"Too many people"

If you've ever wondered what it's like to be an introvert, think of the phrase "too many people." That's what gets me down some days; having to interact with so many different people, not having enough time to calm down after having to have my "public face" on for hours and hours. I had my usual teaching and office hours, plus a Master's defense (oral exam), which made ME nervous because the student doing it was so nervous (he did pass, but I could tell he was nervous). And then Elder's meeting and Board Meeting and in a small, perpetually cash-strapped church there's always that worry that something big will go wrong, or will have gone wrong and.....well, at one point they asked the pastor to leave the room and I could feel my heart starting to pound (because I immediately imagine any number of difficult things). Turned out it was about a "pastoral appreciation month" thing but for those few moments I was very nervous.

After all that and I got home, the best I could do was stare at stuff on the Internet for a while, trying to calm myself down enough that I'd be able to sleep. I really do need quiet time, down time, time away from other people. And when I'm too wound up from too many interactions, I can't even knit.

I think of the A. A. Milne poem (from Now We Are Six) entitled "Solitude":

I have a house where I go
When there’s too many people,
I have a house where I go
Where no one can be;

I have a house where I go,
Where nobody ever says “No”;
Where no one says anything-so
There is no one but me.


Of course, Milne was writing more from the perspective of a child who is being punished for something and longs for the autonomy to do what he or she wants, and not a tired adult who just wants to be left alone and have a little QUIET but still.

And the thing is, all of the people (well, nearly all) that I deal with in a given day are people I LIKE but it still gets to be too much, too many people pressing in on all sides. (Part of that may be related to the fact that far too many of my interactions tend to involve someone needing me to do something for them.)

***

Next week is mid-fall break. I don't really have any plans in mind. If my friend near Shreveport gets in touch and wants to do a meet-up, I'll do that. But if she's too busy with work (I suspect that will be the case), I don't think I want to drive 3 1/2 hours, just for a lunch out by myself and a trip to a yarn store (seeing as I now have one in my town - granted, smaller than the one in Longview, but. And I have all this yarn I'm not knitting up).

Part of me wants to go and do something "different," because I always complain during the regular year about how I never get to do anything "fun." But I'm not sure of what to do. I had half a thought of going to see Spiro Mounds, which is an archaeological site. But I also heard recently that their hours had been reduced and you have to make special arrangements for a tour and stuff, and while I could do that, it means it can't be a spur of the moment kind of thing. I'll have to think this weekend (and think fast, as it's next week). Though part of me says that I could just stay home, not go in to work, not do anything work related, and just tackle some of the ongoing projects I have that I haven't been able to work on because of the overload of teaching and because of being "too tired" when I get home in the evenings.