Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Twitching like Lom.

(You've heard of "Moves like Jagger"? Well, my reality right now is "I've got eyelid twitches like Herbert Lom's character in the old Pink Panther movies.")

Stuff is just hitting the fan right here right now. Part of it is midsemester. Part of it is that I have a critical mass of students who kind of want me to do emotional labor for them and I'm sort of out of energy. Part of it is I've just taken on too many things right now. (I have to finish the talk on prairies I am giving to the Wildlife Club next week, and I have a ton of exams to grade....sometime, I don't know when).

You know it's bad when you look at the 10% chance of storms and pray we actually get one in time to cancel afternoon field lab.

I am telling myself two things:

First, my dad's old mantra of "Keep settin' 'em up and knockin' 'em down" in terms of getting work done, and second, "The only way out is through" in terms of the interpersonal dealings. (I have one student right now that I will be OH SO HAPPY when they graduate. Not so much because they're spreading their wings and going to get a job, but because I won't have to deal with them any more. And that's sad. I'm turning into a grumpy misanthrope).

I'm trying to work on the mitts for my mom but I'm not getting a whole lot done.

I really think what I do need is a day without obligations to work or volunteer-stuff, but I don't see that coming soon.

A while back Adam Savage (formerly of Mythbusters) was talking on Twitter about going to a comic-con dressed as Totoro (it's one of his things, to make an elaborate costume and have a prize for the person who guesses it's him). He said people would randomly come up and hug him because Totoro. And granted, that's technically not good con behavior (lots of people with different issues, from autism to extreme shyness to PTSD, go to cons, and being approached by a stranger, even in a friendly way, can seem threatening to some), I admit I read the tweets and thought a little bitterly how I should maybe dress up as Totoro so I'd get some positive attention. I'm feeling it again this week despite last week being mid-fall break because oh there are so many people NEEDING me for things - either to do things, or to alter my schedule to accommodate them, or to help them, whatever. And being needed isn't the positive attention I need right now.

No, really. I just want to be some kind of inarticulate fluffy thing for a while that people want to hug and take their picture next to, and I don't have to make much of an investment in the interaction. I'm just worn out.

I also commented recently on Twitter that it was probably a tactical mistake to position myself as the "tough, independent" one because I don't know how to try to get help when I need it, or, it seems like people seem to think I can manage. (And I probably can, it's just, it would be easier to manage with a little help or a little sympathy right now)

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