Thursday, November 05, 2015

Needing a break

I've got a lot to do, but I think if I can get through some of the necessary stuff today, I'm going to take tomorrow afternoon and go to Sherman for "big" grocery shopping - it's been several weeks, in fact, I think it's been since Mid-Fall Break that I've been out of town, and I find I get kind of sad when I see the same few places every day.

I also think it's just that last-push-before-the-semester-winds-down thing that's getting to me. I have to:

1. Write two more versions of a take home exam (the first one is done) and an in class exam
2. Write an exam for my intro class
3. Prep the next chapter for the intro class
4. Read the chapters for the biostats book I'm evaluating
5. Everyday stuff like teaching and meetings
6. Make time to work on research

Three and four I could do at home on Saturday (I'm seriously considering that - just taking what I need to work on home with me and working on it there, where I have more comfortable seating and an easier way of making tea)

I think it's just the tired time of the semester. I complained earlier this week about feeling tired out in the afternoons. (And yesterday evening, and now this morning, my hives are back in force, but it's been (a) more humid and (b) I was out in the forest yesterday walking through dead leaves and the hives are worst on my ankles, so)

But also, I'm back to having "vivid" dreams - I don't mean 'vivid' in the sense that someone claimed some of the drug-manufacturers claim is a side effect (Let's just say he figured they meant "boom chick-a-wa-wa" dreams). No, mine are like my brain reacts like I do after seeing an episode of "Hoarders" and goes, "Gotta get rid of all this extra junk! Gotta clean the place up NOW" and so everything I saw, read, heard in passing, smelled, whatever - even if it was just for a moment - plays a featured role in the dream.

(Side question: I've seen it posited that intelligent people have more memorable dreams, or they remember them more. I wonder if people with good memories - I know I have a freakishly good memory - have those kind of "sort-and-put-in-a-storage-unit" type dreams about stuff like I do, where there's all kinds of crazy images and stuff thrown in, and a lot of them are traceable to what was experienced in previous days?)

And also, there's bits of stress that creep into the dreams. Example: I was home for Christmas. My family is in the configuration it is now (parents older, brother married and with a kid) but we were back in the house where I grew up (Most of my dreams involving family take place in that house, even though I have now lived away from it for longer than I lived there). But nothing was quite right. My parents had gone for an artificial tree but it was only half set up and some of the branches seemed to be missing for it. And I realized the gift I bought for my niece was all wrong. (I have a lot of dreams like that, where just Everything Is Messed Up, but in a small-scale sort of way - I mean, having a lopsided Christmas tree or having to have my brother and sister-in-law return my niece's gift for the right thing after Christmas isn't the end of the world, but in the dream it kind of feels like it)

Also, I can tell I'm tired and worn, I'm more susceptible to getting really fed up with humanity really fast. This news story that just came out? About that cop who was allegedly shot and killed up near Chicago, and there was like a months-long manhunt? And now, it turns out he killed himself, apparently because he had been embezzling money for YEARS and was about to get caught? And so, in an instant, he went from "well-liked police officer taken in the line of duty" to "skeevy liar who committed crimes." And yeah, I get that you have to wait for the full story, but this looks pretty complete. And it just - it's one of the things that bugs me the most, because I really do want for there to be a few people who are decent people, and one of the things that frustrates me the most is when I find out someone who looked okay on the surface (this guy volunteered at kids' programs, for example) has a really dark underbelly. And yeah, I get that that's probably the more realistic human condition - that someone has a few good traits and some really bad ones - but it still bugs me when I learn about someone who "looked" good turns out to be an embezzler, or someone who preys on vulnerable people, or someone who enticed women into not-entirely-consensual sex, that kind of thing.

(I wonder some days if God ever regrets that whole "free will" thing)

So anyway. I think I need an afternoon out, maybe a meal at the good barbecue place, and I need to spend a little time looking at fabric and yarn and I need to get to a bigger nicer grocery store than what I have locally. (I also need to do laundry, but I could do that on Saturday while working on other things, if I stay home)

ETA: I think I also feel worn out because it's another case of bad stuff going on with people around me:
1. Someone I know from church just lost his father
2. A former member of our choir passed away the other day
3. One of the women at church is now in hospice. (She has the beginnings of dementia, but's sad and I know it's hard for her husband)
4. A few estrangements in my extended family that don't seem to look like they're going to get patched up. I'm not personally estranged from anyone but it does seem sad to me when kids and parents can't find a common ground....

so every additional bit of bad news feels like, I don't know, like another glassful of water I have to carry and not spill, and there are too many glasses right now.

I also haven't done much knitting/quilting/crocheting this week, other than the invigilating knitting, and I can tell that it very strongly affects my well being. I have a meeting tonight so I probably won't get anything done tonight, either. 

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Once, back in the early 90's, I had a dream that I went to work with no clothes on. I know it's fairly common to have naked dreams but the weird thing about this was that everyone thought it was a really clever idea, like I had worn some unusual new kind of outfit. But anyway, it was a Sunday night and I hadn't got around to doing any laundry that weekend and I went to bed worrying about what to wear the next day so I figured that was the reason I had that dream.

Most of my dreams are not so directly related to real life though. I have a lot of weird, science fiction-like dreams. That might be because I read and watch a lot of science fiction but they usually don't seem to be related to anything I've seen or read, although, there was the night that 20 Klingons came to dinner.