Friday, February 14, 2014

"Im not bovvered" quote a comedienne's character that I think I've seen in exactly ONE of the skits she did as that character.

I mentioned earlier about that #coupledpeoplesproblems thing? Well, I realized something else, when someone started a "This is Marginalize Singles Day" thread somewhere, to ask us all what we were doing.

And I realized: I'm not worrying about getting just the "right" gift for my Special Somepony. I'm not worrying whether he got me a gift. I'm not thinking about "Does this show up what the neighbors did just in the right way?"

Some years back I took this day as evidence of how I was an abnormal loser because I didn't "have someone." But over the years, my attitude has changed. While I'm not to the point - at least not 100% of the time - of being able to say "If someone thinks I'm an abnormal loser, that's THEIR problem and not mine," I'm still a lot more secure than I was.

And you know? In a bizarre way I think Valentine's day is easier for either longtime singles or longtime coupled people. (My parents, for example: they know what the other person likes but at the same time they know if some glitch prevents them from getting a gift for the other, there will not be anger or tears or really anything other than "That's okay, you've done so much for me over the years.")

But for someone in a fairly new relationship, this does seem kind of a perilous day: What if the person doesn't find the funny card I got them funny? What if they're insulted by it? What if they started a diet, unbeknownst to me, and chocolates are taboo? What if they have really high expectations and whatever I do is disappointing?

But me, I'm free: I can enjoy the friend-love of my friends, the love of my family. I can buy myself some small gift and tell myself I'm worth it, that I deserve to care about myself, too.

I think part of my past discontent was the trope, which still makes the rounds, that Single People Are Selfish Because They Have Chosen Not To Share Their Life.

Well, okay. I don't share my bed, and I don't have someone sitting across the table from me at breakfast, and I don't have someone else to do the marketing for. But I do share my life, frankly, in a lot of ways - all the times I complain about "wharrgarrrbllll, evening meetings" or "Something I have to do on campus for recruitment." I think anyone who would call me selfish and not-sharing would get kind of a stink-eye in response from me.

And as for giving stuff: I sent cards to family (including a big, glittery one to my niece) and to some friends. And I brought in a box of See's lollipops for my department. (Well, that was a purchase because the youth group was doing a fundraiser, at that point I didn't want a box of chocolates. And then when the lollipops arrived, I decided that with my dodgy tooth it's best to avoid hard candies. (I have one tooth I fear may be on the verge of cracking - I have an appointment for a checkup shortly, and if I can keep it intact till then, I can plan then how to get it worked on. If it even is bad; it might not be)  But I will say my original plan WAS to share them.

And one of the student workers, whose mom is a baker, brought in cupcakes today. Not quite enough for everyone, but as a colleague pointed them out to me, I decided to take one. So I got my cupcake for today.

And it's Friday, and I don't have to be anywhere tonight, so I can go home and wash my hair and eat a leisurely dinner and relax a little.

1 comment:

L.L. said...

I think Valentine's Day should be a day of appreciation for everyone. We all need love and support.

And I never understood the single people are selfish trope. More like, "I'm jealous you don't have to put up with the crap I do, so instead of reflecting on my life choices, I'm going to project my misery onto someone else for temporary relief" trope.

Which is unfortunately typical.