the week's over

And I'm glad. I am taking a little time to go look at fabric and yarn and beads and hope that there are some new knitting or quilting magazines to pick up, and to do grocery shopping.

It's been a rough and somewhat tiring week. Bad news in the bigger world, sad news locally. The person I referred to who went into hospice this week died yesterday. I admit I have mixed feelings about hearing that someone who went into hospice died quickly: I'm sad for her husband and especially sad that their kids apparently didn't get here in time to say goodbye, but I also admit that I feel some relief when someone who is terminal goes fast and peacefully and doesn't linger for months of pain.

Though I admit every time this happens to someone I know, it brings up the shadow that someday, it will be me rushing and struggling to get home "in time" to be able to say goodbye. And while I know if I COULDN'T, my other family members are not the sort who would hold it against me, but....just not something I want to think about.

(I have the local news on. Just heard a mention of "local police work with local high school authorities to thwart a shooting threat." I don't know all the details but I will admit I looked at the tv and said, "Oh, FUDGE." (and yes, I did say Fudge). Do not need that kind of thing to think about today. And apparently the kid is in custody and is being evaluated, but yeah, that is not cool.)

I wound up staying home last night. It was supposed to be AAUW but we had huge storms, apparently some streets were flooded, and there was a tornado watch so the president of the group called and cancelled. I kind of needed that; I was glad I didn't have to go back out (also, no minutes to type up today)

I did manage to get the front legs for Moondancer done - so she has a head and body, and the two front legs. This one is going slow, partly because I'm busy and tired and working on other things at the same time.

I'm also sort of dreading a meeting scheduled next week. This is a committee I am on - I did not ask to be on it, but because of another responsibility I carry, I am automatically on the committee. They typically, in the past, have met "only as needed." As a result, "as needed" means "there is some huge problem to tackle" and usually that problem has also festered for a while, so it's BAD. The last meeting of this group I was at, two members of it - who were more or less sitting on either side of me - wound up SCREAMING at each other in anger, and I wound up crying in public (something I try very, very hard not to do) because I cannot cope with that kind of concentrated anger happening around me. (I probably SHOULD have gotten up, said, "If you guys can't be civil to one another, I don't see why I need to stay here" and left, but I'm rarely brave enough for that kind of thing). Anyway.....I will say the membership of the committee has changed slightly and the two people who were so abrasive towards each other are no longer on it, but I still fear there's some big problem I was not aware of and it's going to wind up being an emotional blindsiding. (Next week is gonna stink, for a lot of reasons).

I can also tell I'm kind of tired and worn. Someone on ITFF posted to a Stephen West (he's a knitting designer) video where he basically parodied a Katy Perry song (I did not know that until someone else told me). And a lot of people were chuckling over the song and all that and I admit, I was just annoyed: Here's yet another guy who's getting attention because he's a Male Knitter and also because he's willing to be outrageous. No one ever cares about the people who do technically-accomplished things but who are kind of quiet and "mainstream" (all the knitters keeping Shetland traditions alive, the people who work to keep the Baltic traditions of knitting alive....) I dunno. I guess I get kind of sick of the people who jump around and say crazy things getting lots of attention, and the people who work hard at stuff being ignored, or getting more work piled on them without thanks. And yeah, I know, like the t-shirt my student had on earlier this week, "live for a cause, not for applause" but I confess this is one of the things that frustrates me, that it seems any more to be much of a success you have to be more "marketing genius" than "person of substance." Not that I'm saying the individual in question isn't a person of substance, I do not know him - but I will confess it irks me that an "old lady craft" becomes interesting to people when a man does it. (And again, I think: Maybe I need to learn to do motorcycle repair, and do it wearing a skirt and tight blouse, maybe then people would notice.)

Also, part of my annoyance is that I look at videos like that and go: If that was all I knew of knitting, I would feel like "I am not cool enough to knit, I would NEVER fit in with the people who knit. I am constitutionally incapable of enjoying the kinds of shenanigans one must to knit." It's kind of like the whole "not your grandma's knitting" thing, another thing that annoys me a lot.

I dunno. I think maybe it's that I felt so much as a kid that I never fit in that I bristle as an adult at things like this.