Spoke too soon

ETA: They closed campus for tomorrow. Yay, more monkeywrenches in my plans! Yay, more neverending grading that never ever ends. Yay, more people who will be unhappy over the solutions I am implementing for missed classwork/exams.

All of those "yays" were extremely sarcastic, in case you didn't figure that out. Yes, I'm happy that the school has the foresight to prevent people from driving in what will probably be awful conditions, but this is just going to lead to exam week being a cluster.

NWS is still suggesting "significant ice accumulations" for here.

I will be very disappointed if I lose power and can't do some of the things I need to do. (I have a Sunday school lesson to prep. I guess that will be tonight's task in case we lose power Friday and Saturday...)

And I'm VERY unhappy over something. I came in to an e-mail from my lab TA for my class this morning. It was fairly cryptic and referenced "needing" to be in OKC, or maybe being there and not being able to leave. (Though an OKC resident verified for me that the weather THERE was not bad at the time the e-mail was sent).

I got a little suspicious. This is someone with a boyfriend in OKC. Someone who is in "luuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvv" (as one of my colleagues put it). Wonder if she left early because of the chance of bad weather?

When I went to get a new grading pen (the one I carried in, clamped between my teeth pirate-dagger style, because I had no more free hands, went missing the moment I set it down), the secretary remarked that the TA had been in to drop off the graded material from last week.....and her general demeanor suggested she was in a rush to leave early so as not to miss a weekend with her boyfriend on account of bad weather.

Okay. I can't confirm this but it seems very suspicious. I'd be willing to forgive a "I have a med-school interview and need to leave" or a "I have a sibling in the hospital with something very serious." But a standing date? Not so much. (I will note the one week I had to be absent, because I had meeting thrust upon me (some are born to meetings, some achieve meetings, some have meetings thrust upon them), I found someone to fill in for me. Of course, I knew a couple weeks in advance, but still.)

What it means, is I taught the lab alone - luckily, this was an easier one, and I gave a more extensive (more "hints" and help) introduction than I normally do, just to avoid being run ragged by questions. But I have to grade the labs in order that everyone will get the grades in a timely fashion so that final grades can be turned in. That is usually the TA's duty. (I'd feel a LOT worse about it if she were salaried rather than hourly - she's not getting paid for not being here or not doing the labs. If she were, I'd be quite angry).

But this just pushes three buttons that are rather hot for me right now:

1: MOAR grading. I graded all Monday afternoon and evening, most of the day Tuesday, all yesterday evening....and I did that so I thought I'd be done today. I'm really burnt out on grading. But I have to do this because other people are depending on it being done.

2. This is why I have a hard time delegating or asking for help. I've had enough times in my life when someone I was depending on flaked out. As I said, I can forgive emergencies, though I may not be as gracious as I should be at first. But I've also had more than my share of people who decided they didn't "feel like" doing something they said they'd do. I never agree to doing something unless I am 100% sure I can get it done - otherwise, I say "I will try to do it but I have many other things to do so it may not get done." But I've had so many people volunteer for something, say "Yeah, I'll be there!" and then never show.

3. I'm wondering if I'm just being overly cranky about this, never having really been in "luuuuuuuuuuuuvvv" (well, for more than a few weeks one summer, and that was probably mostly infatuation) and if it's just my  aloneness that's making me react to this, that I should be happy that these young people are in love and just willingly suck up the extra work because I shouldn't impede the Way of Love. (Then again, I think of a couple funerals of loved ones I didn't go to because I felt I couldn't spare the time from my duties. I know, life isn't fair but golly.)

The other thing is the iffy weather has me on edge. I'm supposed to give an exam tomorrow. I told people that if class is cancelled, they will be taking it Monday after they take the final but that's led to a lot of unhappiness and resistance and people going "But I have to work after the exam on Monday!" or "But I won't have time to study!" and stuff, which means I have to arrange ALTERNATE times, which just stresses me out - all of the juggling stuff,, the not having a set schedule, the not knowing when things will be done, and the worrying that everyone gets taken care of. (Okay. Yes. I am like Sheldon Cooper in a few specific ways and having a real discomfort and loathing of having my schedule upset is one of them.)

(And yes: "When do you take care of YOURSELF" is a question I'm not really going to answer right now)

So I'm almost to the point of going "Maybe I'll rent SIX horror movies" or saying "I throw my hands in the air because I just can't care." I'm irritated by this but on some level I've reached a point of not caring any more.