Saying it simply:

Who's got two thumbs and is going to be a Full Professor come September?

THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Yes, I FINALLY got the final, really-real, it's-gonna-happen letter. Signed by the university president and everything...as I said in the previous post, his secretary called me to tell me she had a letter and my portfolio to pick up.

I thought about waiting until I had completed the day's grading, but realized there was no way in heck I'd be able to concentrate until I KNEW. (And up until the very moment I opened the letter and saw "I am pleased to notify you..." I didn't know for sure - I thought surely something would hang it up - bad budget times, or my not having quite enough publications or quite high enough student evaluations, or something).

I had to drive over to the administration building (yes, I drove, it's still raining a lot here) very carefully as I was already shaking a little. There was that weird, Schroedinger's-box moment. (Though that concept really doesn't fit here: the decision had been made and it existed as a real thing on a piece of paper, I just didn't know until I opened the envelope).

And yes, I wasn't subtle. I signed for the letter and my portfolio, and while she was getting my portfolio out of the box, I ripped open the letter.

I was a little subdued, though, I guess: I just said, "Awesome" and put the letter back in its envelope.

(And I got the jelly-knees walking back down the stairs. And then started laughing uncontrollably once I got back in my car.)

This really did mean a huge deal to me. Not so much in terms of the (small) raise that will come (though that will be nice*).

What really matters to me is, for lack of a better term, the vote of confidence. That I'm doing enough, that I'm doing all right. That I don't need to push myself excessively harder. (And a little bit the status. Being able to have "Professor" with no modifier to it on my business cards.)

(*Huh, in church Sunday they started talking about the yearly pledging - we do it in May - and about how we should consider if we could raise our pledge in this year. And I thought, "If I get Full Professor, I should raise the amount I give." Or maybe I said, "If You make the decision go in my favor, I will raise the amount I give." Okay, so I'll do it, now.)

I admit it, I still can't quite believe it - that the whole agonizing process is OVER, and unless I move to a new school (not bloody likely considering the dearth of tenure-track positions any more), I'll never have to prepare a huge portfolio like this again.

But holy cow. Just, holy cow. It still hasn't sunk in.