Monday, March 27, 2017

And Monday morning

I had a rough night of it after the storms - was too keyed up from rushing around making my "safe space*" safe, too keyed up from worrying about the sirens, and I didn't sleep well. I went to bed around 10 but I know for a fact I was still awake at midnight, and I woke up shortly after 5 am.

(*"safe spaces" means something v. different in tornado country. And if I were having a house built brand-new from scratch? I'd have one of those reinforced safe rooms put in, right in the middle of the house. And I'd keep an old sturdy pair of shoes, and a change of clothes, and a battery radio, and a couple flashlights in there. And maybe photocopies of all my important documents. Would save on racing around to gather stuff up every emergency. Oh, and bottled water, too.)

We got what sounded like maybe pinpoint hail, but nothing worse, later on.

Tuesday into Wednesday is going to be another round. Not gonna lie; I won't be heartbroken if I have to cancel the field lab. This is going to be an unpleasantly busy week otherwise.

Today, it's faculty meeting to decide on the departmental scholarships, which will probably be long (though I have to leave at 1 pm: lab). Then at 3:30 is the AAUW meeting to decide on THOSE scholarships, immediately followed by an emergency meeting to deal with some required changes to the by-laws. (The changes, federally, to what constitutes being tax-exempt and how you keep that status has caused us a great deal of woe. The biggest thing? We are going to no longer be permitted to offer a "we pay half your dues in return for you helping out with the play" thing, because that's not enough "work." I predict we lose several members, which means the rest of us get stuck doing more...I think I will still get half my dues paid because I'm recording secretary (therefore: donating time and effort every month) and I keep up the yearbook and am head of the scholarship committee.)

Tomorrow is a normal day (whatever a normal day looks like now; or at least there's nothing different happening at this point). Same for Wednesday EXCEPT I have to arrange to get the food for the AAUW meeting and dip for the chips and dip I'm supposed to bring down to church...

Thursday is Curriculum Contest, which means I cancel my 11 am class, because the room we use is Needed and I can't be bothered to find an alternative room. And also - noon or so is the "family time" for the former-congregant's son, and I really want to get down to church to get to see her. This is what I have to bring chips and dip for. (I got the chips at my Saturday wal-mart run, but I figured Braum's probably has better dip, so I'll get that right before....). And Thursday evening is AAUW.

And Friday is the state Science Fair. I've already arranged for that: gave my one class something to work on in my absence (cancelling classes for some kind of service or research thing without providing some kind of alternative is frowned upon, but I can't complain too much: some universities they expect you to get someone to sub for you! I would kind of resent having to do lots of subbing for colleagues....)

I think this weekend I am calling "Time Out" (I have nothing exceptionally pressing) and taking the weekend off. I do have two exams next week but maybe I can write them during in-between times this week, I don't know. Or even at that: sitting at home writing an exam is different than crunching numbers  at my desk. (I can watch Ponies while I write exams....)


I can feel that today is going to be a bit of a challenge.

Earlier, I was trying to comfort someone online (facing the loss of a loved one) and it brought up my cousin's death last fall and I admit I cried a little over it again. I suppose grief is something you're never really done with - it's not like a healed wound, it's more like a scar, where most of the time you don't really think about it, but then something bumps that scar and it hurts all over again.

And one thing I've found: every new loss tends to bring up old ones. (I'm still not totally done mourning the grandmother who died more than 20 years ago).


today would be an excellent day for my Doki Doki box for April to come, but it's probably not time yet. (And it is still March).

It's funny, people talk about how fast the year seems to be moving, but for me it feels like every month so far has been interminable....January was forever, February was kind of like winter in Narnia only with my birthday instead of Christmas ("It's always February but never my birthday yet"). March has felt forever-long and especially Lent has felt forever-long. I used the Lent loophole yesterday ("Sundays don't count; every Sunday is a small feast) and I had a piece of "sopapilla cheesecake" at the church lunch yesterday. It was good and I probably needed it, and one thing that's shocked me about this Lenten thing is, as it wears on, realizing how much I depended on the small treat of a cookie or a bit of cake at the end of the day or as an enticement to get me to eat all the vegetables I'm supposed to eat.

(And it's what? Three weeks still until Easter?)

(And I'm gonna confess: if I had someone in my life who loved me very, very much? What would fill me with joy Easter morning would be an Easter basket - not one filled with candy, but one with a few small toys, like blindbag type toys or maybe one of those Equestria Girls Minis I don't have, or maybe a few knitting nick-nacks (stitch markers or a new retractable measuring tape, or something). Easter baskets were a big thing in my family when my brother and I were kids....and it's one of those things I kind of miss as an adult. Oh, I could buy myself a bunch of stuff for Easter but it's not the same so I probably won't do it (instead I will bake some kind of a small cake for myself, maybe a lemon pound cake). But if I had someone in my life that I loved, I'd probably make an Easter basket for them, unless they were the sort of person who'd be weird about it and not seem to want to accept it...)

Part of my distress is allergies yet again. I mowed the lawn for the first time this year yesterday (it seems awfully early, but the weeds, especially bedstraw, were up a lot). I also hauled out the weed whacker and tried to cut down alllllll the bedstraw that had invaded the uneven ground at the back of my backyard (where I can't mow, because of all the "stumps" of privet and stuff that I can't see). I normally wouldn't bother, but I worry that the city is going to be looking extra hard at me because (a) they caught me last fall for brush and (b) they know I hop to it and comply - and I kind of wonder now if people who try to follow the rules are the ones the rules-enforcers go after the most, kind of like the old gag about the guy who is pulled over for going 80 mph on an interstate while people are blowing by him at 90 and 95, and he asks the cop why, and the cop responds, "You? I could catch you."

So yeah, my eyes feel kind of puffy and awful right now. I couldn't quickly find a face mask so I didn't wear one. (I did wear eye protection while using the weed whacker; I worry about a stone or a stick being kicked up by it.)

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