Friday, August 19, 2011

Shaking my head.

I really need to be taking this time to work on prepping stuff about cell metabolism instead of responding to a rather silly piece but this was all over my Twitter stream: Apparently a writer in the Huffington Post wants us all to stop being girly, because we're hurting the "cause."

(And she semi-dissed the Yarn Harlot. Heh. I went "ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh" when I read that, just like I did back in fifth grade when Brian S. talked back to the really hardnosed math teacher...you KNOW someone's gonna get in trouble for that.)

ETA: Someone on Ravelry commented: "Don't [tick] off the knitters; they have sharp pointy sticks." Hee. (And actually, I thought something somewhat similar)

I don't know whether to sigh (Isn't the point of having freedom to do what you want to do being able to, well, do what you want to do? Even if that's knitting? Or making cupcakes? Or painting your toenails?) or to yawn (Haven't we been through this several times in the past dozen years?)

Look: I don't claim to have any level of "bad assery" (sorry, gentle readers for the harsh word). But I do actually think I'm pretty tough in a lot of ways that count: If I say I will do something, I do it. I don't make up excuses or justifications if something more interesting comes along, or if I want some free time to myself, or whatever. I woman up and do the thing I said I'd do.

I'm an honest person. I have a set of ethics I live by and won't compromise on. Even if it might mean things were easier for me.

I earned a Ph.D., even in the face of being asked to leave the first program I was in. I got a job in a field that is perhaps still male-dominated (I don't know for sure; in my department we're pretty evenly split by gender). I earned tenure and a Professorship. I have published articles.

I strive to remain calm and positive in all my dealings, even if the person I'm working with is melting down in front of me (Had a situation like that yesterday - essentially a miscommunication leading to a student getting some very scary news, when, if the party in question had called ME and asked ME about the situation instead of freaking the student out, they would have found out what was actually going on.)

I juggle a huge amount of things and try to remain cheerful in the face of it.

And yet: I enjoy knitting. And quilting. And baking (though I don't do that as often as I'd like). And I like the new My Little Ponies show. And I like Hello Kitty (I went to the Target this afternoon and took a pass through the toy section while on the way to school supplies. They have wee tiny Hello Kitty figurines now! I made a silent inward "Squee!" when I saw them. (No, I didn't buy any. But they were awfully cute).

And you know? For years there's been talk about how for men, it's OK for them to have a tender side along with the tough one. (I'd argue in fact that it's a good idea, especially for men who plan to be dads). Why can't women have tenderness as well as toughness? Or for that matter, why does any given woman have to be tough at all?

Because: for me, to come home after a week of teaching membrane transport and plate tectonics and paired-sample t-tests and clay mineralogy (just some of the more "manly sounding" things I teach), it's a relief to be able to sit down and knit on a pretty sweater. (And at that: people who don't make stuff, and diss people who do: they don't get it. They don't understand the sort of satisfaction that COMES from being able to make your own sweater/bread/cabinets/fix your own car/whatever.)
And it's not because it's simply girly and feminine: I don't even really think of that. It's because it's creative and fun and fulfilling. (As I said in a personal tweet to one person: "stupid muggles*")

(*for the non-knitters: some knitters - I think the Yarn Harlot even started it - refer to non-knitters as "muggles." I would only apply that term to a non-knitter who made fun of knitting; I have no complaint against people who simply do not knit.)

And you know, some of the people who have made some of the most positive comments about my knitting skill, and even how they think it's kind of bad-ass (sorry, that word again) that I knit? My male colleagues. Oh, the women think it's cool, too, but I've gotten some strong approving comments from men I work with that suggest they think it's something akin to being really awesome at field identification or knowing what stats test to use in a situation: that it's something cool and worthwhile)

It frustrates me when people think they're the arbiters who dictate what is and is not OK. This is, in my mind, not really any different than 25 or 30 years ago making fun of women who wanted to go into oil-field exploration or something as being "butch."

Again, as I said: just leave me alone to live my life. I think I'm smart enough to figure it out. I'm doing pretty well so far.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I encounter an attitude like the one you're referencing, I think of the line from the e.e.cummings poem "and down they forgot as up they grew."

There's a notion (not held by all, thank goodness) that once you grow up, you become this Very Serious and Important Person Who Must Tell Others What to Do...and there's no sense of fun, play, imagination, relaxation, things which are essential to a happy and contente life.

"Toughness" is exactly what you describe: having a goal, working on it, doing things to the best of your ability. That's all it is. Being a bad ass looks good in the movies, but in everyday life, we don't have to be so damn extreme.

Lynn said...

The comments over there, by lots of real women, are heartening. Favorite so far: "I like to think that if an apocalypse happens, I'll be able to care for, clothe, and feed myself and my family while the author is starving and naked in the street because there aren't any malls and Starbucks around."