This has, as I said, rattled around in my head for about a year in longer and shorter forms. This is just a short version of it, where the protagonist doesn't wind up going to the town where I have her go on some versions of the story.
I have a hard time judging my own writing because I do mostly scientific writing which is a very different style and I have to go through so many tortuous (and torturous!) rewrites of it that by the time I'm done I'm sick of what I've written and unable to judge its merit. (And I've had a few "this is a long shot, but oh well" papers get accepted with minor revisions, and some I thought were pretty good rejected out of hand, which makes me mistrust my judgement).
So anyway, here it is. I haven't really edited it much; I pretty much wrote it as I thought it: