* I don't know for sure but I may have mistakenly taken a double dose of my hypertension meds last night. I kind of remember taking the pill when I first got my beverage for dinner out, and then taking it when I sat down to dinner. (I hadn't turned the bottle over, which is usually my signal for "you took the pill already," so maybe I didn't).
* At any rate, I haven't died and my heart rate hasn't slowed to a dangerous point. (There was some medical show, maybe Untold Stories from the ER, that featured someone who way OD'd on beta blockers and they had a deathly low heart rate, apparently that's the main problem. And anyway, a double dose probably isn't approaching OD)
* I was really sore this morning from mowing when I got up. Partly because I was extra OCD about it (going over and over areas again) but partly because it was hot out. Didn't work out, which may have been a mistake, because:
* I have this foreboding feeling of "there will be tears before the day is out." My mood is usually not as good on days when I don't work out before work.
* I was thinking about my old high school French teacher again this morning as I trudged up the stairs to my office. Specifically, how I remember seeing him on his way to work (the prep school I attended had a few houses that they used to provide housing for some faculty. He and his wife had a house close to campus). He was frequently whistling and swinging his briefcase. And thinking about that makes me sad because while I value my work deeply, I never quite feel like whistling and swinging whatever I am carrying (I don't carry a briefcase) as I head in to work. And I wonder, how does someone learn to be that happy-go-lucky? By all rights I should be like that - I have an extremely good life, unbelievably good by global standards - and yet I'm so serious all the time. And stuff, little stuff, gets to me and sucks out the joy I might feel. Maybe it's an issue of age - he was a good fifteen years older (at least) when I knew him as a teacher than I am now - but I'd think at some point before now I'd have learned to go all Bugs Bunny and say "eeeeeeeeh, forget it" to the stuff that bothered me.
When I go into work in the morning, my head is full of a list of what I need to be sure to do in the coming day. I'm mentally clicking through "What is the best time to get this done, and what do I have to do before I can do this other thing, and when can I get over to Print Shop" and all of that.
* Maybe he never watched the news. That could be part of it.
* I suppose my perceptions today are colored by the worry over the outcome of the Yard Boss Lady's visit to my property today. As I said, part of my brain says that no reasonable person could find fault right now - but then again, the other part of my brain says, you so often find that people do not fit your definition of "reasonable." But still, I never do have a day when I whistle and swing my arms as I head in to work. And that makes me a little sad.
* How do you learn not to be bugged by the stupid little stuff in life? Is that even possible to learn at 45, or is that something that has to be coded into your genes or learned as a child? (And yet: by being bugged by the stupid little stuff of life more than most people, I do have the reputation of being extremely diligent and the one who can get stuff done. I'd hate to lose that but sometimes I think the tendency to get bugged by stupid stuff in life is killing me.)
4 comments:
If I remember correctly, you still use a reel type mower. Maybe it's time to look at a power mower. When I did my own yard, years ago, I got a small electric mower. That coupled with a long extension cord served me very well. I chose the electric because I didn't want to store gas on my property. That would lessen the amount of time you have to spend mowing.
I gave up watching the news years ago. Probably added several years to my life.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure anyone can teach someone how to not sweat the small stuff. It's something I have to actively remind myself about when I find myself getting torqued about stuff I have no control over. It doesn't always help but sometimes it does. I have been getting better at it as I get older, though.
Here's a copy of what I left at Dustbury:
Temperament can change, but it takes a lot of doing, and I suspect a form of counter-programming. Recognizing when you’re being self-critical, and countering it with praise or recognizing what you’re doing and that what you think about yourself has nothing to do with what people really think of you. Most likely, you really are fooling most of the people most of the time.
So for example, one technique teaches you to talk to yourself. Praise yourself whenever you do something good. And I mean, say out loud (so your ears can hear), "That was good. Good job. You did good."
I don't think you can get rid of the dark thoughts, but showing that you're taking care of yourself might keep from hitting the lows too often.
Like I said, it isn't easy. I've known a friend for 20 years, and he'll continue to berate himself when he does something clumsy. It's a cycle of mistakes and self-loathing, and he'll probably never fix it.
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