Friday, February 24, 2017

oh, cuss word

So I was nearly out of the anti-hive medication I take. And I had called in the refill. So I went out to get it. I was kind of brooding, seeing as I was still thinking about the "marginally proficient" and also worried about not being able to find my receipt from my property tax (fear not: I know I paid it, I had the receipt, just can't find it) for my federal taxes.

and it was hazy, and it was that terrible Fourth-and-Plum intersection where you can't see totally clearly, and I was brooding....and I didn't see the other driver (who had the right of way). I saw her as she swerved, and I heard the crunch and....dammit.

I stopped, then pulled to a safe spot and got out. I was already crying. She got out and asked if I was okay. I said I was and then said I was sorry and I would get my information to give to her.

She said no. She said there was already a dent on her rear door and I hit where the existing dent was and it caused no further damage and she didn't need my information.

I asked again and she said no again. She said it was fine and as long as I wasn't hurt she was okay with it (it was clearly my fault). Neither of us was hurt, so

I asked again. She said no a third time. So okay then? I hope I didn't just commit some kind of felony, I don't know.

My car is kind of banged up - the bumper is rubbed and the glass over the headlight is broken but the headlight still works. (The blinker on the front passenger side doesn't, though). I checked carefully as I was driving and the alignment and all seems fine.

I called my dad and asked him, expecting him to say, "No, cancel your trip tomorrow" but he said I was probably safe to go, and if a cop asked me about it I could just tell him it just happened the previous evening and I hadn't had time to get it fixed yet (and yes, that's true: the repair place closes at 5 on Fridays, and they don't have Saturday hours.)

And anyway, I've seen people driving cars in far worse shape.

Still, I'm mad at myself for doing it, and mad that it's going to be several hundred dollars to fix (at least). And I know, maybe an autoparts place sells the assemblies, I don't know, but I know I'm not handy enough to replace it myself. (And yes, it will have to be the entire assembly, the glass is cracked).

But yeah. Not what I wanted to happen.

But I admit, my first thought was "Oh no, now it's not safe to go tomorrow" and then my second thought, immediately after that, was "You don't DESERVE to go tomorrow because you're a screwup and you're better off putting the money you would spend on yarn towards the headlight replacement." And yeah, still kind of beating myself up over the service thing, even as many people have reminded me the whole thing is a stupid game designed to mess with the lizard parts of our brains and that I shouldn't tie my self-worth to ticky boxes on a bureaucratic form. (But the problem is: I've been in education for so long it's hard for me NOT to)

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