Friday, January 13, 2017

it's finally in

I completed the packet this morning, stuck in the page dividers (I got ones with colorful tabs instead of plain tabs because I am me).

I WAS feeling really good about it - it was done, it was ready to go, I have no individual rank below "commendable" anywhere (and my overall ranks are generally "outstanding").

But then, the secretary said, "Here, let me make you an adhesive label with your name" and when I was trying to stick it on, the packet hit the floor, the ring-binders opened, stuff fell out.

I tend to take things as omens that shouldn't be so that stressed me out slightly. Also now a few pages are slightly rumpled but then again I tend to be slightly rumpled so maybe it's fitting that my ptr packet is.

(I am telling myself: this is NOT a bad omen of any kind, rather, it is on the order of "when the dress rehearsal is a mess, the opening night is good" type superstition)

At least it's done and I won't have to think about it again until I get the evaluation/development letter in a month or more. (My big fears about this center around: what if I have had a total blind spot about something I should be doing but am not, and I need to change how I do EVERYTHING. The good evaluations were from my chair alone but other members of my department will be seeing this packet and the feeling of opening up my life for others to judge and criticize bothers me)

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