You know, I think I've got it partly figured.

(The Sad, I mean - The Sad that is over and above circumstances).

It's that I'm alone so much these days. In the middle of the summer, campus is pretty much dead outside of classes - there's nothing going on, many of my colleagues don't even come in most days. People who are planning on having medical procedures done have them done now. (Even the campus nurse - she's out on maternity leave. And the last I spoke with her, it sounded like she and her husband planned for the arrival of the baby to be timed for now). And I spend a lot of time in my office working alone and not having anyone to bounce ideas off of or get my head out of its own headspace.

Which isn't so great for me. Considering as I'm the kind of person who can focus on a one-inch square of something and brood over it for hours and hours. (Conversely, that can be a good thing, when I'm contemplating some research question or am trying to figure something out.)

Not sure what to do to change the tendency to sit and brood and feel sort of deserted. I don't really have any of what we used to call "running around friends" left here - several of them have either moved away or had status changes (marriages and arrivals of children) in the past couple of years and so there aren't that many people left that I can call up on a whim and ask if they want to do lunch, or something. (Because it gets kind of discouraging when every time you call, someone's busy, but says, "we have to get together soon").

(And really, there never were in the summers, now that I think of it. Part of my midsummer doldrums of the past may be the result of that fact.)

Also, there just plain aren't a lot of people in my particular age group with my particular life set-up: most of the people approaching 40 that I know have pre-teen kids who require a lot of supervision. And not that there's anything bad about that - and it's good that those people are good parents - but it's different from when I was in grad school when most folks were fairly unencumbered and plans didn't involve consultation with three or four other family members.

It's not bad, it's just different.

It really is harder to make friends once you're out of school. I never really believed it - having had a somewhat difficult time making friends in school (grade school at least) but I do think once people's lives develop, it gets harder to fit things in, like new friends.

The ironic thing is, come fall, I'll be whimpering for a little peace and quiet when AAUW and Youth Group and CWF and all the other things I'm involved with start up again. It's very hard to find that Goldilocks State where everything is Just Right.

But at least recognizing that there's a probable reason I feel this way helps.

Oh, another thing...just got off the phone with my semi-weekly phone call with my parents. The cat's eating a BIT better, and seems to be a BIT less listless...so perhaps she's got at least a few more months in her after all. At least she's not doing worse.