Guess I'm ready

We've had terrific winds (in the sense of LARGE and not the sense of WONDERFUL) the past few days, and I am assuming it's kicked up lots of allergens. Or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it, because I feel tired and almost borderline weepy.

Part of it is, I guess, just the ongoing drumbeat of bad news. Standing up before doing the announcements at church (there is a small anteroom you wait in before going up to the lectern, the thought, "This world has broken my heart" popped into my head and yes, I think that explains some of it - I see how some people could choose to be better but do not, I see how things happen that seem inexplicably (at least this side of the veil) and needlessly awful.

I was somewhat cheered up by helping decorate the church for Christmas today.

Next week is the start of Advent, so we needed to have it done before, traditionally we do it after the service on the "last day" of the old liturgical year - I believe this is Christ the King Sunday? We don't, in my denomination, do nearly enough recognition of the round of the liturgical year, I think. I like that kind of thing and I think I need it - the idea that there is an underlying order, and that things come around again, and that as much as the outside world changes, we come back around to, and celebrate, the same things again and again.

Also, the reading that served as the basis of the sermon - not from the actual Liturgy reading for this day, but it was one of what I think of as "Paul's Commencement Addresses" - the closing to one of his letters, where, among other things, he reminds people to hold fast to that which is good. I love that image and it is important to me. I think it's because I am, in some ways, a very tactile person - I understand the idea of literally holding fast to something, whether it is a loved one's hand, or something you are making, or even just some small thing that gives you comfort. (It's not for nothing, I think, that when I was a child I often brought a very small toy - like something the size of what a blindbag pony would be - with me to school in my pocket. Only I knew it was there but it made me feel better).

I'm packed. I don't need much as this will be a short break, and I'm not taking much in the way of knitting because I expect there won't be much chance to. Right now I have some Hallmark channel movie playing. I admit it, as cynical as I can be about some things, I love many of these movies. Part of it is that I do wish the kind of magic some of them openly promote actually existed. (the one I am thinking of, which just ended, featured a couple of literal elves (like, from the North Pole) persuading a woman not to sell her historic inn. And Santa Claus is real in the world of the movie - and yet, it seems to be a movie made at least nominally for grown-ups, because the blossoming romance between the female lead and the male lead is a part of the movie). Or that people could be better than they are - I talked about that one with the blended family the other day. I dunno. I guess in some ways I feel like anything like magic has gone out of the world for me, and so I like entertainments that have it. Or, I don't know. I'm not saying this very well. I think I'm just feeling a little emotionally beaten down with the bad budget news on campus, and the quilt shop closing, and the ugliness in the world, and I feel like things are just going to keep getting sadder and sadder. And there's not really anything I can do to improve things...

I'm almost done with the gift cowl. I am hoping to complete it today, so it will be ready for the party week after next. I still have to find a creative way to wrap it (this is one of those "pick a blind gift" gift exchanges, so the interesting looking gifts get chosen early). One year I was able to find little metal tins with holiday designs on them (my mom still uses the lunchbox shaped one with snowflakes on it that I used to hold a pair of socks I knitted her). I didn't see anything inspiring at the wal-mart, but maybe I can try the Hallmark store or one of the two chain pharmacies in town. (I should have been thinking about that yesterday; I ran to the CVS for more AA batteries for one of my little light strings and I found a Twilight Sparkle tree ornament - so now I have THREE pony tree ornaments, the Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie a friend sent me a couple years ago, and now Twilight. (And it's even alicorn Twilight; it seems the manufacturers play a little fast and loose with which version of her they make).

But I don't know. As I said, I'm feeling tired and worn and I expect this not to be a totally restful break with a house full of people including a toddler. (I admit it: I am NOT a "small child person" in many ways. I am not comfortable around them, probably from lack of experience. ) I will have to make sure I have enough earplugs for sleeping just in case.