and next morning

* I was driving out to get groceries this morning and something struck me. Last night I was totally stuck in the headspace of "this is terrifying and awful *for me*" (and okay, also for my brother) but really, how much more awful it must have been for my mother, who tried to wake my dad up from a nap but couldn't, who had to call the ambulance, and who then (apparently this is how it happened) ran home from the hospital to get all his medicine bottles and found the one that had the mistakenly-higher dose in the refill.

I was thinking about "how horrible it would be to lose my dad" but how much more horrible for my mom to lose her husband of 56 years. And really, given that they started dating freshman year of college, they have known each other and been friends for essentially 60 years.

*I'm now wondering if the reason the hospital was so forthcoming with information to me was that several years ago, my parents had me sign paperwork designating me as their "medical proxy" (my brother is their "financial proxy," if ever needed to be). I think they picked me for that because I'm a biologist. I did tell them the condition for my agreeing to it was that they had advance directives in place so there was no chance I'd have to make an end-of-life decision for someone all on my own.

Ah well. I'm glad the whole thing is over now.

* Not gonna lie: the grocery had what they called paczki and I bought myself one for breakfast. It was okay. Not a real paczki, but close enough.

* Still no news on my friend from church. I keep checking my e-mail and praying for her. No news isn't necessarily good news; it could also just be no news.  I did tell the secretary yesterday that if they needed another lunch worker after the funeral today to call me. She said the head of the Bereavement Committee hadn't called me because she knew I was especially busy, but I said I could still be available. Maybe then I will hear something if I get called in.

* I don't like having distressing news over a weekend. During the week, I can teach, I have colleagues around, and being in the day to day schedule of life makes it easier. (Some years back, when someone I know had her husband die suddenly, people questioned why she went almost immediately right back to work but I totally understand: at work you have some sense of control, some sense that life is still going on). It's harder for me to force myself to do stuff (e.g., data entry) when I don't HAVE to be doing it (unlike going in and teaching or something like writing an exam) when my mind is otherwise occupied.

* If I had known I would have saved putting the letter-markings on the little plastic frisbees (for this week's dispersal lab) today, that's a nice mindless task.

* I am putting in a respectful request to The One In Charge that I have at least a few uneventful weeks for a while. Also thinking of the saying (attributed to, but I bet not actually said by, Mother Teresa) about "I know God will never give me more than I can handle. I just wish He did not trust me so much."

* I want to finish putting the binding on my quilt. I was working on it last night when my brother called and all that stuff happened. I also want to start making the Maud Pie amigurumi, I found all the yarn for her and the fabric for her dress. I will probably have to see about getting some wide black grosgrain for the belt on the dress but that will be nearly the last thing I need and I might make a Sherman run next week. Maybe.