I ordered it

I finally broke down and ordered a t-shirt I'd been looking at for months, from We Love Fine. Never mind that I already have several "wear as sleepwear or around the house" t-shirts that declare my bronydom, so I'm a little shy of wearing them in public.

This one shows Twilight Sparkle as Starswirl the Bearded, and it says, in old-school Pokemon lettering, "Twilight Sparkle used LECTURE. It's super effective!" So it's both a geeky pony joke and a geeky Pokemon (which I was never that much into, but that's okay) joke.

After the day I had yesterday I figured it was okay to order myself a consolation prize.

***

I think the real frustration was that the whole incident got at one of my issues. The claim was being made that I was "not available" for a certain student. Reflecting back upon it - there were times when this student came to my office after office hours, when I was rapidly trying to eat lunch and prep for classes. And other times when he wanted to talk to me after class, but I had to run to get to the next class. That may be the source of the perception; I've learned there are some people that if you don't do what they want when they want it, they just assume it's because you don't want to help them.

And the thing is: I've worked hard to be accessible. I hold 10+ office hours a week, plus I offer to make appointments at mutually convenient times. (And now that I think of it, this individual made and either broke, or failed to show up for, several appointments). But of course, in some people's eyes, I will still be the "bad guy."

And that frustrates me because it reminds my inner critic of how no matter what I do, it's never enough. It's never good enough, I never work hard enough. And so I'm mired back in that feeling right now. But I have to be a Monday to Friday Adult and just suck it up and deal.

***

I also had an issue trying to get my mother's Mother's Day present yesterday. I WAS going to order her a gift certificate from Connecting Threads. But my mother does not have an e-mail address (well, one she uses, anyway: I think she has an emeritus faculty address). She's not big on using the Web. And also, my dad's home computer is circling the drain. So, I thought it would be better for a physical certificate plus catalog be sent to her.

Turns out, that's apparently not possible. The person I got didn't know how to do it, finally said, "Well, why don't you order the certificate online, have it sent to your e-mail address, then print it out and mail it to her?"

Um, dude: two problems:

1. I was doing it this way to get the present taken care of with minimal fuss before Mother's Day. Exam week, get it? (I actually explained that to him).

2. I don't have a current catalog to send to her and I don't know if she gets the catalogs. Yes, I could arrange to have one sent, but...

I just thanked him for his time and hung up. And then got all ragey (WHY CAN'T **ONE** THING BE EASY? WHY CAN'T **ONE** THING WORK OUT AS PLANNED) and stomped around the house for a while. And cried. Because I didn't know what to get her for Mother's Day - I have no time to shop, and I have no catalogs because I just pitch them when they come in because I have no time to look at them.

I called my dad, because I needed a suggestion. He finally said that he was planning on ordering her something out of a catalog, but that he had seen another nice item (in my price range) and he described it to me, did he want me to order it and give it to her on my behalf?

And part of me resisted. I actually said, "No, I feel like I need to put some effort into this myself" but finally I relented and had him order the gift for me. Whatever. It's done, and I don't have to try to deal with Connecting Threads.

But, golly. I hate that - when you've had a bad day, and there's just one silly little thing that would make it much better if it worked out right, and it just doesn't.

***

The only other things I got done yesterday were piano lesson and mowing my lawn. And watering all the plants so they won't die because apparently our drought is starting back up.

This Saturday I have something at church or else I'd be running away to McKinney for the day. I really need a day just for me but I'm not going to get it this month.