Looking for better

And yeah, I get that some of those things (and some of the other things making me sad) also have their good sides.

One big one: I feel kind of lonely and at loose ends because many of my colleagues are not around. But that is because I *genuinely like* my colleagues and enjoy talking to them when they are around, so I miss it when they're off doing the things people who don't teach summers do. It would be much worse if I were like, "oh thank goodness, it's such a relief not to have my colleagues around for the summer"

And also: my breathing is better, I think the monteleukast kicked in for the day. Which tells me that even though my hives have been less* I still need to take it.

(*This is because I quit taking a medication - NOT the blood pressure one, another one, one I had taken for years for some - uh - female issues, and which I suspected was contributing to the monthly stomach problems. With my gyn's blessing, I quit taking it in May, and have discovered (a) the stomach issues are far less and (b) the hives seem to be fewer and are much more 'traceable,' as in "Oh, I went out and worked in the garden and now I have hives on my wrists" and less "OMB, WHY DO I HAVE HIVES I WAS INDOORS ALL DAY YESTERDAY."

That said: I do still also have to avoid Red 40, learned that the hard way when I bought a "snack cake" that I didn't realize had it in until I got some stomach cramps and went and looked at the wrapper)

In fact, I am back to pretty much eating normally. (The downside? I think I regained the several pounds I lost during the ongoing bouts of stomach upset - my weight was the lowest it's been in about 10 years at the gyn appointment. Then again, that puts another worry that cropped up to rest: 'what if that weight loss means you have cancer?' though I think I'd be a lot sicker if I did and see more than just a 5-pound drop in weight)

And my annoyance at some people (not you, Purlewe) retweeting stuff, or just the general "life philosophy summed up as a bumper sticker" things - well, that's a side effect of freedom of speech and if we were in a super repressive society where the Internet were turned off (and please God, let no one consider that a *good* idea to prevent things like, I don't know, hateful rhetoric influencing people, though I could see someone taking that step. When no one has free will, everyone is perfectly obedient....)

And with the annoying TSET ads, I can flip the channel, just like I do when a particular candidate is being shown speaking. (Depending on November's outcome, I will likely spend a great deal of the next four years watching only cartoons, "Untold Stories of the ER," and cooking shows).

And yeah, I have no control over the weather and it's unpleasant and I just have to live through it. And similarly I have no control over the not-knowing about the budget and that's unpleasant and I just have to live through it. (Though I would like some stability in my life; we have a good interim guy at church but he can only stay till the end of the summer, so we will either need to find a permanent, or more likely, another interim. And that makes me unsettled and unhappy because church and work are the two big important things in my life)

And as for shopping: I have the internet and yeah, I got the e-mail yesterday that "Boaty McBoatface" pony is on the way to me. And I have tons of books that I need to read - I could open my own bookstore though I would only have one copy of everything. But I do still wonder at the vape shops: are they banking, maybe, on pot being legalized nationwide so they can turn into whatever you would call a head shop under a situation where pot was legal? (And I still wouldn't shop there; that's something I have zero interest in trying)

And I did give Pillow Talk a cleaning last night. I had read on the pony preservation site that OxyClean is apparently safe to use and works well. So I took the OxyClean I had for treating clothing stains and one of the little cotton pads I use for makeup removal (they are kind of like cotton balls flattened out and "quilted" so they don't fuzz) and saturated it and wiped her all over and then used another to 'rinse'. (I didn't want to dunk her in water lest it got inside her). I won't say it was "miraculous" - that would take her old color being restored and she's still sort of a fadey grey instead of lilac - but she looks very much better now, much brighter and what I thought was "pindot" or some other breakdown product was apparently just dirt. And her body markings are much brighter and nicer - I guess they just had a film of dust over them.

And I dampened her hair and slathered cheap conditioner on it and used the comb off of one of my G4 ponies to gently comb it out, starting at the tips so I didn't yank out any hairs. Her tail is a lot less frizzy now....I left the mane and tail in a 'set" (tail wrapped around her leg, mane wrapped around her neck and held in place with one of my hair elastics) and will take them out this afternoon to see how they dried but I think she looks much less "baity*" now and more respectable.

(* "Bait" ponies are ones that are sufficiently damaged or in poor enough condition that a collector feels justified doing extensive restoration work or turning them into a "custom" job with different hair or something).

And yeah, again: I know. The world is burning down around me, it seems, but oddly I am taking a certain amount of joy from cleaning up a 30-year-old toy, a stupid plastic pony. I can't explain it but somehow I felt happier and better after the little restoration work I did on her. (I have done a tiny bit of furniture restoration - mostly refinishing/cleaning the old finish - and it gave me a similar joy. I can't quite explain it.....maybe, taking something that is slightly trashed and through care (and caring about it) making it better?) As much as I have any maternal feelings I tend to expend them on things like my ponies.

I should photo her tonight after I let her hair out of the elastics to see how it did. I do think her tail, which was really frizzy, will be greatly improved. I may also send a photo to the seller to thank her and also let her know my package arrived.

(And yeah, now I can see myself haunting resale shops for really dirty trashed ponies to see who I can make pretty again. It's ridiculous how satisfying I find that)