I'm back. (Standard operating procedure: pictures of objects finished, and discussion of the trip, will come later. The first because I must recharge my camera, the second because I have a number of other things to do - a couple calls to return, a Sunday School lesson to prepare, the Christmas decorations to take down - yet today.)

Traveling back I did get to thinking about New Year's Resolutions. So often they seem to be presented as some kind of a punishment - you know, the old "you ate too much over the holidays so now you must lose 20 pounds as fast as possible" kind of thing. Or the "You've been bad about money in the past so now you must cancel your cable and turn the heat down to 60* and sit under a single light bulb at night and not buy anything other than what's needed to keep body and soul together so you can save money."

And one problem with these is that they're mightily hard to stick to. There's a reason that some parents use the words "discipline" and "punishment" as synonyms. If you make someone (such as yourself) go too hard at something that's a Thou Shalt Not, and specifically a Thou Shalt Not of something you used to blithely do without too much repercussion, it does feel like some kind of cruel and unusual sentence.

And there's the whole "Love yourself as you are but now change" pop psychological idea, which rankles those of us with more logical minds.

And one thing I wrestle with is the whole "not good enough" issue - I can get myself very easily wrapped up into a fury of "I must make myself 20 pounds thinner at least - I must exercise more each day and include strength training and aerobics and yoga - I must eat 9 servings of vegetables (or whatevertheheck it is the USDA claims we need these days) - I must remember to put on moisturizer - I must stop reading those bubblegum-for-the-mind mystery novels and delve into the Great Books of Western Civilization..."

And it just gets kind of exhausting, listening to your inner drill sergeant.

(An aside: at one point I joked that I was "overly Prussian" in the old stereotypical sense? One of my uncles, who is interested in and has the wherewithal to investigate family history, made little charts for each of us with all the ancestors he could trace down. Several of them ARE Prussian (though a greater proportion are from Hanover...I'm not quite sure where that is). So I suppose I come by my rigidity somewhat naturally).

But anyway. I got to thinking about what I really, truly would like to do in the coming year - what would make me HAPPY as opposed to what I would be doing out of some vague sense of duty to the USDA or the Health Police or the Harold Blooms of the world. And I decided there are really three things, and possibly a fourth:

1. Get back to "New Rule" (the work-an-hour-a-day-except-Sundays-and-Wednesdays on research related stuff). Partly because I do have a couple articles that could go out with minimal spiffing up, and partly because I have two unfinished projects I want to finish, and partly because I have a third that's well on its way and will probably be a presentation at next, I mean, THIS year's Prairie Conference.

But mainly because when I was sticking to that, I was happier. And I was getting stuff done. And I think my teaching was better, not just because I was happier but because I felt more up-to-date and secure in what I was talking about. And because it was something different - I mean, I could have a bad day of teaching where it just felt like one big dropped connection but I could go and read some good articles and that salvaged a bit of the day, it made it feel like I hadn't done just a great big nothing.

2. Finish the quilt that is in the frame so I can get another one put in. And so I can have the finished quilt.

3. Try thread crochet again (crocheting using the really fine stuff, like knit-cro-sheen or that thin cotton yarn). I even bought a book on it. I tried this when I was a young teenager but my tension was really tight, and I was using the wrong size hook (I think) and I wasn't really aware that there were different thread weights and it was just a big mess. But I think with having had more practice crocheting I will probably get the hang of it this time.

Not that there's a huge need for more doilies in the world, but there are pretty things you can make, and it's another thing to know how to do. Another string to one's bow, as they say.

4. The possible fourth item is to try my hand at some simple sweater or vest designing. I have a copy of "Knitting in the Old Way" and the Vibekke Lind book and I look at them and it seems the "body logic" of knitting a sweater in the round without referring to an already-made-up pattern should make sense to me. But I've never really gone for it, mainly because I feel like I should spend my limited knitting time on something that's fairly certain to work out. But I've been thinking again about trying to do something that my great-grandmothers (or, certainly, my great-great grandmothers) did: knitting from the combined logic of gauge and body measurements (plus trying the thing on from time to time). You know, just to see if I can do it.

Part of this is also because I bought 880 yards of yarn with a vest in mind...but the pattern I planned to use calls for considerably more (it's very cable-dense). But I loved the yarn - Nashua Handworks wool/alpaca worsted in the color "Blue Pine" and the knit shop had only the 4 balls. So I bought it, thinking idly, "maybe I can design a vest for it". So maybe. I don't anticipate throwing over my career as a professor to design sweaters full-time (Because, honestly? You put even more of your heart and soul and who you are into a design than into a manuscript of a journal article, and we all know how I react when a journal article gets rejected...and there's also the matter of my needing, for my own psychological comfort, to know that there will be a paycheck forthcoming at the end of each month).