Another pony story

This was one I partially wrote in my head (and tried to remember the basics of) while riding on the train home for break. I decided to go ahead and write it out. This is my way of giving Treehugger a more "interesting" (well, to me) character. This is more or less a first draft, and also, I'll note, it's hard to write "hippie" dialog that sounds convincing.


Whether or not Agent T/Treehugger (and Director Hoofer) are for real or are merely wearing the pony-equivalent of tinfoil hats is up to you:

After the Gala

Treehugger looked out over the remnants of the Grand Galloping Gala. She had managed to avert one disaster; she was now contemplating how to prevent another. 

What none of the other ponies there knew, what none of them could know, was her real role. She presented herself to the world as an airheaded granola-pony, somepony who talked of auras and mellowness, somepony who wore flowers in her mane and used far too many commas in her speech. What nopony else knew was that she was actually a deep-undercover agent, working for a secret agency, one so secret that she was not entirely sure if Celestia even knew them.

Around other ponies, she was Treehugger, the cryptozoologist hippie pony. To her colleagues at the Agency, she was Agent T, tasked with controlling infectious invaders in Equestria. She had managed to gain admittance to the Gala by using her powers of persuasion on an ordinary pony – in fact, a rather weak-minded ordinary pony, if a kind one. This was all necessary, because her Director had got wind of Discord’s invitation, and he had suspected something “off” would happen.

When the invitations first went out, he called her into his office and told her to insinuate herself with somepony – he didn’t care who – who had an invitation, and get invited to go to the Gala as their guest. On her own, Agent T was too inconspicuous, too unknown, to merit an invitation. Director Hoofer could doubtless have gotten her one, but questions, uncomfortable questions, might have been asked, and her cover could not be imperiled. Fortunately, Treehugger had been investigating some odd interdimensional disturbances about the same time as the pony known as Fluttershy was observing the Breezie migration, and it was simple enough to befriend that pony. And it was simple enough for her to conveniently show up in Ponyville a few days before she knew Fluttershy was due to receive her invitation.

So now, Treehugger – or Agent T – was standing near the dais at the Gala, watching with concern as the Spreading Menace danced with the pink party pony. Treehugger could not let anyone know of her concern; one of the things that made her a good agent was her complete ability to present a neutral expression to the world while her mind worked frantically to formulate a plan. 

And she needed a plan, now. She needed to send the Smooze back to its own dimension, and then to check every guest to be sure they carried none of the Smooze on their coats or their clothes or their hooves. Even a tiny particle of the matter could, if it found anything shiny – a gem, a gold bit, even foil glitter – consume that item and grow. And once it started growing, once it was unleashed in Equestria….well, Agent T did not like to think of a widespread invasion of Smooze and what it might do to the Equestrian economy and to the morale of ponies. 

She ducked out onto a deserted balcony. She looked around carefully to be sure nopony was nearby, and removed a small communicator device from deep in the bodice of her dress. Opening it, she hissed into the device, “Smooze is here. Need instructions on how to proceed.”

On the other side of Equestria, Director Hoofer of the Agency had been sitting late in his office, waiting for this very call. “Agent T. First, neutralize or dispatch the Smooze.”

“Dispatch? You want me to kill another living thing?”

“Send it home, Agent T. Send it home. You can do that, can’t you?”

“Understood.” Again, she looked around to be sure nopony had seen her.

“Then, you will need to make sure every particle of Smooze is gone….you will have to inspect everypony. Maybe set up a decontamination station?”

“Director….that could cause widespread panic.” 

“Well, then, can you find a way to separate the contaminated ponies and clean THEM? I don’t think we can do this WITHOUT panic.”

“Director….I can’t compromise my cover.”

“Figure it out, Agent T. Read Celestia in to it if you need to.”

Treehugger was just about to ask him if Celestia even knew about the Agency, when a stallion and mare sneaked out onto the balcony, apparently for a little unobserved canoodling. Treehugger quickly stowed her communicator before they saw it, and then she grinned goofily at them and said, “Like, I was just communing with the night. But I pick up what you’re puttin’ down and I’ll leave you in privacy.” She ducked back into the ballroom and took quick stock: Pinkie was still dancing, the other ponies were mostly standing around and talking, the Smooze was still there, bouncing around and leaving a trail on the marble floor. Treehugger walked back in and stood next to Fluttershy. Discord looked daggers at her.

Treehugger ignored him and kept thinking.

Looking at Princess Celestia, she decided to chance it. For the moment, Celestia was standing off by herself and nopony was likely to overhear their conversation. So Treehugger turned to Fluttershy:

“Heeeey. I’m gonna, like, go over to the Princess and, like, thank her for hosting us. This has just been a groovy shindig.”

Fluttershy nodded, apparently too caught up in the music to find Treehugger’s desire to directly approach the Princess strange.

Trehugger crossed the floor. As she walked, her posture became more erect, her eyes opened wider, and she cleared her throat. She sidled up to the Princess, and in a voice very different from the one the other ponies she knew, said, “Your Highness. Am I correct in assuming you are aware of the Agency?”

If Celestia was surprised at Treehugger’s transformation, she did not show it; she merely nodded.

“Director Hoofer encouraged me to be here tonight; he had some prior intelligence that the Smooze would be brought in from the Blob Dimension. I presume that you are aware of the destructive power of the Smooze?”

“He doesn’t seem so bad, actually….” remarked Celestia. “He seems kind of fun-loving.”

Agent T sighed. Were all these ponies dense? Even their leader? 

“Princess, have you ever seen mold?”

“Mold? As in fungus?”

“The very same. Have you ever seen a batch of oats get moldy? They become useless- toxic to ponies, slimy, disgusting. And what is worse, if they are not disposed of properly they can infect other oats – any other plant matter, in fact – and similarly render it useless and toxic. While Smooze is not a mold, it behaves in a similar way. If even a tiny bit of it gets out into Equestria….well, a few moons later, and every bit of valuable metal or gem in the country could be consumed, and ponies drowned in a sticky mass like what you saw tonight.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Smooze presents a dire threat. What we need to do is, first, send it back to its home, and then, make absolutely sure no pony has any Smooze anywhere on their body or clothing. I suggest quickly constructing a doorway, and placing a detection spell on it. Anypony shown to be infected will have to be decontaminated and any clothing they are wearing either cleaned or burned.”

“Oh, dear….this is much more serious than I thought. Discord promised me he was merely a fun-loving blob.”

“Deadly serious, Princess.” And really, Agent T thought, but did not say, You trusted Discord? For a Princess, that’s awfully thick-headed.

Celestia looked around. “Twilight is incredibly gifted in magic. She ascended to princesshood as a result of creating her own magic and finishing an unsolved spell. She could cast the detection spell.”

Treehugger nodded. “I will have to hide my identity from her; she can only know me as the hippie pony she thinks I am. Can you ask her to do what is needed?”

“Consider it done. Send the Smooze back to its home, and I will arrange for the rest to be taken care of.” Celestia looked across the ballroom and silently summoned her former student to her. 

“Princess Celestia, you needed me?”

“Twilight. I have come to believe that Smooze may have, ah, contaminated some of the Ponies here. We need to be sure they are free of it before they leave the castle. If I get my guards to build a portal of sorts, could you cast a spell on it so that it would detect Smooze if it were present on somepony?”

“I THINK I could….how would you want the detection to go? A buzz, or a glow, or what?”

Treehugger spoke up, in her cover persona: “Whoa, a buzz would be, like, way harsh. Lights might be a lot more chill.”

“Okay,” said the puzzled Twilight, “the portal will light up if there is Smooze on the pony…..um, I’ll probably need a little bit of it to formulate the spell….” She looked over at Pinkie Pie and then grinned. “Pinkie’s got it on her mane, I can work with that.” Twilight trotted off to begin the spell.

Treehugger quietly said to Celestia. “And as for the decontamination?”

“There are royal washrooms there and….there” she said, pointing with a hoof. “One can be designated for mares, one for stallions. They can quietly be sent there, showered, their clothing removed for cleaning. We’ll try to keep this quiet so nopony is upset.”

Agent T relaxed a bit. That part was taken care of. Now to get rid of the original Smooze. 

Heading over to the band, she waited for them to finish the number, and then said, “Wow, guys, that was, like, out of this world. Why don’t you take five and go have some punch and munchies?”

The stallion playing the drums shrugged. “Don’t have to ask us twice!”

Agent T crossed the floor. Coming within a few feet of the Smooze, she began swaying and chanting. Not the whinnying chant she used to calm the creature before, but a different, deeper, harsher chant. 

Discord must have realized what she was doing; he turned and looked at her. She shot the harshest look she could manage back at him. He retreated, looking puzzled. Treehugger realized she might have compromised her cover, but this was more important. She chanted louder and faster and slowly a portal opened, grew larger….and with a sucking noise, the Smooze was drawn into it and disappeared. 

“Aw, WHAT?” exclaimed Pinkie, when she realized her dancing partner was gone.

Treehugger shut her mouth abruptly; with luck not all the ponies would realize the vortex was her doing. She quickly moved over to the area where a couple of Pegasus stallions had quickly built something resembling a doorway, and Twilight, her eyes closed and her face contracted with concentration, was enchanting the portal. 

Agent T nodded to Celestia. 

“My Ponies!” Celestia declared. “One last thing before the Gala is over for another year! We are asking each of you to walk through this doorway before you leave. If the doorway glows, we will have further instructions for you….”

“Oooh!” exclaimed Pinkie from across the ballroom “Is it like a contest? Do we win something if the portal lights up?”

Agent T had to stifle a laugh. Leave it to the pink one to come up with a silly innocuous explanation. But all the better that she think that, all the better that they all think that.

“Pinkie,” said Treehugger, “Like, maybe you should be first! Try your luck, girlfriend!”

Pinkie bounded through the portal. Unsurprisingly, it lit up brightly.

Well, thought Agent T. At least we know it works.

Celestia was whispering to Pinkie, and then pointed toward one of the washrooms. Pinkie looked puzzled but headed off there, where she was met by a couple of Celestia’s mares-in-waiting.

“Hey, what are you….” But the rest was muffled as they dragged Pinkie into the washroom while stripping off her dress.

“Like, who’s next? Try your luck! It’s really, really bad karma if you don’t!” Treehugger tried to encourage the rest of the ponies to begin heading through but they stood around looking confused. So she trotted through the portal – nothing – of course she had been careful to avoid getting Smooze on her, and anyway, when she sent it back, any clinging to her would have left as well.

So slowly, the ponies began to head through…..Applejack walked through, nothing. Same with her sister. A stallion wearing a bowtie and fez set it off and was guided to the other washroom by a couple of the Royal Guard. 

Slowly, the rest of the Gala attendees funneled through. There were a few difficult moments after the ponies realized that the “prize” they won for lighting up the portal was to be stripped of their clothes and roughly scrubbed down by ponies they didn’t even know. Rarity screamed and squealed and made a giant fuss about her (replacement) dress when she lit up the portal. Fluttershy didn’t want to walk through; she was afraid of what might happen. Fortunately, the little orange Pegasus was behind her, and pushed her through. 

Finally, everypony, save for Twilight and Celestia, had been accounted for. Twilight walked through – nothing. 

Everypony held their breath. Celestia slowly walked through. The portal lit up. Celestia grinned at Twilight and Treehugger. “I needed a bath, anyway” she said as she headed off to her own, private bath, nodding to a couple of her mares-in-waiting for assistance with her dress.

Except, not everypony had been accounted for. During the entire process of checking and decontamination, Discord had become first bored and then annoyed. “No sense in waiting for THIS” he said to himself, and quietly opened up a portal to his home dimension and traveled back. What he did not realize was that when Smooze had kissed him, it left a bit of itself on his rough, grey cheek….and Discord carried Smooze back to his own, chaotic, dimension.

Back in Canterlot, the Gala slowly broke up as ponies left the castle. The Ponyville-bound ponies boarded the train as the Canterlot unicorns walked back to their homes and some Pegasus ponies set off to fly through the night to Cloudsdale.

“Wow, girls, that was a crazy night…..” remarked Twilight. She looked curiously at Treehugger, wondering about her, but didn’t say anything further. Could Treehugger have known about Smooze? Or was it merely fortunate she was there? Twilight doubted she could have opened the portal using her alicorn magic….

“Maud, are you gonna stay with me tonight? Please say you’re gonna stay with me! We can have a sisters sleepover! I can make waffles tomorrow morning!” exclaimed Pinkie.

“Okay…..” yawned Maud, but said nothing else.

Applejack pulled her cape over the three Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were huddled sleepily next to each other on a seat. “You all just take a nap now, sugarcubes. We’ll be back home again soon.” 

“Well, I don’t think I am EVER going back to one of these” declared Rarity, who was wrapped in a towel borrowed from the Princess’ storeroom. “They seem always to be such a….disaster. I’m not going to sleep soundly for a week after what horrors I’ve been through.” And then she promptly fell asleep, leaning against Rainbow Dash, who rolled her eyes at Applejack, who was quietly giggling over it. 

“Really, I feel like I need to apologize for Discord’s behavior,” said Fluttershy, “I guess he’s really not totally understanding what friendship IS yet. And who would have thought such a cute green blob could be dangerous?”

“Duh! Parasprites!” exclaimed Pinkie, looking meaningfully at Fluttershy, who then mumbled and looked at the floor. 

The ponies lapsed into silence as the train headed through the night. Some of them slept, some of them stared out the window at the darkness. Eventually the train pulled in at Ponyville station and they disembarked. 

“Treehugger!” exclaimed Fluttershy “It’s way, way too late for you to try to go home tonight….you can stay with me. I’ll sleep on the sofa and you can take my bed.”

“Groovy, Fluts,” said Treehugger, back to her cover persona. “I just want to….catch a little night air first, you know?”

“Okay….don’t be too long. I could make us some tea first….”

“Cool beans.”

“Not beans, silly,” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, “That would be coffee! Cool leaves!” And Pinkie bounded off for her apartment above the Cake’s shop with Maud slowly plodding behind her.

Treehugger split off from Fluttershy, who was headed back to her cottage to put the kettle on. 

Treehugger ducked behind a large tree and, once again making sure no pony could see her, pulled out her communicator once more.

“Director Hoofer?”

There was a moment of silence, and then a “Confound it, Agent T…..I was in bed. Speak quietly, I don’t want you waking my wife.”

“Threat has been neutralized, Director. Smooze is back in home dimension, ponies are clean.”

“Okay, Agent T. Stand down for now.”

Treehugger sighed, returned the communicator to the bodice of her dress, and set off for her friend’s house, tea, and hopefully, sleep.