Something happened today, something I can't really talk about in detail but which leaves me feeling kind of disrespected. A responsibility was taken out of my hands because someone didn't like how I was fulfilling it.
On the one hand, this solves a problem: I don't have to worry about this thing which is an occasionally recurring thing.
On the other hand, I'm so sick of people acting like I'm not "adult" enough. If I'm not a (expletive deleted) adult, why am I so tired all the time? Why do I never have enough time to do what I want? Why am I so boring? Why is so much still expected of me?
I get that in some people's eyes I fail at adulthood for various reasons, but I wish they were less open about showing it.
I also had to be the "bad guy" today and tell a couple students, "No extra exam time without official accommodations" because apparently that's the law now. But they kept pressing, kept trying to wear me down. That frustrates me.. I'm saying "No, I can't, here is why" and they keep saying, "But why not? We neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it"
Well, dearies, there are a lot of things I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed but am not getting.
Gah. I have two meetings this evening, one which I have to lead, and now I'm super grumpy. But I also have to run home and wash my hair (and it is so dry out that it's doing an impression of what it would do were I hooked up to a Van de Graaf generator) and do some piano practice.
And I was thinking this afternoon, "This is exactly the kind of day, in the before-times, when I would get a pizza from out to simplify dinner." But I can no longer do that. And even though I have a small serving of leftover soup, I still feel kind of sad and sorry for myself and sick of the fact that I can NEVER EVER have the convenience of just getting food "from out" again, unless they find some miraculous permanent cure for hypertension.
2 comments:
Perhaps you could look on being relieved of the responsibility as a blessing rather than an indication that you're not adult enough to handle it. I've been tutoring first graders for nigh onto 15 years. This year for the first time in all those years, I was assigned a student whose classroom teacher wouldn't/couldn't agree to the time I had available to be there. The coordinator said she'd get me another student but so far nothing has happened. Except I looked at it as Someone telling me it was time I gave it up. So sometimes these decisions made by others are made for our benefit even if it is hard at first to see that.
Don't put yourself down. Take pride in what you've accomplished. It's enough.
The definition of adulthood has changed and will keep changing. People have more options.
If others want to hold on to outdated notions about how things should be, that's their problem--NOT YOURS.
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