Too many people

1. Part of my frustration at the responsibility thing is this is someone who is difficult to work with and who has kind of snarked at me before. Other people tell me this person is equally difficult with them, so I guess I need to conclude "it's them, not me" and just shrug it off. But it does still bug me. Why do people do that? They get a tiny bit of power and then use it to make everyone around them dislike them.

2. I've discovered something. On days when I have to interact with too many people (even if some of those interactions are positive), those tend to be the nights when I have "bad" dreams. I don't mean "bad" in the nightmare sense; I rarely have "classic" nightmares. More commonly the "bad" dreams I have mean I wake up sad or cranky because of something in the dream.

This time, it involved a large family reunion. As is often the case with these things, "family" wasn't limited to the set of "family in real life" - a colleague or two was thrown in there as sort of distant cousins, and people from my volunteer life, and people wholly made up. And almost everyone (well, all the cousins and "cousins") were being butts to each other, and were either rude to or ignoring people. (I was mostly ignored). We were staying in some kind of rambling cabin/resort thing, but none of the unmarried people got a room to themselves, so I couldn't go to sleep when I wanted to, and I couldn't get in at a good hour to shower and dress for the day (and at one point, there was a "subplot" involving me meeting with my dean over something, and I was still in my SpongeBob pajamas....)

Anyway, towards the end of the dream, I was really fed up, and was getting ready to declare I was going home, when my brother and his family finally arrived.

And my niece ran up to me, and said "I missed you!" and stuck out her arms to be lifted up. Now, granted, in real life my niece (a) probably isn't speaking quite that distinctly yet (though my brother says she she saw something he had bought her for Christmas before he could put it away, and she looked at him and said, "What is that?"*) and (b) she surely wouldn't remember me to miss me. (I'm prepared emotionally in case she wants nothing to do with me the next time I see her - little kids are sometimes like that)

But yeah. In the dream I picked her up (and started crying) and then I woke up.

I'm interpreting that bit to mean that I really wish for an uncomplicated relationship with someone, and perhaps also for interactions that are more reciprocal (yes, she expected me to pick her up, but she also told me she missed me and indicated she loved me). A lot of the time the interactions I have with people are very one-directional: someone "needs" me to do something for them, and I don't even get thanked when I do it. Or someone wants to unload their problems on me. Or I have to administer tough love to a student, and while what I'm doing will most likely benefit them, the only response I get at the time is a belligerent look. And it does kind of wear you down over time. (I know, I know: "If you want a friend in this town, get a dog." I don't know that I have the time a dog or a cat would require, though, and I hate taking on the care of an animal when I might not be able to devote the time I need to it.)

(*Based on stories my mom has told me about my early childhood, my niece sounds a lot like me. For her sake, I hope her parents decide to homeschool, if she continues to turn out like me.)