because she was speaking to the other people and no one was using ASL.

I said "Excuse me" slightly louder. She didn't move.

So, finally, I just pulled her cart back out of the space in the door and moved past. She STILL didn't notice.

There's a mental illness called Cottard's Delusion where a person believes themselves to be dead. I occasionally have flashes of a delusion that maybe I'm invisible. (I'm 5'7" and nearly 200 lbs. so it's not that I'm so small people don't see me).

But yeah, between feeling lonely because no one is around, and it being hot and miserable, I did NOT need to feel like I don't exist in the wal-mart.


I have to practice piano, and write my Sunday school lesson, and go water the research plots. I don't want to do any of those things. I guess I just pick one and do it first, and then do the others after it.

1 comment:

CGHill said...

If you had been invisible, she still should have seen your cart.

This tells me that the problem couldn't have been something about you, but a deficiency in her perception: she sees nothing but the current object of her attention, and she can't be turned away from it.

(I've been overthinking this subject for more years than I should admit.)