Friday, August 26, 2016

"please understand me"

I find the personality-descriptor things pretty fascinating. I know I'm an introvert (though I am one of the can-talk-to-people introverts, and even one of the "I want to talk to people, at least some times" introverts). And I'm also definitely Guess Culture even though I know some people think that's a super passive-aggressive way to be it really is not and I could go into an exhaustive explanation to you as to why it isn't.....

but here's a new one: Rounds vs. Pointies. NB to my gentle readers: some strong four letter words in there, in my summary/commentary I will be more euphemistic.

The writer describes it (well, I'm paraphrasing a bit): Rounds are self-contained. They don't care too much about what other people think. Pointies care deeply and passionately what other people think, perhaps to the point of it not being good for them and maybe annoying their friends a little.

Pointies are not good with "uncomfortable silences"

Rounds can go to a party and have fun, pointies worry on the way home about what other people thought of them or about the guy throwing up over in the corner.

Pointies are not good at being "in the moment." (I assume this means Pointies don't do "mindfulness," something I so cannot do). Pointies often wish they were rounder and Rounds are amused by that because they don't think that way.

I am definitely a Pointy. Pointies are easily embarrassed. I blush less than I did when I was younger but if I walk in a room and a couple people are talking and then immediately shut up, or if I walk in and someone starts giggling I immediately start to check myself to be sure there isn't a strap hanging out somewhere or that my skirt isn't all rucked up in the back or that there isn't tp stuck to my shoe, or or or....

The author lists a lot of famous people that I mostly don't know enough about to really say for sure if they're Round or Pointy and anyway to be honest I was so blown away by the "hey this is another way to understand what is going on in my head" that I didn't pay too much attention. But yeah. Super-pointy. And I'm sure my periodic whining about how I wish I were more "fun" and were less uptight about things like deadlines and what impression I leave on people is evidence of that.

And I know I can be exhausting to be around when my pointiness is in full overdrive - I tweet too much, I blog too much, because trying to get the words out of my head usually shuts them up for a little bit. And I am sure I can be exhausting to be around in person though ironically in person I am quieter because sometimes I get tongue-tied easily, or I feel like more forceful/louder/more popular people just talk over me.

(I'm also laughing because Steven Universe - I haven't watched it recently but from my early impressions of the early episodes, Amethyst was DEFINITELY a round - totally chill with everything - whereas Pearl is completely pointy. They're even DRAWN that way!)

I spotted the link to this whole thing over on Metafilter but didn't read the comments (GENERALLY MeFi comments are a bit more helpful than the typical online site comments). Someone said this:

"How can I know if I am round or pointy without a quiz?

if you need a quiz you're a pointy

that's the quiz"

I am laughing my fool head off because when I read the original article, I was all, "Wait, where's the quiz that will Sort me? How do I know for SURE I'm a Pointy?" I guess that comment answers it.

(Also someone else suggested "Bert or Ernie" and I know I'm totally a Bert, even down to liking oatmeal and thinking that collecting paper clips might be fun. And someone else suggested "kitty or puppy" (which seems a little nicer than "pointy or round") and I know I'm a kitty....)

Also, from something I said on Twitter, this is sort of a bit of an explanation of who I am, and I think it fits:

Me at my birthday party
A friend hands me a wrapped package.
I open it up.
There is a slip of paper in it that says "Your existence is validated, now and forever"
I start sobbing, and say "It's the thing I wanted most IN THE WHOLE WORLD."

(Really, that's probably behind a lot of my talking-too-much stuff: a need for feeling validated. That's one thing that's hard about living alone and not having friends I see daily; some days I don't feel like I get a lot of validation and I vacillate between being "You jellyfish, you need to grow a spine and learn to live without being told that you're good at whatever; most adults live that way" and "I wish I had someone  to prop ME up; I spend an awful lot of time propping others up....")

I used to be better at being self-contained. I don't know if it's age or living alone for so long or some kind of mind-poison from being on the internet too much but I've lost some of that ability over the years. And I wish I could get it back.

I also wonder if "Pointiness" and anxiety can be related; I know in some ways I am more anxious now than when I was younger - largely because I've been more battered by life and more cognizant of the fact that if you don't take care of stuff, no one is going to take care of that stuff for you, so I wind up doing stuff like, for example, if I have a hotel reservation somewhere, I bring a printout of the reservation and the confirmation number and an extra credit card in case the one I put the reservation on was declined and everything...I never want to be in the situation of being in a strange town overnight and be told, "No, we do not have a reservation for you, we are sorry." Granted, I think MOST hotels (at least, most decent chain ones) would do something to accommodate a person but that's like one of my big fears, being totally 'abandoned' somewhere and not having a place to stay or a way to eat or a way to get home or I tend to over plan and over prepare. (Again, that may be a side effect of being a long-term single; I suspect I'd be more chill if I had a husband who was a responsible person AND ALSO in some cases people seem more willing to listen to a man saying something like "Your loss of our room reservation is unacceptable" than they are to a woman saying it - sad but true, even in 2016.)

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